Monday, March 26, 2007
i REALLY am not very comfortable being in close proximity with people i do not know very well..eg my students and guys mainly..
so on monday i made the mistake of wearing a sleeveless top with a LONG skirt..pretty much everything was covered up..except my arms..and my students still tried to find fault with that..i almost cried in class because one small little boy tried to corner me..just teasing i guess..but i screamed because i was - simply put - FUCKING terrified..yes i happen to be a coward..i hate such closeness especially with people i am not comfortable with and people i DON'T want to be close to..i felt very violated just now..it does not feel nice to be so close to people really..i maybe weird or whatever you want to say..but i am sorry i am just not comfortable..i think i scared my class..
*thank you
im fucking tired now.really damn tired.but have you ever felt like really tired but just cannot sleep?it happens to me all the time.so i cannot sleep.
im fucking annoyed by the fact that the fucking shop does not want to take back the fucking bad quality VCD and CLAIMS its original.eat your shit please.seriously eat your fucking shit.im annoyed because it's a vijay's movie and it is of such bad quality.FUCK YOU!
ok enough said..
witnessed my mum going mad just a while ago..so she was pissed off that i did not let her watch her programme but watched mine insted..well mum it was just this ONCE that i requested to watch the programme..just this once..and you went mad..you could have just told me no and i would have just skipped the programme..there was no reason to hit prasaanth like that for no rhyme or reason..you need to vent your anger do it elsewhere or on something else not by hitting your kids..just stop it..
i see how protective i am of people..but it is no good yea..because sometimes they may feel suffocated which is not a good thing at all..or sometimes they just do not care..it is ok..i have come to terms with it..so it is ok..
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:04 PM
Sunday, March 18, 2007
i had
TWO sleepovers in
TWO days..
SOOOOO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!160307
on friday nives decided to come over to my place..but since i smsed her like quite late she came close to 8pm..then after doing some crappy stuff like straightening her hair and other stuff she decides that she feels like staying over..so she called her parents and they agreed..and surprisingly i just had SOOOOOO much to talk to her about..we talked practically THROUGH OUT the whole night..then at about 6.30am we decided to go walking..actually the initial plan was jogging..but since she didn't feel like it and i had no energy,we just walked..so we went to the hill first..then after that we decided to go down to yishun park..reached there and played the swings..and we got high playing on swings..seriously..ok rather I got high playing on them..it was just so fun..i mean you are just sitting there with nobody to disturb you..you just sit there and think..of everything..your family your friendships..your precious memories..everything..and i tell you it feels really really good..so after that we head back ot my place..buy breakfast and then sleep till 12+..woke up showered and sent her off..
170307
went to joyce's house about sevenish..talked abit..helped her with her make up..and then headed for clarke quay to pick clare up..saw her in her uniform..SOOOO adorable..then after her work we met may ee..4 of us just walked around and around and around..then ended up trying the shishaa thingy at shiraaz..where there was this cute waiter..eye candy eye candy..then they drank stuff and i think they were all a bit high..but it was DAMN fun la..all the silly talks..and trying to blow out smoke through our noses..haha..after that went back to joyce's place..showered and played pictionary..haha..that was fun..and then we slept at about 4 or 5..woke up quite late..and so we did not go for brunch..went home straight..
haha and here i am..
wed-sat made me realise HOW MUCH i love my IJ friends..i mean i may not see the clique much or talk to them much but i just love them like hell..it is quite amazing actually..the feeling is just good actually..there are no words to describe how much i love the clique really..
well i gotta go now and plan the lessons for school..and i will be really heartbroken if they decide to take away my beloved class from me because that is what they intend to do..i am going to try and ask them to take another class instead..anyway i called up the yishun and woodlands schools to ask if they need teachers..well when i called none of them needed any..so i cannot quit this job..well just 10 more weeks to bear with i guess..i have to try..and it is only a few weeks of teaching because they have got their mid years..well hopefully by God's grace i will pull through.. (:
i //young of the butterfly// you 7:34 PM
Friday, March 16, 2007
The Best Moments In Life1. Falling in love.
-falling in love with family and friends is more than enough for me.. (:
2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
-oh yes!i LOVE doing that
3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.
-now that i have my license..if i had a car i would do it..just that there isn't exactly any country sides in singapore..
4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
-on my mp3 rather..
5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.
-I LOVE THAT..especially with the thunder and lightning..
6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel.
-haha..i am quite sure idon't own warm fuzzy towels..
7. Passing your final exams with good grades.
-never doen that before i think..with the exception of myO Levels..
8. Being a part of an interesting conversation.
-haha..with my friends around not hing is ever UN-interesting
9. Finding some money in some old pants.
-truly truly..
10. Laughing at yourself.
-with zarina i am ALWAYS laughing at myself..
11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.
-YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!especially with the IJ darlings..
12. Laughing without a reason.
-yes yes
13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say somthing good about you.
- (: (: (: trust me the feeling is good.
14. Watching the sunset.
-LOVELY..anybody wants to watch the sunset with me again??
15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life.
-it is heartbreaking though..most of the time..
16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.
-define the 'kiss'
17. Feeling this buzz in your body when seeing this "special" someone.
-yea i totally get sugar rushes whenever i see zarina..
18. Having a great time with your friends.
-its beyond bliss and happiness..
19. Seeing the one you love happy.
-oh yes..and i LOVE making the one i love happy..
20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume.
-when i do that i shall let you know the feeling..
21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering great memories.
-yes..
22. Hearing someone telling you "I LOVE YOU"
-haha I LOVE YOU (:
"True friends come in the good times when we tell them to, and come in the bad times.....without calling."------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
beautiful eh?thought so..and i reliased how true it is..
well anyway these past few days have been good..actually it is mainly becuase i leave the house when my mum comes back so i am not home to experience all the loneliness and sadness..and right now niva is making her way here so it is a really good thing..i am really VERY happy.. (:
celebrated mel's and pinks's bday..hope they were both happy..and i hope the sleepover actually takes place.. (: chilling out with the darlings..it has been some time.. (: dinner with them the other day was just GREAT..with my dearest CLARE.. (: and jolene cut her hair..she looks good..and she actually manages to pull it off..unlike me..with my retarded hair..
anyway a few more days till stupid school starts..and i have to go plan my lessons..gona try something..
i //young of the butterfly// you 6:39 PM
Friday, March 09, 2007
i feel so lonely ALL the time..i feel like nobody understands me ALL the time..a lot of things are messed up but people think im complaining..
i have given up on my life..i am constantly putting ideas of suicide into my head so that i will soon have the courage to go and kill myself..because right now the courage level is negative 100..
now i know what it is like to be hated for absolutely no rhyme or reason..
i also know what it is like to have a friend not stand up for you..
i am letting go of many people already..starting to let go..you know why?wasting my time on them not worth it..it is good that im out of CJ..no need to see some fuckers' faces anymore..hope i don't see them in university or where ever i am going..
this post doesn't make any sense to me..i just need someone there without me asking..really that is all..i talk to God and it feels like i am talking to a wall..but everybody says He is there..very very very hard to believe..very..so i talk and talk and talk to i don't know who..i am most definitely going mad..
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:38 PM