ALL U NEED TO KNO IS
SEXY BANANA (:
17011988
tall dark n drop dead gorgeous (:

THE LOVED ONES

chitra*
janani*
priya*

THE RANTS AND THE RAVES


Flashbacks.

March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008

Friday, September 30, 2005

its funny how ive been lying to myself all this while...cuz im not over u....i still think abt us almost evryday...its sad...n i duno wad to make out of this...isit my pride??or r things juz meant to be lyk tt??or do i hafta take the first step n make things work??but to me the ultimate ques is DO I WANT 'US'???..cuz after evrything no i dun....maybe acquaintances yes...not frens...n i duno whr im gona find the courage to stand up to u or even tok to u...i juz duno...
n for evrybody out thr no its not a bf...n neither isit monan.....n its not lyk its anything big...im juz thinking too much abt it...n lyk vasan says the answers r all thr its juz whether u ACCEPT them...so God i ask u to PLS PLS help me juz accept them n not do anything stupid...

on a brighter note......my mp3 FINALLY has 400 songs....still got abt 2000 more to fill up..hehehehe....i need to open my hardisk lyk nowwwwwwwwwwwwww.....then i can fill up a bit more.....hehe...am really tired now so im not gona blog sensible stuff...

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:07 PM


Thursday, September 29, 2005

THIS IS JUZ A SHOUTOUT TO THOSE TAKING THEIR OS THIS YR..BEEN HAVING TALKS WID JAN N I KNO HOW SHE HAS BEEN FEELING CUZ I CAN COMPLETELY RELATE TO TT ESP WEN WE GOT NO SELF DISCIPLINE N ALL WE WANA DO IS HAF FUN..

PRIYA DALRING : I LOVE U N I KNO TT UR GONA DO SUPER WELL FOR UR OS CUZ I KNO UR GONA WORK HARD N IN FACT UR ALRDY WORKING HARD..IM GONA HELP U AS MUCH AS I CAN THO I MAYBE USELESS..BUT I WILL HELP U AS MUCH AS I CAN K...N JUZ DUN LOSE TT MOTIVATION N DRIVE TO STUDY...KEEP IT TILL THE END OF UR OS...N NXT YR U WILL SEE THE FRUIT OF UR LABOUR N TRUST ME U WILL BE SO SO SO DAMN HAPPY...N I WILL BE SO SO SO DAMN HAPPY FOR U OSO...

BELLE : BELLE UR GONA DO IT TOO KAES...U GONA MAKE SURE U STUDY HARD URSELF N PASS EVRY SINGLE SUBJECT..DUN AIM FOR A PASS AIM HIGHER...I KNO U CAN DO IT K BELLE....I CAN HELP U IF U NEED IT TOO KAES...I LOVE U...

I KNO BOTH OF U WILL MAKE IT N WILL NEVER LOSE TT MOTIVATION CUZ IN IJ THE COMPETITION,MOTIVATION,STRESS IS ALWAYS THR...BUT JAN.....I KNO N UNDERSTAND HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR U CUZ OF WHR UR COMING FRM

JANANI NAIR : U KNO WAD GURL???U AINT GONA LOSE TT MOTIVATION/DRIVE OR WHATEVER K...IM GONA PUSH U CONTINUOUSLY N BUG U N IRRITATE U TILL U WANT ME TO GET OUT OF UR LIFE BUT EVEN THEN I WUN CUZ I WANT U TO DO WELL...I WANT U TO BE HAPPY..EVEN THOUGHT U MAY NOT HAF THOTS OF GOING TO A JC BUT GUESS WAD???GETTING BELOW 20 PNTS WILL ONLY MAKE YOU N YOU ALONE SO DAMN HAPPY..I KNO U CAN DO IT JAN..FARIHA'S GONA BE UR SOLE COMPETITOR FRM NOW ONWARDS K..AIM TO BE LYK HER...MIGHT BE IMPOSSIBLE TO BEAT HER BUT NEAR HER LVL...I KNO U CAN DO IT JAN..U CAN OK U CAN U CAN U CAN....HECK UR STUPID SCH N THEIR STANDARD N EVRYTHING...JUZ HAF CONFIDENCE IN URSELF...I KNO HOW DIFF IT IS CUZ I FELT THE SAME THING BEFORE OS BUT IT ALL CLEARED UP WAY WAY BEFORE PRELIMS...I KNO HOW UR FEELING N I WANA HELP U IN EVRY WAY I CAN K..SO IF U WANT ME TO CALL U EVRYDAY N SCOLD U N BUG U TO STUDY I WILL DO IT...IF U WANT ME TO KICK UR ASS SO HARD TT U FLY TO THE ARCTIC N CAN STUDY THR I WILL DO IT...IF U WANT ME TO TREAT U TO COFFEE/ICE CREAM/ICE KACHANG FOR STUDYING THE WHOLE WK I WILL DO IT..JUZ SO TT U WILL DO WELL FOR UR OS...I LOVE U KAES...DUN EVER EVER FORGET TT IM HERE...

I LOVE ALL U GUYS K N I KNO UR GONA MAKE IT U 3 MOST IMPT O LVL PPL IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW...N JAN WE ALL KNO KARTHINI WILL MAKE IT SMEHOW CUZ SHE IS IN CEDAR SO ALL THE BEST TO HER TOO I LOVE HER TOO...BUT U 3 R VRY IMPT TO ME K...SO GO MAKE URSELF HAPPY N ME HAPPY TOO..LOVE U GUYS..

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:40 PM

WTF in the world is wrong wid BLOGGER....im blogging in a super weird way right now...GRRRRRRR.....pisses me off so bad...

well most of the studying papers r over..tmw 3 hrs of tuition wid ananthi..DIE!!!....had maths today....arghssss...dun wana tok abt it...felt quite confident u kno until bose tol the ans for partial fractions...i was lyk WTF!!....careless careless...gone case la...GODDDDDDDDDD u need to help me..

anyways one more wk...JUST ONE MORE....n i will be a free bird...or mayb not if i hafta take the sup paper for econs...asthma is juz getting worst n worst...my phlegm is all stuck thr...n im starting to wheeze even after walking fast for a short distance..hais....sucks man...want it to go AWAY AWAY AWAY...how isit tt so many ppl haf been cured of asthma n im not...im dying dying dying...it juz came as a shock to me somehow wen the doc said tt...i juz got all panicked...gosh im such an idiot la...

anyways last sat yea kinda broke down n all tt crap..n JAY n PRIYA were juz the sweetest..priya came over to gimme food...then went to stay over in her hse...Jay bought me woods peppermint sweets for my sore throat..haha...felt so loved...then zana came over on sun....for fun...to visit me..hehehe...nvm..was a nice weekend....

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:59 PM


Friday, September 23, 2005

im juz pissed rite now...gosh...u kno today ive been sick since the time i woke up..i din eat brkfast or lunch...kno how weak ive been feeling the whole day??...only at 8.30 wen my mum came hm n cooked dinner...felt so so so nervous b4 my GP paper even tho i acted lyk i wasnt..feeling fucked up thinking abt the promos...i came home to find the hse NOT cleaned up...NOTHING was done..u kno how fricking mad i was?...im not becoming lyk my mother...i juz want things cleaned cuz i DO NOT want her to come back n start shouting...n wads worst after i came hme NO ONE was hm...whr were they?....e two stupid IDIOTS had gone down to PLAY...fcking play..isit impt??....i had to do evrything..mum called n asked me to do evrything...heck im alrdy not feeling well n i hafta do evrything...n they come back so much lata n wen asked to do a small work they grumble....n my mum made me do them...OMG......fcking hell....im not feeling well...leave me ALONE...n they still got the nerve to come n tok to me...i DUN wish to tok to ANY of them...im pissed irritated hurt n upset....im sick of living in a hsehold whr im not appreciated or loved....i wana run away...does anybody kno wads even going on in my life..do they kno???do they fcking kno im having my damned promos..do they kno how scared i am...do they kno i dun wana let them down by retaining...do they kno???do they??...NO they FUCKING dun....god im so sick...i dun want material love..enough of it cuz its killing me bit by bit evrytime...u kno how guilty i feel evrytime i get smth new...i dun want it..id rather be loved than them getting me all this stuff....gosh....i wana cry now..i wana die now...i wana juz vent my anger on smth....

its crazy how even after evrything i love them so much...i cant believe it dun wana believe it either...somehow they r all so special to me in their own way..whether im mad at them or not...i juz love all of them...i love the short times we all spend together as a family...im dying evryday bit by bit...

this is for my family.

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:41 PM


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

i wun be updating much i think..will be back after the fing promos..

anyways sunday's msg got me thinking abt all the bitterness i have in my heart..since the start of evrything ive juz been feeling bitter abt evrything..bitterness n anger aint gona get me nowhere i kno it..ive surrendered all these rtshps n frenships to God..ive alrdy tol God to pls take care of it..n i guess the signs will all be thr or maybe r thr alrdy n i juz need to do smth abt it..n this whole thing abt forgiving...its juz not ez wid all tt bitterness u haf in ur heart..esp someone like me...i juz dun wana forgive i guess cuz of my pride..it has alot to do wid it...n also partially cuz if i forgive those ppl i feel its an obligation on my part to be nice to them..which i dun wish to be...im juz making it so difficult for myself ttz all..

i have been trying my best to study but i juz cant...supplementary paper aint gona be ez so i shld forget abt taking it..after maths mock on mon felt so damn bloody discouraged...duno wad to do la...i juz want an A for maths ttz all..n i wana pass the othr 2 subs so tt i can get promoted..i dun wana fing retain..juz feeling scared ttz all..n bitch sng was lyk 'i hope u all fail'..omg..wtf did i ever DO to her man..i take down notes she not happy..nothing we ever do makes her happy..she shld juz rot in hell or smth..stupid lady..

anyways well juz wana say tis am not at all prepared for promos..maybe juz a lil bit...but not fully...am juz vry scared n freaked out..i need all the prayers i can gei cuz im studying evrything lyk now..n i seem to be a tad enlightened for econs..so God Bless me..

n JAN if ur reading this im really sorry we cldnt do anything for ur bday k..cuz i remembered u haf ur prelims n we din wana bug u...so we r pushing evrything to dec...maybe one of those days we'll go for a SUPER long lunch..juz us mr muthu's babies..kaes...so sorry girl..

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:10 PM


Saturday, September 17, 2005

my nose is so blocked tt im opening my mouth so big to take in deep breaths...i think im dying...

anyway went sembawang beach juz now..wid mum bro suse auntie n her family...saw priya's church thr....haha..was watching frm far n wondering if it was them..then i saw moses uncle wid one of his sons n i knew it was them...so juz went to say hi to priya's parents..n my mum is a nonsense la..priya's parents went to say hi to her n she tok tok to them...then after tt u kno wad she asked me??...'who r they?'...OMG...my mum is a bit mad...nvm...yea....

then the kuppehs come...dun ask me...juz picture this tamilan//hiphop....god...FUNNY...

feelling a bit enlightened for econs..i think i finally found out whr im going wrong...felt a bit sad today cuz ananthi was a bit out of mood...duno wad happened..vasan was all panicky cuz of her unfinished project...but she sent me off after tt n i had a gd slp in the bus.. :) :)

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:10 PM


Thursday, September 15, 2005

ITS ONAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANANI NAIR D/O BALACHANDRAN NAIR!!!....ILU MY LIL GIRL...N IF U CANT GET ANY SMARTER OR WISER JUZ GROW TALLER N FATTER K...

haha..yea sent her tt sms...sch this past wk has been fine..except today...went to sch vry groggy i duno y...terribly whiny in the morn too..terrible me...tried to read econs notes n fell aslp...gona attempt ques lata...hais..so fricking worried alrdy...

miss chia is really funny...had quite a bit of fun joking wid her n stuff juz now wen she stayed back in class...evrything is so rushing rushing..am damn worried la esp for maths...econs is lyk gone case...i duno how...am gona spot topics n do la...mkt structure is defintely coming out..got the mock test back..not vry happy wid it..today miss chia was lyk rushing thru trigo,MI n differentiation...can die alrdy la...

din go for dinner n lunch today..mum last min backed out..then me n chris oso din wana go...hais..i wish things were a bit more funner tis year...enthu....hais...

need to ask advice frm priya abt smth...hais....smehow i feel im clear n not clear..need to ask vasan n zana oso...hais..

tmw evening mum n aunties going tekka....obviously i will be following them again...but now thrs a shit screw up...i got lect after sch tmw..n prolly it will start at 3 or duno wad time la....then end oso duno wad time..if it ends late i hafta go hm first n then change for tuition which means i will go for tuition lyk damn late la..i dun think anybody gets wad im trying to say...nvm nvm...doesnt concern u....

birds been shitting in our class alot..screw the stupid stupid birds...UGHS...n now its lyk so scary to bring food thr anymore...thinking twice abt bringing my sandwich...bleahhhhhhh....

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:32 PM


Sunday, September 11, 2005

after the one wk hols...i still hafta do

-trig 1
-trig2
-approx soln
-study lit 4books
-study ECONS...

well ive practised my mcq as much as possible..so im hoping i can get the least a 20/30....the least ah...GOD IS WITH ME...

today's msg meant quite a lot to me..the whole patience part...n wad i read on jay's blog kinda freaked me out...the whole wanting to be in heaven wid ppl u love..family esp...n my family are not converts..so im praying...i mean my bro has been listening to christian songs...does tt mean anything??..youngest bro by the way..i duno...i juz hope God grants me the patience to wait...cuz im not a vry patient person..

n yea i wasted time sending tt jerk off today..too lazy to type out details..ask me for details k...oh n btw only a few ppl r entitled to this details...

n yea i felt lyk blowing up at all the ppl whom i felt were making use of me.....i duno but i was really mad...luckily i cld control it wid chris ard...cuz i dun usually blow up at her...i was sick of evrything sick n sick n sick n fcking sick..i wanted to get hm to juz explode man...n i was tearing in the cab cuz of my damned anger...arghs...i need to keep it n check...

lessons learnt today..
-patience n patience n patience....
-NEVER EVER MEET MONAN OR SEND HIM OFF AGAIN...bastard...

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:54 PM


Saturday, September 10, 2005

one line frm a song is stuck in my head...

uyir kaathalanae un sithirathai en kangal kondu varainthaen.....translated.....love of my life i drew a portrait of u wid my eyes..

dun ask me y but its been stuck on me ever since i heard it...on india's national day yea..

my mum is kinda crappy n funny..bros mum n me were watching VMA juz now...n it was damn crappy la...evrything oso she comment..'no one can beat michael jackson'..tis is her comment for evrything..then she brought in stevie wonder...n duno who all...nvm..she is a bit mad...n then she came across alicia keys n tol me tis 'u shld go n do ur hair lyk tt oso'....goodness...alicia keys is beautiful n she has got nice hair...my hair is lyk crap n i look lyk crap n my mum is full of crap oso la...my mum was lyk nxt time family gathering im gona do tt for u...well we'll see abt tt...

went to zana hse juz now to put henna..din turn out nice la..din lyk it...n right after washing it off i had to scrub clothes mop the hse n wash the toilet...so i touched dettol,soap n clorex or isit clorox...well yea...a lot of soap i touched...so its damn faded...n im so sad.....awwwwwwwww...i lyk henna.. :) :)

n i lyk wad im gona be wearing tmw..shall be a nut n take more fotos tmw...of me myself n i..hehe...dun lyk me..TOO BAD...

went out wid jay juz now...talked to her quite a bit..one tree hill has definitely made me think quite a bit n yea was sharing all of tt wid her.....had our coffee n brownieeeeeeee...n im beginning to hate the yishun starbucks...the staff is fucked up.....all they do is give u weird stares..WTF is wrong wid u dipshits..n the guys r either cheeky or irritating...

u kno smetimes i rite random lines...if say i read them 5 yrs lata u think i'll still remember wad i rote abt???....i duno its so weird..i dun actually rite the actual stuff cuz some of it is abt sme of the ppl who oso read my blog..get wad im saying??yea..i duno its juz weird..but i cant rite those stuff cuz its all too explicit...yea lyk im not alrdy explicit..whatever ignore me...

i think snoop dog is CUTE...but he aint ugly..my mum says he's got tis indian look..i think he's cute cute cute....n the lead singer of the killers not bad...n yea my mum was insulting evrybody she was saying tis for the killers n greenday n duno which othr bands..but she kept saying tis 'juz put a dress on him n he'll look exactly lyk a girl'...see tis is whr i get my crap frm....n hilary duff has got no more shape but she lost SO much of weight...n her face looks so damn nice now..ive to do smth abt myself man....my face still looks fat...grrrrrrrrr....i wonder how hilary duff did it...yea tt shit prolly had a personal trainer or smth...but i lyk her.....

anyways me n my mum was toking abt smth juz now...n then duno wad we touched on..but it was abt me...if i do become a gynae...so she said smth lyk 'oh so ur imagining stuff alrdy isit?in ur dreams haf u bought ur nameplate wid praveena Ph.D or MBBS'...i was lyk 'yea..i mean ive alrdy imagined going to work in my black sexy convertible/sports car...2seater..having power suits n power shoes...having a nice room/office...n evrytime i walk into the hospital i will be the most popular doc ard..evryone will be greeting me n blah blah blah'...n she was laughing....i guess i treausre moments lyk this wid my mum cuz i lyk this kinda playful tok/banter...its fun...n i enjoy it...n since me n my mum seldom do tok its kinda memorable...anyways yea i put evrything here so maybe 10yrs down the road if i read this i'll remember...n blogger betta not close down...wonder if my mum will ever find out abt my blog...

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:36 PM


Friday, September 09, 2005

ive been MIA for a loooooooong time...first shoutouts...

GRAPES:i shall not call u grapes but wen u tag juz rite grapes thr cuz its so confusing n yea thank God i can sleep now..no more stalker....yo n get well soon k....love u...

PRI-YER:hey girl..really was wondering who u were..neways...shall sms u after the promos then we shall go out n haf fun kaes...:)

MEL:hey girl..yea..erm we can go on mondays...cuz i end at 1...juz tell me wen u wana go..

okies...now abt me...thrs nothing much to say...erm...i duno...

mum took leave for the 1st 3days of the wk..mostly slacked around..went shopping wid her..got my perfume n bags...got a new top too..wid new shoes too..okok...i went shopping ttz the bottomline..yea..suta stayed over..

so suta went to get her jeans at woodlands central..n guess who i met while come back?...yes..tt idiot..who was coming back frm msia...well its gd thing i met him tt day n erm finished it....as in the meeting him part...cuz i haven met him again till today...n wun be meeting him tmw n sun im sure..n yea am toking abt monan...

anyways had tuition today..after tt met janani..she is abit mad la...i duno a bit off la the brains....anyways yea met jay oso..n then met debby...saw her auntie then i juz thot she mite be meeting her auntie so waited n true enuff she came..so jay jan n me wished her n left...went to foodcourt...eating ice kachang cuz jan felt so HOT...then met zana...n went to her hse after tt...priya was sick so din go to teach her so yea went to zana hse instead..n i scratched zana face a 101 times cuz of my nails la...cant even touch her face or lyk push it away cuz my nails will scratch..so yea..then she sent me off...i think am gona go over to put henna tmw...so yea...

ttz abt it for my hols wk...never study...so im screwed...n yea tuition again tmw..duno la..ARGHS...so sickening...am gona die n rot in hell...been thinking so much lately but juz too lazy to type all tt stuff here..will prolly take hrs man...well wen i die juz go find my diary n read it..maybe we can publish it....hmmmmmmmmmm intersting...zana n priya knows how the diary looks lyk so yea..chris knows tooo...erm....so yea..juz ask them..oh wait i think jay knows oso...ya la...it will be published so juz go n buy the book k...entitled ' the failure's life '........ :)

i //young of the butterfly// you 9:11 PM