Monday, November 28, 2005
my mind isnt exactly in the right place rite now..cuz
1. i juz slapped my bro so hard for pissing me off at 2am.n yea the time now is 2am..
2. my relatives r still in india in a flooded place..n im NUMBER ONE worry wart...so im here since sat worrying abt them non stop..watching sun tv news n making myself even more worried.
3. im so not musically inclined i think...n maybe i juz cant sing..
todays msg was kinda good for me..in the sense tt it enlightened me a bit...its all in my diary..i believed wad the pastor said but i juz hope tt God lets it happen to me...ive always said this..i believe tt God can do evrything but He will never do anything to me...right now all i want most is to pass the supp paper n be promoted..thr r quite a few plans for nxt yr alrdy..CNY dance..Ruthra...which i might be a big part of [scary]...i mean we've got stuff decided..n i seem to play a major part in evrything...i feel lyk i dun wana be out of it...hais..i juz duno..im juz gona believe tt God will help me clear this...n He will pull me thru..n i loved today's worship songs...esp the 2nd one.. (:
n Priya's prom..it sucked tt i cldnt be thr..but its juz tt my mum always picks the wrong days to take leave..n she happened to take leave on tt day..n wanted to bring us out n stuff..so yea..i cldnt make it...n then i rem toking to Priya's mum abt my prom..u kno i wld say tt it was one of the few worst days of my life..the before part whr evryone was thr [chris zana vasan jan monan] was extremley fun...but after tt at the hotel i juz hated it..i felt lyk i was horribly dressed..i felt lyk i was wearing the wrong shoes..i felt lyk i had too much make up on..i felt lyk i was wearing the worst colour ever..i felt so....ugly??...i duno...it juz felt bad...n i knew how my mum kept saying tt i wldnt look nice on tt day...she refused to pay for anything or whatsoever..n its all thanks to chris tt i even decided to go in the end..n the worst part was tt my mum din even allow me to stayover..i was so pissed wid her..i had to pay my cab fare myself cuz she refused to put in a single cent...i will never forget this..well anyway im glad Priya had great fun...after all i still think its an impt occassion in any girl's life..n mine sucked..
carolling...im so not cut out for singing..im really scared abt this..i mean wid chris's choir i wasnt scared to do a voice check..but tt was erm..last yr or was it in sec 3?..oh wait in sec3...then i cld sing...now???...i duno...n its all in tamil..it scares me..i smehow think im gona screw up evrything...i dun wana be the only one who sings wrongly n screw things up..the whole listening to the intro..starting off at the right pitch...God im never ever gona get it..drama is fine..drama is me la..i can act if u want me to..i juz hope things go fine n i dun screw anything up...i tend to do tt a lot..but to be vry honest im excited abt the drama..juz scared for the recording thing...yea n had a drama prac without priya thr...actually on the whole it was ok...felt a bit out of place but othr than tt evrything was ok....
nxt wk a lot of ppl r disappearing...priya will be gone..jay is alrdy gone enjoying herself...my relatives r all stuck thr...i wish they wld juz come back..but i dun think they will until they've done whatever they wana do..which sux...cuz it makes me worried scared n super over paranoid..hais..duno la..im so gona sms sathesh tmw..dun care wad my mum says..n check if evrythings ok..
n im worried abt a lot of ppl...jay mel esp..mel im so sorry i haven got the time to call u..wen im hm i got so much of hsewrk to do..n besides ur in sch dun wana disturb u n stuff..n i was at church quite a few times last wk..came back a bit late din wana call n bug u...n jay im scared to tok to u..pls bring urself back wid LOTS more confidence pls...
i //young of the butterfly// you 2:10 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
im now a proud owner of 5 piercings..haha...im so fricking glad i got it done finally..hehe...HAPPINESS...n bloody paper's over..thank God...n now i shall juz trust God to give me a pass n let me be promoted..now for the shoutouts..
MELO : mel im ok..paper was ok...juz wana pass n be promoted..will call u soon k..n meet u..lets go SHOPPING!!..EDREA : hey girl..paper was ok..i was thinking if u need to take a supp paper as well..we go out soon oso kaes..n thanks for ur encouragement babe..PRIYA : christmas..im still deciding kaes...im so sorry..btw hope u enjoy urself at prom..haha..LOVE!!..i shall be coming over to help u..CHARLENE : thank u so much for ur encouragement k...it was really nice seeing ur tag..all the best for ur As..im sure u will be able to get ur desired grades as well...i recieved a msg frm sathesh on mon..n i stupidly cried wen i saw tt msg....but was really happy to see it..haha...23rd...another wad 15 more days i think for them to come back...actually they din go for 16 days..i think they went for 3wks...tt sux even more.. ):
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:21 PM
Sunday, November 20, 2005
i feel so stupid crying for no reason..i was up till 4 am crying last night...n therefore overslept..but thank God i still made it on time..at least before the message..i feel extremely stupid...juz the mention of my relatives make me wana tear...n i wana shoot myself for tt..cuz they r gona be back soon...how stupid am i?...
am also super freaked out n worried abt the econs paper..i duno wad im gona do if i dun clear this..i dun even kno how im gona manage this paper..if anybody has hints can u pls tell me?...
im juz hoping tt wid the practices for the drama and carolling, it will take my mind of my results and my relatives for smetime..i really need a distraction...till dec 8th...im counting down..my calendar's got lil red boxes...counting down till my relatives come back...
i //young of the butterfly// you 5:31 PM
Saturday, November 19, 2005
ok im back...n im upset..
the only thing i hate rite now is my mother...juz needed to blame smeone for all this sadness n she conveniently comes into the picture..im so sorry..but evrything sux rite now..
lor left last night..for good...which is really sad cuz she was n ttz not even confirmed...so we duno wen she'll be back....ttz fricking sad la...n i hate evrything...even if i do get promoted im still gona be left alone...n thank u to all my classmates who pretended tt i din exist at the airport yest...i was conveniently ignored...so im back to square one..HATING ALL OF U AGAIN!!!..
n then my relatives had to leave today...n im so fricking upset...they may not be leaving for good...but heck they r leaving for a good 16 days...i cant live without them im sorry..evry holiday we go evrywhr together...we're ALWAYS together...n now juz cuz of a STUPID DUMBASS CRAP OF A MONK my mum decided not to go..THANKS A LOT MUM AND TO U BLOODY MONK SHIT...i hate evrything..n wad scares me the most suse auntie actually wrote a bloody will...cuz she herself not sure if they r gona come back safely..ttz an even scarier thought...i hate this..i hate evrything...y do they hafta go..im gona miss them so bad..sathesh coming here to play playstation even tho he has his own..logita coming here juz cuz she is bored..im gona miss suse auntie's calls...for 16 days..im gona miss them...i hate evrything rite now..UGH!!!!!!......im counting down the days till they r gona be back..n GOD im begging u PLEASE bring them all back safely..
i //young of the butterfly// you 7:00 PM
Monday, November 14, 2005
k now i kno y i was so depressed yest..
had quite sme fun yest at the deepavali show...suse auntie wanted me to follow her..but i can tell u it was great...msian DJs frm THR Raaga came to host it...n they were so damn good..i really admire them for being so entertaining n hilarious...they did tis thingie on chandramukhi n anniyan..it was good..and all 3 of them cld do the 3 roles of vikram in anniyan..n the dj who acted as REMO looked like REMO in anniyan...well on the whole it was SUPERB..the best one ive ever been to...but on the othr hand i did miss my hindi movie which im fricking sad abt..but ive vowed to get the VCD..i dun care..i so love the movie so im gona get it...
well anwyays cousins are gona be leaving soon..for india...well tt really depresses me...my hols r usually spent wid them n tis time they r gona go...they'll be back by dec 10 but smehow it juz makes me sad..i rem how initially we were all supposed to go but now...well fuck evrything la..im really in a sad mood rite now..
2nd of all the econs paper is really bringing me down...i duno wad to do..im desperate enuff to cheat n yet not cheat...not making sense am i??...but im fricking scared n frightened...im juz so scared of failing the paper....n rite now thrs a lot of things tt i cld say..n it wld hurt a lot of my classmates..but i seriously really think tt sme of them juz dun deserve to be promoted...i think i deserve to be promtoed...but even if i bring my case to tt ass of a principal he wld prolly juz tell me to get lost in his most 'nicest' way...life is never fair...never..
n not to mention i haven toked to chris in a long time..well since smetime before deepavali..im upset wid her for getting back wid joshua again...but im not in the position to say anything rite?well even if i am i cant..if she is happy she is..n if not happy then im not..we cant do anything abt tt..i duno..maybe we juz dun haf time now to meet n tok...she hardly comes online anymore..forget it..tis is getting me nowhere..n tis is so dumb.
christmas is another big issue for me..who to spend it wid??..priya or chris...i duno..i dun wana go to chris's church as much as i wana go..im not making sense??..dun even try to understand a girl who is spilling..im so confused...i duno wad to do...well lemme get over tis monthly visitor n then maybe i'll be clearer..
priya's father's msg yest freaked me out bad..n smehow death is stuck in my mind rite now..i duno wad to say really...but tis juz in my mind the stuff i wana say..n i guess since its really private i will juz haf another appointment wid my diary...
i //young of the butterfly// you 2:03 PM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
conversation between Jay n Prav at 4.30pm on the 10th of November 2005
JAY : What is BSB?
PRAV [turns n looks at JAY in shock ]
JAY : OHHH....BACKSTREET BOYS...OH MY JESUS CHRIST!!
now if u dun find this funny u ought to shoot urself....n her cry of OH MY JESUS CHRIST was 50% cuz she din realise tt it was backstreet boys n 50% cuz she thinks its a dumb band...now she OUGHT to shoot herself..
i //young of the butterfly// you 4:34 PM
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
lemme blog abt happy things first..
had deepavali gathering in auntie's hse last sat..as usual had PLENTY of fun..haha..played alipom wid cousins...omg...the crap we did...we made so much of noise at lyk 10pm in the night...screaming n shouting in the void deck..banging the metal casing...well juz had so much of fun..n the food was SO much betta this time...hehe..
k well i think tis was the only good thing..
PW is pissing evrybody off...its stressing evrybody...its making evrybody tensed..its doing BAD things to ppl..so FUCK pw...my god...u kno how bloody difficult it is to work wid a bunch of ppl who r making life difficult for u..bloody hell...its really annoying k...ppl coming late..ppl NOT doing anything n juz copying work frm othrs..GOD...im super pissed rite now...ughs.....
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:18 PM
Thursday, November 03, 2005
k hell its been a long time..im lyk super mood out...cuz of this whole PW shit...u kno all i wana do is juz MUG for my econs but thrs so much to do for BLOODY FUCKING pw...its pissing me off so bad...our grp may be the best whatever but even then we cant decide on a proper day or time or place to meet..we all juz ignore each othrs sms..i mean i kno how much ud hate to sacrifice time for PW...but omg...we juz gotta get tis fuck over n done wid...its lyk dragging me down...my mood...evrything...n u fricking cant blame me if this happens to be a FESTIVE period rite?...i mean DEEPA-RAYA...ive got visiting to do...n i hafta go juz to be courteous n polite n nice...i cant possibly be doing pw 24/7...ive also gotta study for econs..i HAVEN started AT ALL...u kno how fricking shitty tt is...i gotta go memorise my content ALL over again...go mug go study..i SWEAR after fricking PW...or mayb after tis wk..im making my mum put a password for tis com n i AINT gona touch it till i study...im really feeling so stressed..i juz duno y..i HATE presentations...i do...
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:04 PM