im a lil butterfly (:

Friday, April 29, 2005

din go for brkfast in the morn..was almost late for sch..haha..n monan also din call me at 8..he called at 10..haha..was toking to him then..wished i cld haf gone out for brkfast wid him n chris..darn..

sch was fine..had a heart to heart wid laureen today..duno y..but yea durin lunch we did..had maths/lit/GP..GP we did a stupid advertisement..ughs i had to act lyk i was cutting myself..so rubbish..promoting penknife for self mutilation..haha no wonder miss chok din lyk us..n bryan n james were the only 2 who wanted to buy our items..hehe..n lyk more than half the class wanted the rubber bands la...so crappy..but their grp was damn style..then ian's grp oso..4 colours..4 colours..4 colours..marianne whoa bimbotic man..but i think she was the only one who had guts to do it..hehe..n mine..me 'cutting' my hand..wrist..whatever..erm...nothing to say..stayed back for maths which was fun..haha wid bose n melvyn ard..damn crappy..walked out wid mel laureen n cephas..mel asked me to go for tt clubbing party thing..haha..nonsense..then i was telling him i dun feel safe going clubbing wid a bunch of guys..then he said its juz gona be a bunch of SJI guys they're harmless..im lyk yea n wen they get drunk they r still harmless right?..then he suddenly started making horny sounds n calling my name in a horny way then he said 'actually u need to be more careful of me'..yea melvyn..i need to stay away frm u..he's been eyeing my legs n skirt la the whole wk..freaky..sat at bus stop n toked to cephas..heard A LOT of stuff frm him..A LOT..at least now i kno y they hate the few ppl in our class..

am currently feeling VERY LOVED right now..haha..by edrea..so sweet of her to try make things A WHOLE LOT better for me..she wana come fight vanessa for me..ilu edrea..thank u..(=..so sweet of her..hais..dear frens..i miss all of them..she will be visiting me soon..will be looking forward to it aight?????..love u edrea..thank u so much..u really made my day..(=..

had brk wid NIVES today..was so happy..haha..but she was upset..poor girl..stuff to do wid CCA..saw sara today..n im officially known as 'HIGH WOMAN' to him..hmph..shucks no ICS on mon or not can play a fool wid him again..haha..

OMG OMG OMG..i HAFTA announce this k..on sun night at 9pm they're playing MAIN HOON NA on central..for those who are BOLLYWOOD lovers PLEASE watch the movie cuz u will LOVE it..n thrs one SUPER nice song too..beautiful colours evrything..OMG OMG OMG!!!...i CANT wait..

im trying to make them see reason..FUCK IT..they not listening..not at all..fucking shit..i will shut up..

EDITS

i think i kinda pissed the whole class off..but u kno wad??they will never understand..they never will till they've been thru this shit..i was trying to be nice n not get angry but i did..i did..im sorry i did ok..i juz quit the convo..n this time no one added me back..which was gd cuz i needed my damned space..even yest in the convo they din give a damn abt wad i was saying esp him..i really think ur a COMPLETE asshole..shit it..i was pissed ok..totally..n today they refused to listen to wad i had to say..only yijie bothered to tok to me after tt..yea so i tol him..whatever it is..i DUN intend to make any fcking besties/close/gd frens in CJ..nopes i found them in IJ..n they will stay wid me..at least my true frens will..im juz gona let this 2yrs in CJ be a passing thing..not a memory tt i will wana keep for life..i dun see how my JC life can be gd at all..i kno God put me in tt class for a reason..i juz haven figured out the reason..i duno wen i will..but for now..i juz duno nothing..im really confused n in a mess right now..i juz wish all the ppl i loved were in CJ..ppl lyk yipin,mel,jolene..n also chris/monan...the two ppl i feel so comfy wid..ive juz been feeling lyk shit..monan gona call lata..he's gona hafta listen to my shit..i hope i dun brk down..or mayb i shld n let all those crap emtions out..i haven cried in a long time n i desperately need to..cuz i feel sucky..i kno the only way im gona let go of things is thru crying..n i need tt push..smeone to juz say smth to make me SNAP n cry..call me a crybaby a wetblanket..but its the only way i can cope wid my emtions..this class thing is lyk on my mind constantly..really..lyk wad mr muthu says i shldnt bother..but it is really difficult u kno..n he tol me to do well for all my tests..i fucking let him down by failing my econs..my studies is the only way i can show them tt im not anothr girl they can mess ard wid..show them who i am..i must put in the effort to really buck up for econs esp..understand wad they want..n give it to them..i dun wana mess up anymore..getting so low for my econs really brought me down a lot..n now thr r so many projects to do..GP not to mention my sucky grp..the leftovers as id lyk to put it..econs..the best grp by far..maths...omg..im dying k..im really dying..

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:11 PM

Thursday, April 28, 2005

duno y ive been feeling pretty down the whole day..i kno i met mel n all..yea happy abt tt..also bought my pencil case..smehow i cant help but feel sad tt this is smewad lyk the last time i will be meeting mel for the wk..hais..yest was freaking happy..the thought of meeting mel pulled me thru sch..then today the thought of meeting mel again pulled me thru..n tmw??..i dun think im gona be vry happy..class meeting up for breakfast..am not gona go..dun wana go..im suddenly feeling vry vry down..shit..it aint gd..

the class is juz pissing me off..maybe i am passing my judgement a bit too fast..im suddenly gona brk down..today's PE was juz shitty to the max..i duno y k..but evryone was juz being terrible..i felt so hurt..n wen nives came i was really gona brk down..omg i duno wad to do..i duno how to put my thoughts into words at all..but im juz gona brk down..feel lyk total crap..

sadia juz called me saying she has been nominated n ttshe saw monan today shaving his head at rilva's hse on the steps..get wad im saying??...im going out wid him soon again..i dun care..i wana meet him..

class conference on msn rite now..they din bother abt wad i said..they juz din reply..so i decided to shut up n they are bitching abt othr members of the class..fucking hell..n they r discussing wid each othr w/o including me..nvm..i will not let this affect me..crap..jo thanks for ur tag..abt me going thru politics earlier than the rest..hais..i wonder how im gona make it..i really duno..i was telling chris the othr day smehow ive come to terms wid the fact tt i am after all alone in my class tt i dun give a damn anymore but i thin i do..im a vry contradictory person..i really dun haf anybody wid me..i dun..not a single soul..n i think i hafta accept the fact tt its gona be this way for two yrs..i think i hafta accept the fact tt im gona be a loner for two yrs..

// my heart's at a low im so much to manage i think u shld kno tt ive been damaged

i //young of the butterfly// you 9:34 PM

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

i love my two besties who make me soooooooooooooo happy n make me feel lyk myself all over again..I LOVE U JO N MEL!!..haha..was so glad tt i met mel n jo today..poor jo has three tests tmw while i finished all of mine..thank God..am hoping to pass the econs test at least..din draw any diagrams n tt juz freaked me out cuz laureen n bose did..

got PW grps today..im quite ok wid my grp..not sad definitely..im only sad cuz i din get the grp i wanted..the more i stay in t09 the more im starting to hate the class..with evrybody being so choosy over the ppl they want..ok i also chose the ppl i wanted but ifu had put me wid them i wldnt haf complained..not at all.but she did..im not gona say who..but i was shocked cuz i din expect her of all ppl to complain..michelle i understand k..cuz i think we r both feeling the same abt our class..n ive seen how unfair they r to her..i find it absolutely disgusting n repulsive..i figure the class only likes me cuz im 'gd' at maths..ttz wad they think..they dun even kno me..they kno nothing..im pissed cuz of tt..cuz i felt they were making use of me..n i hate tt..cuz for the maths project thing they all wanted me in their grps cuz they think im gd at maths..im not k..im not..i juz happen to put in alot of effort for maths cuz i really want an A for tt..i was pissed after tt la..ur obviously using me..sickening shit..this is wad i hate..im not giving them a chance..again..im ok wid them u kno..i think they r quite an ok bunch of ppl..but i hate the politics..in 2/1n 4/7..we never had politics..even the netballers din mind lyk being wid us n stuff..they had their clique yea..but we DIN feel the politics..whereas here in t9..i can FEEL the damned politics..i hate it..i duno how to handle situations lyk this..crap..n evryone thinks im attached..great..juz wad i need..n to monan somemore...im NOT att to monan..my classmates think i am..daymn..

well anyway i FINALLY made a date wid chantelle..i had no say in it..i swear..she forced it on me..haha..but im happy..cuz then i wld haf totally delayed it n not gone at all..im gona play pool for the first time..omg..im gona make a fool out of myself..n she dosnt believe i really cant play..mans..so sad..guess i wun be going out wid ICS this fri..i'll only go if sara goes..n he wun so yea i wun go as well..

probs wid my mum started again..i wonder if anything is wrong wid me..as in really..i think so..nvm..i juz hafta shift my energy to my frens instead of my family..but somehow i feel lyk ive lost evrybody..nvm..i duno wad im toking..really..i duno..

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:09 PM

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

haven really blogged much..here r some random thoughts
-failed econs tho i studied a bit
-had fun during ICS on mon
-monan left on sun din pick up his call feel damn bad but too scared to call him back
-saw clare today
-looking forward to meeting yipin n nives on mon
-meeting mel n chris tmw
-went out wid chris n ish watched movie took neos..had fun
-going out on fri wid ICS prolly..to eat
-going GS tmw to tok to nives
-feeling worried for her
-had ten coffee sweets
-need to study till 2 [2230-0000->econs econs econs..after tt need to do GP maths n read lit]
-iron uni
-still in deep thought abt class [pft/pe/hypocrites/backstabbers]
-missing jolene

i //young of the butterfly// you 9:57 PM

Friday, April 22, 2005

THURS 21st apr

sch was fine today..took a shower in sch after mass pe..panicked lyk hell cuz we went to the toilet pretty late..n i had a horse tail to wash..n i din bring any lotion..omg..i swear i was so damn paranoid abt tt..i cant live w/o the lotion..i felt so bare after tt..n did i mention after my 2 yrs in CJ i will OFFICIALLY be a bloody charcoal..cuz of the mass pe in the SUN..the wonderful SUN..my bestest fren the SUN..arghs..as it is im alrdy dark enuff...mans..

class was ok today..still get the feeling timothy doesnt wana work wid us..i hate it wen this happens in grps..i really hate it..someone cannot get along with the othr n then im in the middle..n yea vanessa IS a bitch..i wish to hell she wld juz piss off..i am ignoring her..doing a pretty gd job alrdy..cant be bothered wid bitches lyk her who lk down on othrs wen she herself isnt perfect or pretty or cool for tt matter..u suck bitch..on a lighter note,toked to derek after sch..he says he will get the form for me..i hope he does..he promised..maths after sch was a bit draggy n tiring..marianne was riting in chinese for me to read..i MISS doing tt k..so bad..i used to do so much of shit in IJ..lyk riting chinese..not pronouncing the words properly..ughs..i miss IJ..but me n marianne were having fun..haha..n she tol me STUFF..which i never knew abt...quite a lot of politics in my class too..haha..anyways maths tut today sucked..im fucking pissed off wid the teacher..mr chai..wadever his bloody name is la..im so pissed..i do not wana fail my maths..a BIG no..i need an A for maths for my mid yrs/promos/As..evrything k...n he is gona make me fail..dawg..

forgot to watch OC..cld kill myself..but nvm..am gona restrain frm watching one tree hill also cuz ive got lots of work to do..the wrkload is getting to me..too much to cope wid..im starting to haf UGLY eyebags..econs..she juz dumped EVERYTHING on us..making us finish it during the wkend..n also gotta do lit which we haven even started on[BNW]..got maths/econs/lit/tamil...OMG...n thrs lyk 4 or 3 tests nxt wk..or mayb even more..i will die la..maths oso..i need to get an A in tt..i NEED to..now im scared..

yipin is leaving..confirmed..am really sad..been away frm her for so long alrdy..wish she was in CJ..juz wish..hais..n now tt i kno she wun be here after a few more mths i start to worry cuz my fren n i are separated..n it sux la..i mean we wun even be celebrating her bday for her..n she is gona be thr for 5 yrs..5 freaking yrs..completing her uni..mans..during tt time so much cld happen...i mean i oso wana go overseas..thrs gona be so many changes..really duno how im gona cope..the thought of it all scares me..

FRIDAY 22nd apr

today was sucha gd day...

sch was ok...thank God miss chia was teaching us today..was happy..n vanessa is pissing me off big time..i hate her..was also dozing off during econs lect...sitting in the 4th row..my gdness..haha..brk was great cuz i had nives wid me..but tt ass went to sit wid nicholas during lit..NICHOLAS I HATE U!piece of shit...cow..nives has band camp..for three days..n sara wanted to sneak out in the night to steal the cow..wth?..but thr r NO MORE cows..oh so sad..haha..

after sch met monan...can see a lot of changes in him..so much more mature..hais duno wad to say la..things are different..then went to citylink,heeren,paragon,far east juz to find a pencil case but cldnt find one..seriously..feel so damn bad for making monan walk all ard..cuz i kno how much his thighs n back hurts...mine hurts the same too..poor fellow..sorry..after tt met chris..had lunch at picnics wid her n monan..then after tt he left n we went to meet naren n su..had quite a bit of fun wid them too..taking neos..haha..but the neos were a bit spoiler cuz we basically din kno how to operate the machine..n so many candid[ugly] shots..i dun lyk the heeren neoprint shop..i prefer the far east one but tt closed down...yeas after tt had dinner at iniavan in tekka then came hme late..

am gona go for jan's fair tmw teach rasheed then go study econs..duno how im gona do tt..then wana meet monan also since he is leaving on sun..hais..sux man..now tt he is leaving i feel sad..i guess its the same for yipin also..thinking abt it is scary..im NOT gona think anymore..

random thoughts : haven done stuff for PW..still dun understand stuff..confused..student council totally out of the ques..gone case..fuck it..im sad..

bye all..

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:18 PM

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

well well..i dun think i can run for council anymore..even miss chok juz realised the deadline was on mon..n i still cant find tan jek suan ard..n evrytime i see him ive gotta rush for lessons n stuff..ughs..im gona TRY n forget abt it..TRY..

today was so much fun..met priya after sch n went j8 wid her..n did sme crappy shopping..bought 3 for $10 earrings..i got this fairy ones...SO PRETTY..n then after tt juz hang ard looking at tops..i realise tt thr r so many beautiful tops ard..esp in hang ten..im gona steal money frm my mother..ok not literally but yea..

tis sat me wana go play pool wid my uncle..must call him..must go for nbss fair as well..

saw jo tis morn..was feeling happy cuz i saw jo..hehe..then during assembly tis SAF guys came to sing..LALALALALALALA!!!.i wana go for the concert but im not going cuz i dun wana go wid my class..juz dun feel comfy enuff wid them yet...but nvm im sure they'll haf fun..so yeas..the whole day was quite ok..tho econs lect was BORING..then lit lect was ok..sme ass did the lecture..n she sucked..she is mad la..then after tt had PW..i swear i DUNO wad to do for PW AT ALL..im so screwed..i really need help k..n my PW grp..i haf a nice grp in mind n i PRAY n HOPE i get those ppl..PLEASE GOD HELP ME!!!!...n for GP timothy isnt exactly happy being stuck wid us i think..i cant help but feel a bit sad..hais..econs we haven really done anything..we r screwed as well..

thrs ethics tmw..wonder if fahy will be back..bloody dog..he is so bloody philosophical..y is he teaching ethics???i dun lyk him la..his lessons lyk u must really participate..show a 'happy' face n stuff..scary la..mad man..hope its not him tmw..

monan is leaving tis wk..its damn sad la..i mean he stayed for lyk 3wks this time..i felt lyk happy cuz he wld call me frm time to time juz to tok n disturb me..n smetimes i really need tt..i dun wana haf a serious convo..i juz wana crap n spew vulgarities lyk nobody's business..n i feel comfy doing tt wid him..n juz go over to his hse n SLACK..i really miss him vry badly..hais..its a sucky feeling..

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:17 PM

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

MEL AND YIPIN : i swear me n nives soooooo need to meet u guys..lets go out for dinner or smth..no expensive place pls..juz as long as we can sit n tok n crap smewhr..tt wld be gd..but nives got lyk band evryday frm this wk to nxt cuz of SYF..we must go after tt k..or mayb fri or smth...we need to UPDATE UPDATE!!!..i miss u guys..haha n im still high on ur names..love u guys..

i think today was a gd day for me..(= (= (= (=

actually the day started off wid me seeing clareeeeeeeee*...felt sooooooooo happppyyyyyy...

haha..then started off wid ethics WITHOUT fahy..which felt SO gd..i wish miss tan/mrs tan whatever her name is would take us for the rest of the yr..toked abt jealousy..n thought of the joyce thing..well shared it wid the class..dun worry no names mentioned..
yeas then after tt had tamil..which again was gd cuz my tamil teacher is a funny man..hahaha..he is damn gd n is willing to help me..n this is the only yr im feeling motivated to actually study for tamil..cuz he says he will help..(=...im happy..
after tt had econs tutorial...not exactly a tutorial..but test la..DRQ..i hope i pass...n bose was damn crappy..he got up a few times ran to his front seat n back again...duno wth he was doing la...
after tt lit wid mdm damo..she wasnt so irritating today..she let us do our tutorial..so yeas..did the poison tree n pretty rose tree..the poems r REALLY interesting..blake's an interesting man..haha..
anyway after tt had brk..n then i duno y i ended up sitting wid timothy n audrey n melvyn n eunice...a bit weird..felt weird but i realised they arent really so bad after all..timothy is quite funny actually.. oh n timothy said tt ive settled in or at least i wasnt wad he thot i was..in a gd sense i guess..but i duno..feel more comfy wid the class now..its not so bad la..i mean i still walk ard myself...but wen we r in class im much more talkative i guess..which is a gd thing to me..cuz at least i feel a bit more lyk myself..n EVERYONE has this impression tt im quiet n gd n innocent..HELL NO!!!...dun u guys DARE think tt of me..im one hell of an asshole..mans..cannt believe ppl actually think im gd n innocent???.........at a loss for words..hehe..
after brk had maths tut then maths lect..i was fucking pissed during maths tutorial...he CANT teach for nuts..how the fuck did he become a BLOODY lecturer in CJ??.....HELLOOOOOO???....was pissed la..i really need a tuition teacher dammit...i DUN wana fail my binomial n MI nxt wk..I CANT afford to..
GP after tt..GOOD NEWS GOOD NEWS..i might juz be running for council..miss chok asked in class today n the min she mentioned council i was lyk 'I WANA RUN!!'...n evrybody looked at me n laughed..i think timothy is also running...i hope we get in..dun want a high position or anything..juz wana be in council..cuz ICS isnt gona be sufficient..anyways back to GP..i think evryone was really tired..tired..hais..but bose n james came up wid some crappy stuff la..tt was quite funny haha..it was related to this eng exercise miss chok gave us..we were supposed to paraphrase the whole phrase..am not gona elaborate..but i thot it was quite gd..the way they played wid the words..haha
last period was PE..so freaking tiring..15mins for 2.4...HAFTA cut down BY nxt wk..at least 14..but actually im juz wondering wads the pnt in me doing so well for my shuttle run n 2.4 n sit ups n then go fail my incline n standing broad jump..i KNO im gona fail those two..so yeas..i think i got a phobia of jumping..as for my arms..they're FAT n FLABBY wid NO muscles..hehe..laureen was so freaking paranoid before the run n she ran in lyk 13mins la..mad girl..haha..bose was lyk in awe of her i think..n he felt ashamed tt she ran better..aiya these guys ah wen they run on the track they're gona be DAMN fast la..mad ppl..tt day they lyk sprinted one round..WOW!!!
stayed in class for awhile after tt..they were asking me to do tt mrt thing in tamil..damn crappy la..n ian wants to save it for RACIAL HARMONY day..hmmmm....smth's happening to my class..left after tt..was damn tired..

met chitra..i cld get used to seeing MORE of chitra..HAHA..felt so gd to see her..CHITRA I HOPE UR READING THIS..I LOVE U..haha..i miss her..n ive been postponing our date for lyk 2 yrs alrdy..feel bad..i really wana go out wid her..take NEOS..haven done tt in a LOOOOOONG time..n i owe my mum LOTSA money...lyk 600 for the fone..then i oso wana go buy new nike shoes n maybe an iPod..i need MONAYE..my pay is lyk real crap la..n tt also i hafta give my mum the money..hmmmm..any othr way of making some MONAYE??...hehe...my mum surprisingly cleared out my cupboard for me today..it looks sooooo empty..i need shorts..i wana go buy the sexaye CJ short shorts..its only lyk 3bucks i think..i want i want..

i //young of the butterfly// you 6:47 PM

Monday, April 18, 2005

a cry for help??i duno wad im doing ok..basically din get council form..a few tol me mayb u n council juz arent meant to be..she is a major bitch who is pissing me off bit by bit..was almost late for sch today..things in class looking up A BIT..still is going on n making me feel sucky..changed timetable which mite mean no more brks/lects/PE wid nives..i mite juz decide to kill myself..they dun really care..

no one is gona understand this so yeas dun try..

anyways today was a gd day cuz i wentt to sch wid priya,met priya after sch,she came over..n we r going out smetime tis wk..the thought of it juz makes me happy..haha...n ive got smth planned for her..haha..n i need the clique's co-operation..tol priya im repeating J1 for her..

anyways todays lit was a bit fun..mdm damo finally got damn pissed n she was lyk r we always lyk tis.blah blah blah..but i think this was the only lit lesson in CJ tt ive participated in..i wana participate more la..hehe..being a bit enthu here..cuz i lyk william blake..him n his bloody sexual connotations/symbols whatever...n mrs sng bloody grandmother is back..maths sucked cuz he only went thru lyk one ques..im fcking pissed to be honest..n asked him to teach me ques6 but implicit differentiation is involved n he wants to teach the class tt wen we cant even get the hang of MI..im not saying im super smart or anything but i kno its diff to cope esp wen we r all a pure 2nd intake la..n he is rushing things by trying to teach two topics at once..OMG..whatever!asshole....tamil's looking up..juz tt tt fucking dog is being a complete fucker..fucker..not the teacher a student..i pretty much dun lyk my tamil class either..i dun lyk anything la k..cuz im left all alone..i think if mel or yipin was thr also things wld look up ok..evrything's juz going down the drain...fuck it..

read suse auntie's email..so now my mum is pissed n doesnt wana go to india..whaatever la bitch..i hope she dies...her face is so fcking irritating..always so sulky..i swear i got my fucked up face frm her..y was she ever my mother?..cant stand her...

i think im showing sypmtoms of falling into depression all over again..great..juz wad i need..

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:41 PM

Sunday, April 17, 2005

FRIEND BY KAITLYN

I like to be around you
When your not tryin to be somebody
And i like to hang with you
Talk about whatever we talk about

I dont care where we go
What we do
Who you kno
What you wear
Or if your hair is blue or purple or pink

You dont have to be cool
Dont have to be smart
Dont need to know anything all the time
Its alright if your a little bit out of it
I dont care i just wanna be your friend

I like to go to the mall
And walk around with you laughin out loud
And you like to go up to people
And tell them your cousin is somebody famous

Dont care who we see
What they say
You and me we'll be ok
If we dont get caught by security

You dont have to be cool
Dont have to be smart
Dont need to know every thing all the time
Its alright if your a little bit out of it
I dont care i just wanna be your friend

I tell you what i dont tell any one else
Just having you here you no where
Helps me

You dont have to be cool
Dont have to be smart
Dont have to kno anything all the time
Dont have to be tough
6Dont have to be cute
Dont neeed to know anything any time
Its alright if your a little bit out of it
I just wanna be i just wanna be your friend

Dont have to be cool
Dont have to be smart
Dont have to be tough
Dont have to be cute
Dont need to know every thing all the time
Anything any time
I just wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your friend

I like to be around you when your not tryin to be somebody

MAY ANGELS LEAD YOU IN-JIMMY EAT WORLD

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might have one more chance
What would you think of me now
So lucky, So strong, So proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads
The sleepless go
May angels lead you in

So what would you think of me now
So lucky, So strong, So proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads
The sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in

And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big
God couldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads
The sleepless go
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in
May angels lead you in

i //young of the butterfly// you 3:27 PM

Saturday, April 16, 2005

well well..in reply to mel's tag...thurs was pretty ok..was happy tt i got to spend time wid nives at least..

on fri..well nothing much happened on fri..was ok la...morn had econs lect was dozing off..then i had GP tutorial..tt was screwed up cuz i forgot to bring my educated man essay..sucked...then had lit tutorial..mdm damo aka moodswing dog came in..i hate her damned face..she made us do practical criticism..which im SURE to fail..even tho i rote 2 n half pages..then had brk wid nives...then after tt had lit lect..went wid nives n mark...my william blake bk fell lyk 4 times..i think me n the bk r juz not meant to be..anyway after tt had maths tutorial..which was again fun..n the teacher picked on me..y?..cuz i was smiling..WHOA..my bloody smile..i hate my smile..so big n ugly..anyway yea..after tt had a USELESS econs tutorial cuz the guys were bloody distracting..n the tutor cldnt even control them..she is alrdy so puny wad u expect...anyway yea tt was pretty much useless...then after tt had detention..self study..nives was thr..i bloody forgot to bring my tie..thank God marianne had one..then after tt met vasan sat at bk n toked n toked n toked n toked n toked n toked...then met alyssa went for swat's party..n surprise surprise mark was thr..haha..turns out he was swat's neighbour..haha..yea so was toking to him..n found out council's forms are due on mon..n i was planning to take it on mon..so shoot me..my plans of joining council has been ruined..feel lyk life's a mess...wana cry..cuz of evrything tt has happened since i got into CJ..haven broke down since tt day..i think im taking too much of shit..the council thing has really affected me..i cant believe myself..reachd hme at 11 on fri..

on sat i went back to CJ to collect form..but the CJ admin clerks r FUCKED UP ppl..i fucking swear i hate them k..i DREAD going into the office..well they juz tol me coldly tt i shld haf done tt on a wkday...FUCK U..u made me feel lyk shit the WHOLE DAY..n prolly for the rest of the yr..assholes..n then followed vasan to PSA vista..we got lost..ash saw me on the way..miss her so much..after tt went to tecah zana..n wen i was going to zana hse i saw a guy wid rebonded hair n burst out laughing n earned myself sme weird stares..yea taught rasheed crapped wid zana..came hme..n yea gona watch tamil movie now..after tt gona study bloody econs..

bye all..

i //young of the butterfly// you 9:45 PM

Thursday, April 14, 2005

today is the tamil new year...hais..came hm expecting mum to be hme wid the payasam n kesari..UNFORTUNATELY i din get to pig out on those sweets....cuz my mum was at wrk..sucky sucky..met chris after sch to collect econs notes..n saw aislinn..omg she was SOOOOO freaking tall..way way taller than me la..n shalin also seemed tall..mans..im sucha shortie..n hamren was thr too..n i felt so damn uncomfy cuz i had to lyk walk behind him all the way n then we took the same bus n he was standing beside me also..i felt damn uncomfortable..

anyways had mass pe today..i felt gd during the run..completed 5rounds in 11mins..but ttz not gd enuff..i hafta complete 7 rounds for 2.4...in lyk 13 mins..n im aiming for silver for PFT..i fcking need to get tt cuz of my bloody teacher..n tt PE teacher miss smith is sooooo pretty...n so is the othr teacher...im lking forward to thursdays cuz i haf PE wid nives n a one hr brk too...IM SOOOO HAPPY i finally get to spend time wid her...spent lyk ten mins or so wid jo n pinks in the morn..really made my day..

had tamil...tamil class is gd..cuz he is a gd tamil teacher unlyk BITCH mohan..hated her the first time i saw her itself..so tiny n so irritating n too strict..ughs..u suck...well yea tamil is gd...then had make up lesson after sch for maths...totally mentally n physically exhausted..really cldnt understand or do anything..but finally did la..then after tt went hme..tmw going to swat's party..in my uni..ughs..smemore got detention b4 tt..sucks man..im gona go thr SMELLY!!!...SMELLY ME!!!

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:00 PM

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

13th apr

it's mum's bday today..din wish her..i never do..

am aching frm PE..gona haf PE again tmw..went hme wid fran today..was ok la..forced her to tell me the WHOLE story abt them..hahaha...gona wish them tmw n see wad they do...HAHAHAHA...its hilarious..but anyway..yeas..still gona wish them..tis morn was quite fun la...they were ALL making fun of me saying i had a crush on BITCH!!!!!....omg..so not true..i fcking hate her to the core la..n then sara was rubbing it in...i was damn whiny tis morn..haha..cuz of them..and i went HIGH wen i saw the pink cows....PINK COWS!!!!!WHICH PRODUCE STRAWBERRY MILK!!!...haha....so fun so fun...haha...its damn crappy la..but yea..nowadays the morns r not so bad anymore..

well had a sucky day at sch today..i duno..suddenly after brk i felt lyk COMPLETE shit..wad sadia said really affected me..i felt really hurt..she gave me the impression tt i shld stop being wid her class n instead spend time wid my class..i haf been trying n its not working..besides i only wana spend time wid jo n pinks..isit too much to ask??..esp wen ive got only 2brks wid them a wk...i feel myself losing contact wid evrybody n it hurts me..its killing me bit by bit..cuz its a feeling of loneliness..n wad i hate is the fact tt thr is so many ppl ard me..but im still feeling tis way..she doesnt know how it feels..n i kno she is pretty insensitive but i cant help but smehow let tis comment affect me..ive thot abt nothing but tt the whole day..maybe im being too dependent??..clingy??..i juz feel lyk crying cuz the comment keeps ringing in my head..

came home n toked to vasan..haha..miss her..oh fuck..i juz remember i got fcking detention on fri..shit..cant go for movie..damn..now i dun even kno whether i can go for swat's party..CRAP..i wana go..so long never see swat..oh dear..must tell vasan..

12th apr

tues nothing much happened..felt pretty left out in class again..n had PE..was ok la..im gona put in more effort n start exercising being the fat me...peeg...then after PE smelly me went for tuition..mr muthu wasnt his usual self..smth's definitely wrong..very wrong..i felt so bad yest..he was juz not his self..n i cldnt be myself also..was vry shitty..but after tt went hme wid jan..so long never see her..miss her also..i miss tokng a lot of rubbish wid her..really do..shanto also came for tuition..n we were making fun of jan AS USUAL..haha..our new favourite line 'only catholic sch students can do this'..haha..sorry jan but we still love u kaes...n shanto wants anthr reunion..me too...i want i want..but we cant haf it in his hse tis time..dun think he'll be too happy..smth is very wrong..i can juz feel it..its a shitty feeling..

i //young of the butterfly// you 6:25 PM

Monday, April 11, 2005

today i heard tt class had anthr outing which i knew nothing abt....but bose said it seems the prev time they went to NYDC..so mayb its a gd thing they din call us tis time again..duno wad to say la..sadia said things seem to be looking up cuz i spent lunch wid laureen n melvyn n bryan..well i dun really mind bryan n laureen but melvyn???...erm...no comments..anyway he n sadia seem to get along better wid their pervertic mind..my god...terrible ppl...

ICS was quite ok today..so fashion show is confirmed..will be in a sari.i think..duno who im walking out wid wadsoever..but anthr prob came up..we MAY not do the show tis yr..but the j2s r really going out of their way to make it happen..some complication wid the dates came up..duno la..they wana hold it on a fri..but honestly i dun think fri's gona work..n the j2s r quite an ok bunch of ppl i guess..n the j1s arent so bad also...ok la..tis wk's meeting wasnt too bad..well he was thr as usual..n he still freaks me out bad..i duno y..

today started off on a bad note..i think the whole wk's gona be real bad..bro paul caught me for skirt..blasted all the girls who got caught..gotta report to sch on sat at 9..for fcking detention..im not gona say anything more cuz i kno how UNFAIR things r..so many othr girls out thr who dun wear their uni properly but dun get caught..n mine which is decent enuff got caught..aiya fuck it la..dun bother alrdy..fck the damn sch..

got a whole load of econs n maths hw to do..wondering whether i shld ATTEMPT to stay up till lyk 2 or 3 am completing it...esp econs..i can juz sit n cry..fck it..n chris is out of spore..she wun be back till wed/thurs..im gona misssssssss her...

sadia saw jefffffffreeeeeyyyyyy....Mr.Jeffrey u shld haf come to CJ since ur a catholic..stupid fellow..then we'll prolly be at least in the same lectures...i miss jeffrey..haha..so long never see him..must ask him come for the ruthra show IF its gona even be held..wana see him..JEFFRO!!..hehe..n i found ash's best fren in pri sch...anna asha..haha..she is in my tamil class..damn nice...vry sweet also..well she toks to me..n my tamil class..damn boring la..i haven had a chance to lyk express my craziness at all..i feel so suppressed...is tt the word??...repressed??....oppressed??....sme pressed la ok.....

my timetable now sux..i basically dun haf ANY brks wid t8 othr than on fri..a pathetic half hr brk..its damn crap la..i think by the time i leave CJ i wun haf anymore frens left..othr than mayb sadia..im pathetic la..God's singling me out for death...OMG...i dun wana die..

I NEED TO VISIT MR MUTHU.........................................................................

i //young of the butterfly// you 8:03 PM

Sunday, April 10, 2005

yest was suta's bday..poor girl..we din even go to her hse or anything..hope she had a great bday..anyways went to sathesh hse..saw my uncle..had a pretty good time yest..but earlier on in the day i fought wid my bro..it was bad la..damn bad..i scratched him damn hard n all..so poor thing..i felt damn rotten after tt..wen i saw the scratch marks on him arms i felt lyk shit..i still feel rotten cuz the marks r thr..n since he doesnt wear shirt in the hse the marks r vry visible..feel damn bad..hais..im a shit la..

i really gotta keep my temper in check n i hafta stop being so judgemental..these r two worst traits in me i think..its bad..really..even i dun lyk it..but its really difficult to get rid of..difficult..not ez at all..my temper's the worst..cuz i juz go mad wen im angry..basically go mad wen im angry..vry angry..the kind of angry whr i hafta whack/punch/scratch smth..i real gotta do smth abt it..n also im too judgemental..i kno tt for sure..i judge ppl vry quickly..n i dun give them a chance at all..thr r a lot of ppl who r actually n i hate them y?..i dun even haf a proper reason to back myself up..i gootta change my ways..it pissing me n othrs off as well im sure..

been thinking abt my class..got tis while i was blog surfing..i happened to read it n was juz thinking abt my class..

1. Group DevelopmentEvery group will take time to bond, and be enthusiastic. The group will have to go through a number of stages.

SHY-->BUILDUP-->HONEYMOON-->CONFLICT-->CONCLUSION-->PROPER GROUP

Such a process will take over a year to cultivate. How can you expect a proper group to be formed in less than 3 days? A hyper screaming shouting group might seem like a proper group, but is it really? When it comes to the crunch, the difficult part of planning and executing tasks, will they be able to gel together? Having fun and laughing together does not make a proper group.

also been thinkin abt the student council lately..well i've been reading their blogs..a lot of stuff..i really duno..now im honestly confused..if im gona fail my promos bro paul is gona kick me out of the council..for sure..n lyk i said i haf a rotten feeling im gona fail it..so i duno wad to do..im really vry confused..if i do go for the meetings rite, at the end of the yr during the elections, i dun wana be rejected..really..i dun wana be a reject..im having a lot of conflicting ideas rite now..really..

i //young of the butterfly// you 9:35 PM

i will blog more tmw but for now tis entry is dedicated to yipin

hey girl i juz wana let u kno k..i hate my class too..its pretty normal to feel tt way..n oh i hate my lit teachers too..they both suck..its pretty normal to feel tis way since we r all thrown into a new environment..but girl give it time k..n we will be meeting up soon at the show thingie so we can all bitch abt our new schs then..n i can help u in maths if u really need help or anything..i can try my best to meet up n teach if u do need any help k..juz ask..i will always be here for my IJ frens at least..love u babe..muaks..

i //young of the butterfly// you 12:03 AM

Friday, April 08, 2005

i thot cld nicely slack in monan's hse today..but i cldnt..bros forgot to bring keys..n i had to rush hm..then i came hme was so bored fell aslp wen i was actually supposed to go play pool wid them..I WANA GO I WANA GO!!!hmph..dun care they better bring me nxt wk..cuz i wana learn to play pool..then wen i was in monan's hse he was showing me videos of death la..damn fucking disgusting...its damn rubbish..they juz blow up their own brains basically..gross..then also watched this dave chapel[ however u spell tt guy's name]videos..quite funny also..one a stand up comedy..anthr one on r kelly's vid...i duno wad song it is but he changed the lyrics to 'i wana piss/pee on u'...so crap la..tt was damn freaking funny..haha...then lyk thr was a line 'i wana make ur face a toiletbowl seat'..haha..freaking funny..

anyways yea..im trying my best to change my point of view of the class..after all i hafta be wid them for 2yrs..anyways vasan was telling me yest tt ananthi was also the only indian girl in her class n it took a yr for her to get close to her classmates n all la.im hoping tt its the same in my case..its really not ez i guess..juz thrown into a totally new environment whr EVERYBODY's personality clashes..even miss chok agrees wid me..our class has totally clashing personalities..i duno wad to say la..i juz hope tt at least nxt yr i will be closer to my class..really..i wana be my crazy mad self..

i think the whole ruthra thing is comfirmed..im forcing evrybody to come..haha..even my chinese frens..as long as im in it u HAFTA come..haha..n the tuition gang is gona be coming too..hehe..i still duno wad im doing..i kno im confirm in the fashion show..but i duno abt the dance..i cant dance their dance..i really wana dance wid zana..hais hais..

anyway elsa came in for lit tutorial yest..OMG..i was sooooooooooooo freaking happy wen bose tol me she is coming..haha even bryan noticed la..i think for a moment thr my face must haf lighted up or smth..n i for a moment stupidly thot tt she was transferring to my class..haha..but no..n then my face fell..n bryan noticed tt again..hmm maybe im making my dislike for the classa bit too obvious...anyways..she juz came for the tut..i miss her..then we were gossiping abt natasha after tt..biatch..haha..was fun was fun..i miss 4/7...i miss 4/7..i miss 4/7..hmph..but it was gd having smeone i knew in my class today..haha..

n this morn went to sch wid fran tallie sadia n shanto..haha..shanto was STUDYING for his test..STUDYING..anyways n then fran tol me thrs this guy in her class called 'arson'..yes u heard right..'arson'..its sucha funny name..i burst out laughing n cldnt stop..cuz it was freaking funny..really..i really never heard such weird names before..mayb tt orry or smth..clare's fren's fren..but arson..nothing beats arson man..HAHAHAHAHAHA..its hilarious...

i think im gona join student council for good..im gona go to sme councillor n tell them i wana join.n if they reject me i will kill them..n i hope i get into the council..against priscilla..haha..no la..i hafta work wid her eventually wad..bloody crap..anyways tis morn sadia tol me she spoke to priscilla n priscilla was telling her how shanto was soooo cute..OMG..shanto's a small boy la..leave him alone..esp wen he is my fren!!..dog..i think im really full of shit la..im always wanting to use my shoe to whack ppl..arghs..whatever..priscilla leave tt boy alone k..

had a 2 lectures wid nicholas today n had one wid nives..n we were thinking abt mag low n her 'highlighter:5 colours' and 'spontaneity'...HAHA..damn fun la..then rach koh oso was sitting in front of us..then she imitates mag low damn well la..haha..nives cldnt stop laughing..i miss mag low..i heard tt tis wed was shanthi's bday..well no comments..

my bro tol me juz now tt my mum's gona give my dog away..i'll juz die cuz the dog is the only thing i love in this hse..i will seriously kill my mum..she CANT,i repeat CANT take my baby away frm me!!!i wun allow her to do tt..i freaking wun.

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:03 PM

Thursday, April 07, 2005

mans i had pe today..finally..the torture in CJ..well its actually only lyk half or mayb quarter of the torture..n i swear i almost got an asthma attack running cuz my stamina is lyk incredibly low...i cldnt breather properly AT ALL..omg..but i still completed it..haha..tis time was 8 mins..nxt will be 6..gona die..n my teacher set my PFT goal as silver..fuck man..i din even do it last yr k..stupid man..gona die la..n my thighs n calves r lyk hurting so much..ughs..

anyways had a pretty much ok day today..sadly i din spend my brks wid my babies..hais damn shit la..after pe i was really tired so i stayed in class n slacked then went down for recess wid class..dun even kno y i did tt..finally toked to pearl today..haha..she is quite nice..then the second brk oso was wid class..mainly going to nancy's to collect the notes..

my class..hais..duno wad to say..im smetimes happy wid them..smetimes so upset..i practically come to sch pulling a bloody long face..so sickening..n then now im lyk the GP rep..hello...i din even wana be anything la..i hate being a rep man..collect notes for the whole bloody class..n its surprising how she toked to me on the first day n then we din tok for lyk the whole wk n suddenly she tells me to untie my hair..wad the shit..damn pissifying la..i really dun understand myself la..i juz cant wait for fri to come..i wana slack..then on sat go for tuition..n then the whole wk after sch again..god..save me..lets see vanessa is our new class welfare 'officer'..smth along tt line..along wid bose..i think bose is ok la..vanessa..i think she is crap really..she is too over enthu n she behaves lyk a slut..n she thinks she is damn cool la..i think i was happy today cuz she wasnt thr..evrytime she is in her PE attire i notice she loves to stand wid her hand on her stomach n shirt lifted up..hey wads wrong wid u ah???i hate it mans..it sux..melvyn's leaving..laureen's new HTC..elected class com today basically..was fun but i din wana be rep la..it sux..

today's bus journey wid fran n tallie wasnt so awkward..was quite fun la..at least this time i was toking to them..so it wasnt so bad..haha..then was toking abt the PTM n all tt shit..haha..fun fun..

tmw's fri..i CANT wait..i juz wana slack tmw..wana go out la..mayb shld ask vasan n zana.. (: (:..im on the fone wid vasan rite now..n i juz LOVE toking to her..haha..but i must put down soon..cuz i got LOTSA work..tamil n lit n maths..omg..the maths is getting to me..

i //young of the butterfly// you 7:07 PM

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

had a not too gd day at sch..wen pinks toked to me i almost cried..i juz hate it la..i cldnt cuz i din wana make a fool out of myself..i broke down once in CJ n ttz enuff..really enuff..i dun wana repeat it anymore..but i cldnt take it juz now man..i really cldnt..i kno how its lyk to feel lonely n stuff..wen i went to JJ for lyk 6hrs or so i cldnt take it..i juz quit u kno..juz quit..in one day..i din even giv myself a wk..but wen i got into CJ for my JAE..i was so happy..but i din kno i wld be in such a class..im juz gona really stone..stone totally..n ignore evrybody..i think ttz wad i gotta do for my two yrs here in CJ..ttz the only thing i think i can do..to help myself..i wana haf all my brks wid t8..so tt i can juz be wid jo n pinks n sadia..

n my eating habits..i swear smth's gona happen to me..my body juz doesnt wana accept any food..n i gotta eat really light..its lyk i practically dun eat anymore..i kno its bad but im really not doing anything to lyk change it or anything..even wen i eat a little i feel so full..i juz drank a cup of coffee n i feel lyk my stomach's gona burst..ughs..

monan's in spore..i think i mentioned..im gona meet him tmw..damn happy..juz cant wait..i really wanted to meet him earlier but he din call..he finally called today so hopefully he will be free tmw or the day after..mayb i'll go to his hse on fri n slack..juz wana relax..went for a movie wid priya today..but i was feeling so guilty the whole time cuz i cld haf gone hme n studied..n i wasted 10bucks on a blooody flop tamil movie..the othr movies were showing too late la..anyways yea now tt im back..gona stay up till 11 doing maths again..i duno wen im gona STUDY for econs n lit man..really duno..

i wanted to go back for ICS today but unfortunately it was cancelled..n moreover i wanted to see mrs alex..hais..i miss her n miss chow n MAG LOW..believe it or not..haha..mag low's zee best..really miss her man..must go n crap wid mrs alex also..

went to sch wid fran n tallie today..felt freaking weird i juz pretended to slp in the bus..i want shanto n sadia to come wid us..i miss them..hmph..well its only one day..haha..but still..so awkward wid juz the 3 of us..hmmmmm...

i think my mum is in a gd mood tis wk..smehow she hasnt bugged me much..she juz keeps telling me to do my wrk..n ive been a VERY gd girl k..haha..n she agreed to go lingerie shopping wid me..OMG!!!...i cant wait..i cant wait..hehe..n she wants to buy me sme energy drink cuz she doesnt want me to fail my promos..juz now i kinda tol her i dun wana go india..they shld juz go if they want..then i tol her my actual reason..my fear of failing my promos..then she was a bit shocked la..but she din say anything..hais..im really gona pass up this chance to visit/tour/whatever sucha beautiful country..n im not gona see my grandma for mayb a few more yrs..hais..i was juz thinking abt her the othr day..sux la..i dun even haf any fotos..:( :(..

i love maths..i do i do i do... (: (: (: (: ...HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

i //young of the butterfly// you 7:45 PM

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

my bro..sucha piece of shit..took away the hp yest so secretively w/o telling me anything..thank God i noticed tt the hp wasnt on my bed so i went to confront him..n he was lyk 'i need it tmw'..fuck u asshole..i need it too ok..n if u wanted it u cld haf had the decency to ask me permission first rite.fuck..i made a hell lot of noise n then finally i juz snatched it away n put it in my pillowcase..so he wldnt take it..juz pissed me off lyk shit wen i was in a gd mood..fuck it man..

yest my mum was in one of her rare good moods..i kno y..cuz she has to pretend she's a good mother in front of all my frens n stuff..ughs..wadever man..n she wasnt happy abt coming cuz she din want to at all..luckily jo n sadia were wid me or i think i wld haf been damn put off..

anyways the ruthra thing IS on i think..i duno..but im in the fashion show n dancing..i duno..tis yr i feel thrs totally no kick in doing it at all..i mean lyk the ICS gang i dun even kno anybody..nives isnt in ICS..fran tt one dun need to say..then im lyk alone la..at least if durga was thr it wldnt be so bad..n now the ICS girls...grrrrr...man they SUCK!..only raenu n sangeetha r lyk the two nice ppl..anyways i gave raenu a name 'MY CHINESE LEARNING FREN'..she was really tt wen i was in pri 1 or 2..n i still remember her..but she din recognise me tho i did..but after i introduced myself n stuff she knew..mayb i shldnt haf said anything n let her kno only at the end of 2 yrs..haha..i wana be in tamil wid nives n fran..it sux la..y do we hafta be separated??..n im stuck wid vincent..UGHS..another annoying shit..the politics in ICS seriously sux k..it juz does..

i realise im alone in many things..my class,my tamil class,my CCA..i duno wad to do..isit a sign frm God?..maybe He's singling[is thr sucha word] me out for death..i suddenly feel so alone again..aiya i really duno wad to do anymore..wana take my life..ash was so sweet..she wrote me a card saying sme stuff la..not a big card or anything juz small..but i lyk carry it ard wid me evrywhr i go..cuz its juz so touching..i read it lyk evry morn n evry night..i juz miss evrybody..even tho evrybody is thr..i duno y but i juz miss jo so bad..i also miss mel so terribly..i miss pinks,clare,fran..evrybody..i duno y..n take note these ppl r in the same sch as me..u see..its been 4days since i saw clare[counting the wkend]..i rarely see fran n nives in sch..it sux k..it juz does..n lene..im still waiting for her letta cuz right now ttz the only thing tt can n will cheer me up..i juz wana go out n chill n relax..but i cant..im not letting myself do tt even..i practically flew hme today after sch ended at 12.30..did all my hsehold chores..n studied lyk mad..did maths for three hrs..read lect notes..read BraveNewWorld,revised my tuition maths,studied a bit of econs...wtf la?...im going mad..but mr muthu begs to differ..he says im maturing n thrfore self discipline n the want to study comes alongs wid it..shit shit shit..im turning into a sad case..n he says its ok..i wana cry..im in sucha terrible state now..i duno wad im doing..i can feel myself putting up barriers ard me so no one will ever kno the real me..i mean the whole studying thing..i really wana do well for my promos..lyk wad bro paul said i cant POSSIBLY consolidate 2yrs of wrk into the 3wks b4 As lyk wad i cld do for Os..hence the jump in my prelims results n Os..but its not lyk tt for As..its gotta be consistent..i wana get an A for maths n econs for my promos..lit im letting myself off the hook..cuz right now im not feeling too confident abt lit anymore..i need the teachers to give me more work again..wid mag low ard i felt confident but now no more..hais..evrything is juz wrong..wrong..really wrong..im really messed up..

went to t8 this morn..its a vry diff environment frm my class la..i was thinking if i was the first intake in CJ i wldnt haf been in t9 at all..but u kno wad??juz thinking abt it makes me feel WORSE..i shld get tt thot out of my head..had brk wid jo pinks n sadia..even then i cldnt feel happy..cuz i knew after tt id be alone again after tt..my class is really vry separated la..even the new girl,michelle, i think..said she felt vry left out..n can see tt no one is really making the effort to tok to her also..ttz how my class is..mr muthu n my mum were telling me not to giv a damn abt the class..juz stick wid them do whatever they do all tt shit..but make sure i study SO DAMN hard tt wen it comes to class tests n exams i'll beat them flat..ttz wen they will at least gimme sme respect..i dun even want tt...i dun want anything except my frens..i juz cant socialise wid them cuz its so difficult..really..im avoiding all class gatherings..cuz i dun wana go for the class gatherings n feel even more left out...hais..i duno..im juz really messed up rite now..really messed up..

i juz wish thr'd be smeone to help me take away all this pain or at least go thru this wid me.. juz smeone..

CHITZ
I LOVE IT WEN PPL CALL ME BABY..MY FREN STARTED THIS WHOLE BABY THING..ANYWAYS..THANK U SO MUCH FOR UR WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT K..IT MEANS A LOT TO ME..I DUNO HOW LONG MORE I CAN TAKE ALL THIS REALLY I DUNO..BUT THANKS K..I REALLY DUNO WEN WE R FINALLY GONA GO OUT..BUT IF WE REALLY CANT THEN WE'LL MEET AT RUTHRA K..WE'LL TRY TO CATCH UP AS MUCH AS WE CAN AFTER TT..LOVE U LOTS BABE..MUAKS*

i //young of the butterfly// you 9:30 PM

Saturday, April 02, 2005

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!...IJ's ICS won challenge trophy for TKGS competition..im SOOOOOOOOOOOO freaking happy..they shld go for more comps n win challenge trophies la..then mayb bloody TJL wun close down ICS or at least will allow the sec ones to join..OMG!!...IM HAPPY...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i //young of the butterfly// you 3:00 PM

im a bit paranoid..ok maybe tooo paranoid..i haven had a gd strt to the yr at all..n within those 3mths tt i din go JC a lot of crap happened..a lot of shit..one after the othr..it was all too much for me to take..it led to a lot of things la..juz a lot..n it was bad..vyr vry bad..n after i was put in tt class i tol myself not to expect a gd yr AT ALL..not AT ALL..n my biggest fear is failing my promos..i juz dun wana repeat my J1..mr muthu still tells me 'if u want it sooooo bad u can get it'..n i kno its true..but w/o him thr to push n push me it seems almost impossible..he tol me to do SUPER well for my first test so as to prove to the class im not sucha shit..maths not much of a worry..econs also not much of a worry..but lit n GP r my MAJOR MAJOR worries..cuz i dun think my language is upto a JC standard..i think its still stuck in sec2 or smth..i need mel's help..badly..evry sat or smth go her hse n really take lessons frm her..i need it..

its lyk my mum keeps asking me whether i wana go india at the end of the yr..honestly i duno..i mean if i fail my promos i dun think id wana go india n if i pass id rather juz sit hme n study for the nxt yr..seriously..cuz im taking As VERY seriously..but also i wana see my grandma so badly..n she said she has decided to stay thr forever la..n if i do pass my promos n i actually wana go thr for awhile,i cant tell my mum AFTER the promos..it'd be too late to bk a ticket..i duno man..im confused..

yest i had LOADS n LOADS of fun..seriously..LOADS..haha..tuition gathering..me jay ash jan sadia shanto n fariha..pity jeffrey cldnt come la..so long oso never see him..we all wanted to see him in his bus conductor uni..haha..n shanto was damn nice la..cuz he knew tt i wasnt really getting along wid my class n he tol me manjen jokes to make me happier..haha..oh oh oh n shanto said i lost weight..hehe..im happy im happy..actually quite a lot of ppl said i lost weight..but i dun believe it cuz i think my clohes r juz vry baggy now..back to him cracking jokes..its damn crappy la..i think ah mayb SJI is quite racist also la n he knows how it feels..n he knows lyk ALOT of racist jokes..damn mean la..im not racist k..i giv respect to those who also giv respect to me..they dun i oso dun..simple as tt..haha..but they made me happier..haha..n mayb i haven forgotten how to crap/smile anymore..it was damn fun..n shanto is also quite dirty minded..so he was telling a few sick jokes too.. mr muthu juz sat thr in silence n laughed la..i mean he cant do much to a rowdy gamg of lyk 7..haha..n im so happy i got to see ash..really..so long never see her...n her sch uni ROCKS k..its a micro mini skirt..n i want it too.u kno she tol us tt if any students in JJ wears their skirt too long the teachers make them shorten it..u kno how cool is tt?...her skirt is fucking nice..n its straight la not ly k CJ's..CJ's skirt SUX..i tried it yest..mans...i lyk the top cuz its SUPER baggy..but the SKIRT SUX!..its lyk comes out..n mr muthu said its ugly cuz of tt fold thingie in the middle..HMPH..i dun lyk the uni..haha..n i was telling evrybody how insecure i feel if i dun manage to see my knees..haha..shit me man..haha..but yeas..yest was terribly fun..mayb in dec or smth..wen EVERYBODY's exams are/is over, we will juz go out to sme park or smth..n sit thr n CRAP majorly..i wld love to do tt..haha..juz all of us..n shanto can make as much noise as he wants..hahaha..n nowadays sadia n shanto take the same bus as us..its damn fun la..haha..in tt way i will be able to see shanto..last time wen i used to go for tuition he always wun come la..then so long never see him until tt day in the bus..haha..was quite happy..n me n sadia keep making fun of fran n tallie..HAHAHAHA..major fun..shit..i think ive been having too much fun..hehe..nvm nvm..never hurts to haf fun..

OMG..my ears are SPOILT again..shit shit shit..arghs.. i hate it wen tt happens..

ive got lotsa hmewrk to complete this wkend..GP,lit, n my rev for maths..hais..wonder wen they r gona do the wrk in the first three mths..n anyways we had this mass thingie in CJ yest for welcoming us into the family..haha..i miss mass...loads..but they din haf the peace thingie..haha i remember how in IJ evrybody wld go ard hugging evrybody..i miss tt..n they din do it yest..im gona make sure nxt time during mass me jo n pinks sit together..JO PINKS MUST SIT TOGETHER K!!!!..:):)..or not i will be so lonely..:(:(..hehe..no la..i hope my class becomes better..

i //young of the butterfly// you 12:33 PM

Friday, April 01, 2005

omg i got my period..haha..i shldnt be pulicising it but now i juz feel lyk if i wana cry i juz cant..haha....cuz my eyes r terrible dried up tt they're so sensitive n itchy..im feeling slightly happier now..but not tt happy..

im gona be wearing the CJ uni tmw..today was the last day of wearing my BELOVED IJ uni..i LOVE IJ..haha..duno how im gona look lyk la..i hope the skirt will be ok..i dun wana be wearing a SUPER long skirt la..but i got it altered..hehe..so hopefully it will look nice..

anyways tt touching guy ended up in my class..haha..wen i saw him in my class i was lyk 'omg..haha'..then wen i went to sit wid him we both look at each othr n burst out laughing again..haha..but i lyk his name..but it's damn awkward to call him tt la..tho its an indian name..but he is not indian..im rambling..haha..im feeling happier..but he has been lyk helping me thru all this class shit la..he oso doesnt lyk the class..hais..i mean how long can we remain lyk tt??i hope n pray i will open up soon enuff..

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:41 AM