Sunday, August 06, 2006
MEL:hey mel im missing u loads too..thrs been so much happening..but feel lyk thrs no time to spend wid u guys cuz im lyk super bz wid i myself duno wad..but i smehow haf no time to go out n stuff..but maybe we can squeeze in one more outing before the fcking prelims start..well deepavali's coming in abt 2-3 mths time n as usual u guys hafta come for dinner kaes..love u (:stayed over at uncle's hse during the wkend..it was really quite fun..though i really din wana go..really wanted to stay hm n study but went for suta in the end..tt nut..forced me to go..so yea went in the end..well it was fun la..im coming to love these gatherings though smetimes i feel lyk shit after going..smtimes the stuff ppl say can really hurt u so bad..n a person lyk me wid the most fragile n softest heart..its kinda VERY hurtful..
anyways lets not go thr..meera chechi's wedding last wk..for the one time in my life i think i looked nice..haha..well anyway after the wedding went newton circus to meet aunties n sme frens..then after tt came hm..the wedding was quite ok but i felt tt it was a bit messy..n the place was really cramped..now i kno if im gona haf a wedding im gona make sure its a big place wid the tables spaced out such tt ppl can walk normally..esp ppl in saris...God u kno how difficult it is to squeeze thru the tables in a sari..everytime i did tt i felt lyk my sari was dropping off..n my sari..i think smth was wrong wid the width..so it was kinda short for my legs...n i had to tie it super low..felt a bit weird cuz i dun usually wear stuff tt low..n anyways i stick by wad i always say..'
a sari always brings out the beauty n elegance in a woman'... (:
anyways i vry badly need a car to practise my driving really..n its getting more fun so im enjoying my lessons now...juz hope tt i can get my license by jan...i REALLY want to..
anyways i kno i haven updated in super long..really got no bloody time to do so..too much has been happening n its all too private so yea..
right now ET's playing on TV n the TV's right behind my back..but i really dun feel lyk watching it cuz the prev time i did i duno why but i cried buckets..n i guess i dun want tt to happen in front of my bros..hais but hearing evrything is so sad...i think im still gona cry anyway..how stupid..
my grandma's been staying over in my hse n its been good having her around cuz im always happy wen she stays over..but the othr day...i did the stupidest thing..i was feeling so down n upset n all tt shit n i shouted at her wen she nagged at me...i felt really so horrible after tt...the nxt day i went to sch fearing tt she wld juz leave the hse whilst i was still in sch..u kno thruout the whole day at sch i was super scared..but then wen i went hme she was still thr n she din scold me nothing..but she talked to me very gently..n she said sme stuff to me which really tugged at my heart...
you kno u need to learn to keep ur anger/temper in check..u can lose it wid ur family members..we dun care..but others lyk ur frens n maybe the working world wun be able to accept it..lyk wen u shouted at me yest i juz ignored u..i din take it to heart cuz i knew u were probably very tired n stressed out..ttz y i juz ignored it..but others wld haf taken offence n cld haf created a scene or ignored u after tt..u dun wana lose a fren cuz of ur temper rite?..n also think abt it after being angry wid smeone dun u smetimes feel guilty or sad after shotuing at smeone..u feel lyk uve done smth wrong to the person..n continuing to think abt it will only hurt u further..tt thought will hurt u n ur alrdy hurt heart more than ever...so maybe u shld really learn to keep ur anger/temper in check..tt night i cried my self to sleep to badly..i really duno wad time i fell aslp but i was crying so badly..cuz i realised tt whatever she said was SO true...how many times haf i ever actually gotten angry at smeone n then immediately regretted it?....
COUNTLESS TIMES..i always blow up at ppl n then regret doing so cuz im afraid tt it wld haf hurt them..n then thinking abt it makes me feel lyk shit cuz i feel even more upset wid myself..n also im sure ive lost a few or maybe even many ppl due to my temper..recently its been getting worst...i getting pissed off for evry small thing..my bro can say smth rude to me n then i will say smth rude back or hit him n then not speak to him for a day or 2 whole days..its really shit u kno..really shit..but i still do it..i really duno how to control/lose the anger/temper.. i duno how long its gona stick ard but i hope smehow i manage to keep it under control..really do...
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:49 PM