Wednesday, December 26, 2007
i remember watching the ellen show that day and her tAalking about 'buttons'.like what makes you tick.or affects you badly.or something along those lines.and i guess for me it is kids and animals.
when i was much younger.say maybe abt 10-12.i was a prefect in school and was attached to a lower primary class.to you know like take care of them and stuff.and i remember this one VERY VERY naughty boy called benjamin.somehow i fell in love with that little boy.but he was really so so so naughty and mischievous.he would bully his friends.run around tirelessly.disturb anybody and everybody.be rude to ALL his elders.like the prefects and even his teachers.but somehow i still loved that little boy and i wanted nothing but the best for him.then i left primary school and did not keep in touch with him.but everytime i went back he would make it a point to say hi.be it running around me n tickling me and then running away.that was all i would see of him and say to him.but he had a VERY VERY special place in my heart.
then one day in christina's church,i saw him.i was shocked for words.i was really really really shocked.but i was also happy.happy because i got to see more of this small little boy.he was still as naughty as ever.or maybe EVEN naughtier.he would disturb all the teens in church.and somehow everybody was very very irritated with him.nobody liked him.but that just made me love him even more.i don't know why.i never minded when he came to me poked me and called me aunty.i never minded it when i took food and he would come steal it from me.i never minded when he would run around me tirelessly and poke me.i never minded anything.
one day i went for church camp with him.i was really so happy that i got to spend more time with him.i was really happy that i would get to be with him.and he seemed to like spending time with me.during that particular church camp,he would ALWAYS be with me.every time possible he would tag along with me.he would never call me by my name but call me aunty.then i remember when we were playing water polo he somehow irritated the hell out of everybody.and someone threw the ball at him.and he came crying to me.i checked his bruise,gave him a hug and took care of him.i can still remember how he was as a child.his mischief.everything.
MANY people asked how i could stand him.they asked how i could tolerate him.they would NEVER entertain him in the fear of being irritated.my answer was always the same.'i don't know.he just isn't irritating to me.he's very cute la'
then after awhile i left the church.and lost touch with him.say when he was about 12.the last memories i had of him when he was still naughty.one day i asked my cousin about him and she told me that benjamin had changed.she told me that he was now a very very very good boy.and when asked why he said this 'God changed me.'
i saw him again when he was 13.but we didn't get to talk because he was busy.we just waved to each other,said hi,took one photo together and that was all.
then last saturday i went back.i could BARELY recognise this precious little boy.acting on stage.though it was a minor minor role,my heart burst with pride upon seeing him act.i was tearing up seeing him.i felt so happy.just so so happy.i don't know how to explain.but as i type this i cry tears of joy because i felt so happy seeing him act out that part.at that time he didn't know i was going to be there.
so after the play when we were all downstairs,talking and mingling,chris brought him to see me.i didn't ask.but chris just brought him.and gosh,i just flew up to cloud 9 i swear.and then chris told him that he should give me a hug[because my shirt said VERY HUGGABLE] and that precious little boy did not hesitate.he extended his arms and hugged me.me being me flew up to cloud 9999999.that hug lasted probably 3 seconds.but memories of that small little boy and how he changed just came flooding back and i felt so happy.i felt so satisfied and terribly terribly happy.i couldn't believe it.my precious little benjamin.i guess i was just so damn happy because it had been 2 years since i last saw him.2 really long years and he is sooooo grown up now.
i don't know why i am sharing this with the world.but i just love that boy so much and it was good seeing him and hugging him.it felt great you know.my heart was really so so so happy that day.i thank God that i went for the play on that day,wearing that top.that made him hug me.i just feel so so so happy.and well i guess you all can share this happiness with me.i am still happy.thinking of that little boy just puts a big silly grin on my face.
I LOVE YOU LITTLE BENJAMIN (: you'll ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS have a precious space in my heart.i promise. (:
not only that.seeing alissa.hugging her.talking to her.alissa is benjamin's older sister by the way.and we had a long history as well.we used to somehow dislike each other in primary school or just never got along.and then when i saw her in church i was shocked beyond words as well.and i didn't even know she was his sister.and upon seeing each other in church we were like 'hey aren't you in xishan?'.both at the same time.then we burst out laughing and yea now we're friends. (: and that girl is just the cutest.
I LOVE YOU ALISSA. (:
went for the play again on christmas eve.just wanted to be there for christina.so i went and then saw brandon and michael.the last time i saw brandon was when iw as 12 and he actually recognised me.it just felt nice.and then michael also.been a long time since i saw him.of course he is still as funny as ever.haha.and then everybody else.went for carolling in the end with the YF.that was one MAJORLY fun night.had fun playing the games also.in the 1st house i gave the wrong information of myself.told them i was 20 instead of 19.i guess i broke the ice with that because that was the first time everybody laughed at me and i didn't mind.then in the 2nd house while playing pass the parcel i got the forfeit.so i had to eat tomato with chilli padi.and everybody was so concerned because it was chilli padi.haha.i am indian i can take it.then the last house was just the best.we slacked there from 3am ALL the way to 7am+.watched a video of the play as well.it was fun seeing the actors discuss everything that was happening.how they were actually feeling at that point in time.laughing at the audience laughing for no reason.it was just a satisfying night.very very satisfying.got to catch up with adriel as well.another person i haven't spoken to in like 3 or 4 years.shall go for the watchnight service to see him again.
well being back there really felt nice.it felt like i was 'home'.this time around i was left alone here and there but i didn't mind.like i said i have learnt how to deal with being alone.12 weeks in school and i haven't made a single friend.i have been attending lectures and tutorials myself so it doesn't matter to me.which is why this time around i actually enjoyed myself whether i was talking to someone or not.everybody was really welcoming and nice.and it was surprising to have adriel talk to me and jared wishing me as well.never thought people would actually remember me and stuff.and having benjamin and alissa there with me through out was wonderful.yea it was a GOOD GOOD night.i am happy.really am.i think it will last for some time.
and God for this i REALLY do THANK YOU from the bottomest of my heart.
i //young of the butterfly// you 2:26 PM