Monday, January 23, 2006
been doing a few tests for myself..i think ive confirmed it...read up a bit on it...n am trying to sort things out for myself..but i think i need help so yea...will think abt tt wen things get out of hand...a lot of things causing me to be this way..n moreover evrything i read or watch seems to tell me more abt it n whether im right or wrong in doing wad i do....maybe this is why im distancing myself frm so many ppl...i kno i am but i juz cant help it....
hansome's going for his op tmw...fricking worried lyk hell...but duno how its gona be...i juz hope he comes back ok...michelle was telling me her rabbit died cuz the dumbass vet left the fricking needle thr...ARGHS...hope nothing happens tmw..
damn nervous for the facil interview..i wonder wad they r gona make us do..i juz wana go straight into the orientation without having to do this interview stuff...hais...really really nervous man..hope i clear it....
had a good talk with sham chech the othr day...n i realised whatever she said is also what evrybody else said...n i trust her advice cuz she's matured enough to kno...so once again im back at square one...
i juz dun wana be doing smth tt i DUN lyk doing...i duno la..right now i feel lyk thrs absolutely no future for me AT ALL....im juz gona mug my way thru this yr...start asap...cuz evrybody in class seems to haf started...n then hopefully at the end of the yr i get to go to aussie..wana stay thr for smetime first..check out the unis personally cuz online juz doesnt help at all....
i juz cant believe tt its only 23 days into the new yr n im starting to be affected...
firstly my VERY wonderful 18th bday...the ICS ppl n IJ ppl..THANK U SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much....i was really so touched tt the ICS ppl actually celebrated my bday considering the fact tt i only got close to them in dec or so...was so touched tt i was crying wen they brought out the cake...if they had tol me earlier tt they wanted to celebrate i wld haf maybe pushed the dinner to a bit lata or postponed it cuz i sure enjoyed myself in sch...was juz so touched...then after tt jo n pinks brought me to fish n co...met shireen thr..was really so glad to see her...after a really long time...then CLARE came...missed her so much...n then mel came..YAYNESS...all in all i had a good bday..but tt happy exhilarant feeling lasted for less than a day...came hm n mood a bit spoilt by wad mum tol me...but then after tt before i slept i kinda smsed chris n scolded her for forgetting me..but she said she din n tt she wanted to call me at 2359 n wish me...haha..was quite funny la..then midway joshua called n sang me the bday song...touching again...then conference call after tt...crapping lyk nobody business...n at 2359 they sang me the bday song again...haha....had great fun crapping lyk tt...got many many presents..haha...LOVE the 2books i got...n many othr stuff..the Body Shop one frm CLARE too...haha...n the flowers frm shireen...im still keeping them...i hope my 21st bday is better...
i entered this world surrounded by the people who make up my family..then the circle widened to include my friends and within the subset of frens is this group of ppl who may not be on good terms..and as i grow older my family circle grew stronger while remaining fairly constant and that of my friends became wider and a newer exclusive subset of extremely close frens and best frens was born and it grew stronger day by day...in time to come newer circles will probably be formed and more people would probably join the existing ones. Now...will all these circles and the people within it stand by me and withstand any hurdles that come by our way? will they continue to bring joy and a sense of purpose to my life in the many many many more years to come..or will i be left all alone?? i know most of us will stick together through thick and thin..we will be there for one another..and even 40 yrs down the road we would still be hanging out with the same clique..wadeva life throws at us we will go thru it together..and laugh at it in the years ahead..guess i wont be alone after all..so..cheers to my family and my frens..
i lyk tt..took it frm smewhr...anyway..i officially haf an eye candy..im so proud of myself...dun ask y...wen he was thr i din appreciate or rather LOOK...but now tt he is gone im trying to find for evry single way whr i can see him or meet him...twice alrdy so far...HAHAHA...sorry a bit hyper rite now...
anyway found out tt smeone i kno almost died during the dec hols cuz she tried to commit suicide cuz of depression...rite now at this pnt in time i kno im vry vry vulnerable to depression...i kno i might be able to fall into it very soon..ttz y im pouring evrything out to chris zana n vasan as much as i can...n zana is lyk my psychologist...i fricking cant lie to her cuz she reads me so well even over the phone...or maybe im juz too transparent..well anyway yea..
went for ananthi's bday party today...a bit of mess...but i saw all the IJ ppl thr...so happy to see bhindoo...she hasnt changed one single bit...realised how much i miss all of them...anyway ananthi looked really sexy la...haha...n Mr Eye Candy was thr...haha....suba also..finally got to see who sumi is..n i realised she is DDG...calista angela...indhu...everybody la...the whole thing was really wonderful..DJs were ok..my cousin was DJing la...cake also damn nice...frens speeches oso...haha...i juz miss IJ on the whole...
my mum hasnt been toking to me properly..well she n her moodswings..n im caught in the middle again u kno..evrytime..suse aunty tells me stuff...n then eavesdrop on mum's convo n hear others...i duno wad to do la...i feel i dun deserve to be caught up in this shit...but smehow i always am...
im teaching sunday sch in chris church nxt sun i think...this sun chairing for the kids church...kinda nervous n evrything...but im gona do it...need to choose the songs...haven even checked the cd yet....im hardly in the position to be teaching since im one wid prolly lyk no faith or smth...but i enjoy doing this kinda stuff...i think its really fun n sometimes i feel really peaceful wen i do it...well juz hope tis sun n nxt sun goes well..
this tues n wed has prolly been another one of those memorable days...great fun i had....wid evrybody...esp today..after ICS sitting in the canteen n crapping...i think i was most myself today...im still on a quest to find my IJ self...cuz i lyk tt self the most...hehe...so yea today was great fun...i think i haf stuff sorted out in the dating/guys sector which is pretty good for me...OMG had so much fun wid shanto yest...he was damn funny..n the whole bitching part abt sme asses..
im gona be turning 18 soon...n i dun think i wana go hm after sch..i prolly wana go out by myself or wid chris or smeone i feel comfy wid n juz go hm late..dun really wana see my mum or dad...i duno....the fact tt i actually wana be left alone is kinda funny...smeone asked me 'wads wid the whole u n being alone thing abt?'...i din reply...cuz i got no reply..
n this post is in dribs n drabs cuz my mind isnt exactly here rite now...sorry evryone...
JAY B PANICKER....u will be leaving spore in a months++ time....so wad am i supposed to do in spore??...who's gona buy CAWFEE wid me?...who's gona come n slack in my hse?...who's gona visit mr muthu wid me??...u very bad u kno..leave me here all alone..but then again i want u to be happy...so go ahead..n go to aussie study hard play hard n PLS come back here k..dun migrate thr all...
dance on wed went fine..juz tt as usual i screwed up..yes praveena here forgot her steps..it was embarrassing n scary...dancing in front of a crowd u duno...n then wid some nuts imitating the dance rite in front of u..goodness...bro paul watched it as well...wonder wad he thought abt it..
the big As r here this yr...u kno the stress hasnt even started but im alrdy feeling it...i mean the workload now is nothing compared to wad its gona be in maybe a month's time...or 2 or a few...need to buck up for GP..for econs...n rite now i haf no idea wad they r toking abt for econs..the trade stuff...i really got myself into shit...k now im starting to panic...
been doing a few tests for myself..i think ive confirmed it...read up a bit on it...n am trying to sort things out for myself..but i think i need help so yea...will think abt tt wen things get out of hand...a lot of things causing me to be this way..n moreover evrything i read or watch seems to tell me more abt it n whether im right or wrong in doing wad i do....maybe this is why im distancing myself frm so many ppl...i kno i am but i juz cant help it....
hansome's going for his op tmw...fricking worried lyk hell...but duno how its gona be...i juz hope he comes back ok...michelle was telling me her rabbit died cuz the dumbass vet left the fricking needle thr...ARGHS...hope nothing happens tmw..
damn nervous for the facil interview..i wonder wad they r gona make us do..i juz wana go straight into the orientation without having to do this interview stuff...hais...really really nervous man..hope i clear it....
had a good talk with sham chech the othr day...n i realised whatever she said is also what evrybody else said...n i trust her advice cuz she's matured enough to kno...so once again im back at square one...
i juz dun wana be doing smth tt i DUN lyk doing...i duno la..right now i feel lyk thrs absolutely no future for me AT ALL....im juz gona mug my way thru this yr...start asap...cuz evrybody in class seems to haf started...n then hopefully at the end of the yr i get to go to aussie..wana stay thr for smetime first..check out the unis personally cuz online juz doesnt help at all....
i juz cant believe tt its only 23 days into the new yr n im starting to be affected...
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:52 PM
Sunday, January 22, 2006
firstly my VERY wonderful 18th bday...the ICS ppl n IJ ppl..THANK U SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much....i was really so touched tt the ICS ppl actually celebrated my bday considering the fact tt i only got close to them in dec or so...was so touched tt i was crying wen they brought out the cake...if they had tol me earlier tt they wanted to celebrate i wld haf maybe pushed the dinner to a bit lata or postponed it cuz i sure enjoyed myself in sch...was juz so touched...then after tt jo n pinks brought me to fish n co...met shireen thr..was really so glad to see her...after a really long time...then CLARE came...missed her so much...n then mel came..YAYNESS...all in all i had a good bday..but tt happy exhilarant feeling lasted for less than a day...came hm n mood a bit spoilt by wad mum tol me...but then after tt before i slept i kinda smsed chris n scolded her for forgetting me..but she said she din n tt she wanted to call me at 2359 n wish me...haha..was quite funny la..then midway joshua called n sang me the bday song...touching again...then conference call after tt...crapping lyk nobody business...n at 2359 they sang me the bday song again...haha....had great fun crapping lyk tt...got many many presents..haha...LOVE the 2books i got...n many othr stuff..the Body Shop one frm CLARE too...haha...n the flowers frm shireen...im still keeping them...i hope my 21st bday is better...
i entered this world surrounded by the people who make up my family..then the circle widened to include my friends and within the subset of frens is this group of ppl who may not be on good terms..and as i grow older my family circle grew stronger while remaining fairly constant and that of my friends became wider and a newer exclusive subset of extremely close frens and best frens was born and it grew stronger day by day...in time to come newer circles will probably be formed and more people would probably join the existing ones. Now...will all these circles and the people within it stand by me and withstand any hurdles that come by our way? will they continue to bring joy and a sense of purpose to my life in the many many many more years to come..or will i be left all alone?? i know most of us will stick together through thick and thin..we will be there for one another..and even 40 yrs down the road we would still be hanging out with the same clique..wadeva life throws at us we will go thru it together..and laugh at it in the years ahead..guess i wont be alone after all..so..cheers to my family and my frens..
i lyk tt..took it frm smewhr...anyway..i officially haf an eye candy..im so proud of myself...dun ask y...wen he was thr i din appreciate or rather LOOK...but now tt he is gone im trying to find for evry single way whr i can see him or meet him...twice alrdy so far...HAHAHA...sorry a bit hyper rite now...
anyway found out tt smeone i kno almost died during the dec hols cuz she tried to commit suicide cuz of depression...rite now at this pnt in time i kno im vry vry vulnerable to depression...i kno i might be able to fall into it very soon..ttz y im pouring evrything out to chris zana n vasan as much as i can...n zana is lyk my psychologist...i fricking cant lie to her cuz she reads me so well even over the phone...or maybe im juz too transparent..well anyway yea..
went for ananthi's bday party today...a bit of mess...but i saw all the IJ ppl thr...so happy to see bhindoo...she hasnt changed one single bit...realised how much i miss all of them...anyway ananthi looked really sexy la...haha...n Mr Eye Candy was thr...haha....suba also..finally got to see who sumi is..n i realised she is DDG...calista angela...indhu...everybody la...the whole thing was really wonderful..DJs were ok..my cousin was DJing la...cake also damn nice...frens speeches oso...haha...i juz miss IJ on the whole...
i //young of the butterfly// you 12:23 AM
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
my mum hasnt been toking to me properly..well she n her moodswings..n im caught in the middle again u kno..evrytime..suse aunty tells me stuff...n then eavesdrop on mum's convo n hear others...i duno wad to do la...i feel i dun deserve to be caught up in this shit...but smehow i always am...
im teaching sunday sch in chris church nxt sun i think...this sun chairing for the kids church...kinda nervous n evrything...but im gona do it...need to choose the songs...haven even checked the cd yet....im hardly in the position to be teaching since im one wid prolly lyk no faith or smth...but i enjoy doing this kinda stuff...i think its really fun n sometimes i feel really peaceful wen i do it...well juz hope tis sun n nxt sun goes well..
this tues n wed has prolly been another one of those memorable days...great fun i had....wid evrybody...esp today..after ICS sitting in the canteen n crapping...i think i was most myself today...im still on a quest to find my IJ self...cuz i lyk tt self the most...hehe...so yea today was great fun...i think i haf stuff sorted out in the dating/guys sector which is pretty good for me...OMG had so much fun wid shanto yest...he was damn funny..n the whole bitching part abt sme asses..
im gona be turning 18 soon...n i dun think i wana go hm after sch..i prolly wana go out by myself or wid chris or smeone i feel comfy wid n juz go hm late..dun really wana see my mum or dad...i duno....the fact tt i actually wana be left alone is kinda funny...smeone asked me 'wads wid the whole u n being alone thing abt?'...i din reply...cuz i got no reply..
n this post is in dribs n drabs cuz my mind isnt exactly here rite now...sorry evryone...
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:25 PM
Friday, January 06, 2006
JAY B PANICKER....u will be leaving spore in a months++ time....so wad am i supposed to do in spore??...who's gona buy CAWFEE wid me?...who's gona come n slack in my hse?...who's gona visit mr muthu wid me??...u very bad u kno..leave me here all alone..but then again i want u to be happy...so go ahead..n go to aussie study hard play hard n PLS come back here k..dun migrate thr all...
dance on wed went fine..juz tt as usual i screwed up..yes praveena here forgot her steps..it was embarrassing n scary...dancing in front of a crowd u duno...n then wid some nuts imitating the dance rite in front of u..goodness...bro paul watched it as well...wonder wad he thought abt it..
the big As r here this yr...u kno the stress hasnt even started but im alrdy feeling it...i mean the workload now is nothing compared to wad its gona be in maybe a month's time...or 2 or a few...need to buck up for GP..for econs...n rite now i haf no idea wad they r toking abt for econs..the trade stuff...i really got myself into shit...k now im starting to panic...
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:26 PM