im a lil butterfly (:

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. The tagged victims have to come up with eight different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover. (duh.)
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there's no need to do this AGAIN.
5. Lastly, most importantly, HAVE. FUN. DOING. IT .

Gender: male

8 points:
1.must be a Christian wid faith stronger than mine
2.must be able to tahan all my moodswings n bad mood...accept me for wad i am...
3.tall dark n handsome (:
4.smart n patient n gentle n kind n caring n loving n the list goes on n on n on n on.. (:
5.loves me like A LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT LOT..haha
6.treats me lyk a princess..hahaha...
7.must lyk at least sme of the things tt i lyk..EXCLUDING the girls... (:
8.rich...i WANT a rich bf..call me spoilt,dumb or whatever i still want a rich bf.. (:

8 unlucky victims:
MEL // JO // MEE-SHELL // PRIYA // JAY // JAN // RUBY[juz do it for the fun of it k..sorry] // DUNO WHO ELSE...

sun
hais...driving today..i went wid a really heavy heart n in an extremely panicked state...drove REALLY badly today..im quite disgusted n shocked at how i drove today..i KNOW i can drive better n i KNOW i can do it..its juz tt silly fear ttz stopping me frm doing it...honestly i cannot stop it..i duno how im gona overcome the damned fear but i haf to soon enough..or not im never gona make it..

ive been really stressed out these past few days..
-carnival
-mp3 player screwing up
-DRIVING!!!!!
-family
-monan,nives,sara leaving soon....well at least nives n sara will be back in a wk but monan..who knows wen he'll be able to come back...

evrything's lyk going wrong..juz wrong..ive got no time to do anything...feel lyk evrything's a mess..ive been super bitchy n snappy at everyone..im really sorry..

felt really bad for snapping at denesh juz now..i kno she din do anything...but mans i juz snapped at her for no reason...im really so sorry denesh...hais...its really shit...n i snapped at monan oso...thank God these 2 ppl din take it to heart...felt really shitty...

zana came over to help make the henna tubes..gosh wad a tiring process..had to cancel wid jay..it took almost lyk wad 5 hrs...goodness...henna is a messy affair man....

mon
the day of the carnival..well id say tt the day started out right cuz monan came n helped out..so picked him up..n then went to the sch..smehow felt really happy tt he came n helped out...n it was fun too..but he left ard 8+ cuz he had work..so sent him off..n then the carnival STARTED...was kinda nervous abt being in a bad mood n not being able to put the henna properly n handling the p4 kids...but evrything went well...thank goodness the shortage of ppl wasnt really much of a prob...made 11 tubes of henna..n ended up using only 1..seriously tt was so bloody annoying k...n then thr was this girl who was wid the malay grp..she wanted to put henna so badly..but i cldnt put for her cuz evrytime she came to the booth the kids came...n the kids get priority cuz its their carnival..felt quite bad...but generally evrything was good...felt satisfied...really satisfied..

well after tt was even more fun..me udaya hafiz n thad went out...juz walk around...n udaya was really thirsty so we went to swensens...drank water...n then had a TOPLESS 5 haha..the name hafiz gave was seriously funny.........nvm...k i chose the raisin for the alcohol flavour..felt lyk i needed it..n i totally forgot abt hafiz..felt kinda bad but yea...then udaya had tasty water cuz thad decided to put salt n pepper in her water...ok we juz did a whole load of crap..but it was fun..then went home after tt..

saw my darling chris at cwp..felt so bad tt i cldnt be thr for her much.. ): hope she is ok..she's having sch in the day n then work in the evenings..n then she is tired at night...nvm..this sun her bday..shall do smth for her.. (:

tues
woke up to monan's sweet voice...gosh..at 7 fricking am...yea toked till 9 n then i fell aslp again la..damn shit k...woke up at 12...then last min planned to go bugis wid udaya...bought my bag finally...after searching MANY MANY MANY MANY shops..hehe..din buy the bag tt i initially wanted to...bought this black bag wid a silver crown..(: haha..

wed
had maths lesson..ughs...decided to take 851 in the end..after seeing the horrifying crowd at the platform..scary man..yea n luckily i wasnt late..so maths went fine..juz tt EVERYTHING i did was wrong...fuck k..dun tok abt it..

after tt met udaya n i wanted to go shopping..for MORE earrings..n so i did..n so i bought MORE earrings...YAYNESS..im SO happy..cuz those were the earrings tt i SO badly wanted..but in bugis they were 7 a pair..n in far east they were fricking 3 bucks a pair...thank goodness i wasnt so stupid as to go buy them in bugis..so now ive got NEW n NICE earrings..im gona change them EVERYDAY...n buy somemore cuz i still want..haha..yea i AM obsessed wid earrings..

oh yea n i FINALLY found a simple nice cross..its a bit big though...but i still got a cross...so im happy...n i PROMISE to keep tis properly n not lose it lyk the prev one...i PROMISE...

planned to come back to my hse n clean my room..but i swear i was juz too tired to do ANYTHING...so ended up lazing ard for an hr...udaya was filing/buffing her nails...while i was trying to find a comfy slping position..cuz my extremely LONG body had to squeeze into the width of my bed...how retarded is tt..but yea...then sent udaya hme n came hme n did hsewrk...i still haven cleaned my room btw..

tmw lit lect in the morn..after tt tuition..after tt sending sara n nives off..after tt i PROMISE to spend time wid monan...cuz i haven met him since mon..n he's prolly gona leave this wk..n im gona miss him lots...so yea..

the feeling of emptiness in my hse is here again...i duno la..i brought it upon myself so i cant really complain rite..maybe tis is why i hate coming home..i need to haf a good cry again..

n apologies to ALL THOSE whom ive snapped at in the past few days...god tt angst was juz scary...or maybe my temper has resurfaced...im turning into a grouchy old bitch..my moodswings r getting frm alrdy BAD to WORSE...i juz dun lyk the person im becoming..hais...but i oso duno wad to do abt it..honestly ive given up on changing..cuz wen i want to nobody lets me..esp my family..they juz keep bringing it up n saying tt i will NEVER change cuz im alrdy lyk tt...im freaking myself out..really..wid this temper/anger/hatred i haf in me..n its not easy to get rid of...trust me..it isnt..

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:02 PM

Saturday, May 27, 2006

evrything fucking goes wrong at the fucking wrong fucking time..

carnival's on mon n wen does the player screw up?NOWWW..fuck it man..wads wrong wid it?...tis stupid shitass fuck virus..God i wana scream n throw the mp3 player against the wall..smash it into pieces..grind it into powder n throw it into the fucking sea...bloody fuck..im pissed...seriously irritated...its the 3rd time its happening...fuck fuck fuck!!!!..FUCK!!...the nearest creative outlet i kno is in jurong...fucking hell..i stay in fucking yishun ok...u kno how fucking far jurong is?...n i haf NO fucking time la..fuck...fuck...leave me alone..

n driving...FUCK driving man FUCK driving..whoever thinks or says its easy juz shut ur goddamn bloody mouth..n ONE more person who tells me to get my license faster so tt i can drive he/she around will get a good tongue lashing frm me i swear or a slap if im in one of my fucked up moods....so shut the fuck up..as it is driving is making me lose more n more of my self confidence..mine's alrdy in the negative 1000s..driving is making it go to the 100000s..FUCK driving i swear...n ANYBODY who also tells me tt lady drivers r nuisances on the roads WILL also die..understand?..if i feel tt way then ONLY I haf the right to say it...shut the fuck up n dun irritate me for now...

i haven eaten in 3 fucking days cuz thrs no food at home..n i come home too late n feel too scared to go down n buy food..n DUN fucking tell me its my fault...DUN U DARE...cuz i will fcking slap u so hard..n DUN tell me go eat smth cuz my wonderful mother happens to believe tt JUNK food or othr munchies should NEVER be allowed in the house..so thrs fcking nothing at home...no maggi mee..no biscuits..no bread..no MILO!..no nothing....fuck..

FUCK EVERYTHING...im seriously pissed off now..n NOTHING anybody says can make me ok..

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:24 PM

Thursday, May 25, 2006

sat
spent the day wid my darling JAY..i think ttz wad made my day..cant recall anything else...

sun
i did the stupidest thing ever again..i forfeited a $67+++ driving lesson...which i SWEAR to God i will NEVER EVER do again..NEVER...its juz tt day i REALLY cldnt bring myself to go driving..i duno y..but i juz COULDNT at all...felt totally lyk fuck..really lyk shit...
in the afternoon went cwp...cuz i had to meet chris...met char as well...wid jay..jan cldnt make it cuz she had to go for sme SINDA thingie..well yea..but then wen me n jay were sitting at the shelter n toking n we saw jan walking home..haha..looking so pretty n hot.. (: haha..jan jan...sucha nut..n she was playing wid the umbrella lyk it was her gun..see she is mad!

mon
omg omg the whole day i was SO fricking happy..u kno why u kno why??..i was so damn excited at the thought of meeting clare n jolene n mel..mans...n the whole 2/1 gathering thing..OMG...so damn exciting..haha..2/1 kaes...our sec 2 class..hais...well not many came..say abt 15 i think..yea...it was so fun..i juz missed evryone SO damn much..esp JOLENE PINKS N CLARE...tho i see pinks in sch evryday in sch.. (: i missed LENE so damn bloody much man..since lyk last yr we din tok..n CLARE MY DEAREST HUSBAND...missed her oso.. hais..n then thr was this annoying bloody bitchy waitress...i really hope they sacked her alrdy...judith went to make a complaint..or isit complain...mel help pls...haha...anyways yea..stupid bitch la...but then we girls still had fun...im SO DAMN BLOODY HAPPY...haha...took photos...haven uploaded them yet tho..sorry ppl..soon..
then after tt went to jo's hse before meeting sara n udaya n going home together...went to wdlds to meet monan..(: ...yea..haha...was wid him till 3++...went home called him..n ended up slping at lyk 4++...n ya la as usual felt super tired n drained the nxt day..n so sorry to udaya...cuz she got home late cuz of me i think..sorry girl...

tues
was fri's timetable..played B-ball again..haha..i enjoyed myself..but really tired myself today..n was fricking rough..haha..as usual..sorry people..no hard feelings kaes.. (:
then today i din stay back for night study..instead left wid udaya n went novena..then met my darling zana.. (: went home wid her..n toked...cuz i really needed to..i was feeling damn bloody upset on tues cuz of mon night...n OMG staying up till 4+++ was damn bloody tiring man...the nxt day i was DEAD..
but the highlight was GELARE..omg...it was meant to be a class outing..but in the end me michelle yijie audrey pearl n bryan went...gosh it was fun toking..haha..i got to kno SO much of stuff...quite interesting...i realise im lyk damn outdated la..haha..but it was fun toking..tho i was SUPER tired..hais...

wed
stayed back for night study..tho today i was super tired oso...managed to do a bit of work..left early again to meet zana dearest...anyway udaya left early again so yea...nothing much happened today..k yea.
.i kno ms chok's really concerned for me..she spoke to me again today..i really dun lyk ppl being concerned for/abt me really..i get scared by it...dun ask..even my own mum doesnt really give a damn abt me u see..so yea..but i juz hope ms chok doesnt call my mum up..really..hais.

thurs
BLESSED BIRTHDAY GRACE PRIYA JOESPH!!...went for dinner wid her...finally after lyk how many months im meeting her...lil jeba came along n so did shobana...haha..missed ruby tho..but yea...it was juz nice being thr...cuz i missed priya so much..hais..
morn had econs tuition in udaya's hse..then slacked in udaya's hse...slept for quite a bit too..goodness i never knew i was tt tired..well anyway read sme GP stuff...thot abt sme essay questions..then rushed home so i cld meet priya..

freaking out for tmw...SO BADLY..n this is the first time..hais..i duno..

im waiting for this sun..cuz im gona go back wid jay jan kart n fariha most prolly to see mr muthu..miss him SO much..been lyk HOW long since we met him...go n celebrate his bday..juz a small one i guess.. (: ..cant wait..n MR JEFF refuses to reply my sms..hope he din change no really..n i hope ash skips tuition or postpones it to come on sun..or at least come lata..

duno if we r going for movie tmw after the GP paper..but dun think i will go anyway...cuz of the GM play..dun feel lyk going for the damn play anymore..so rush..n its so fcking early la..bloody hell..

fought wid my bros juz now..im hurt so badly..but i duno wad to do or how to help myself..but i juz wana try n not think abt it anymore for now..im the one who always gets it in the end..so wad can i do abt it..i think i AM truly the black sheep of the family..i ought to do smth to me.......hais...forget it la..evryday i come home to nobody...i mean its not my fault tt i wana stay for night study really..i need to..cuz i CANT study at hm...n wen i come home evrybody's slping..it makes me feel lyk a stranger in the family..then come wkends..i still dun tok to anybody cuz they all juz avoid me..esp my parents...i dun think ive ever said tis publicly but i honestly think im deprived of love...say whatever u want..think whatever u want...but this is wad i feel..n even at 18 yrs of age i feel lyk my family life has been vry unsatisfactory/unfulfilling..it sucks...i duno...i need to let evrything out cuz i cannot keep the hurt anymore...i really cannot..

i din go back to IJ in the end..i miss tt place so damned much..esp susa n mrs alex..i so need to go back thr one day..

btw im missing jay lyk hell..i juz duno why..i think its the realisation tt june is coming n tt she will be leaving..God..i duno...im at a loss now..i cant stop her frm going...but i juz hope we dun distance..jay i really love u tho we haf got practically no time to spend wid each othr now..i promise i will try to meet u as much as possible frm now till u leave k..cuz i love u A LOT...n i juz miss u i duno y...i think wad we talked abt on sun really made me feel closer to u...thanks for opening up even tt lil bit of u..

n monan will be leaving at the end of the month..im gona miss him lyk hell again.. :(

n im looking forward to CIP on mon..but now..the J1s are all lyk backing out cuz of make up lects n all tt shit...hais..i really hope they'll skip the lects n come for the CIP instead..im looking forward to it truly..n i hope they do not let us down...

im feeling the need to distance frm sme ppl again..n i do not lyk tt feeling..i will kill myself if i do it again..

26thmay06
on this day we were supposed to do RUTHRA 06...smth tt we were looking forward to since dec..but got rejected MANY times by fcking bastard of a teacher..i juz wished we WERE doing it..it wld haf been great fun n it wld haf been a REALLY good experience too..but sadly it aint happening.. :(

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:47 PM

Saturday, May 20, 2006

shoutouts again

CHITRA : we cant wait till after exams..cuz after exams will be lyk prelims n then the As..n then we'll end up meeting up nxt yr...i'll sms u soon..we shall go out maybe in the first wk of hols kaes..love.. (:

JAY : (: (: (: i hope u enjoyed ur lil surprise...I LOWE YOU.. (:

MEL : meet soon again kaes..i wana tok to u again.. (: abt u kno wad im sure..haha..i miss u mel..

YIJIE : yea yea whatever love doctor... (: thank u for following me to queensway n bugis.. (:

MEE-SHELL : wheeeeeee!!! i cant wait..u cant either riteeeeee...wheee!!!!! (: (: (:

RUBY : why the random tag abt cinnamon??..isit my add?..its not tt i lyk the cinnamon..i lyk cinnamony stuff..am i making sense?...n it doesnt sting dear.. (:

PRIYA : (:

MARIANNE : no probs...060606...short form=666...wad a number...hahaha..but im game for it...its a tues..shld we get together at 0606 hrs oso??? (:

shoutouts done...n thanks ppl for making my tagboard come to life..haha..im making my blog come to life now..loads of stuff to say...i duno where to start...gosh thrs so much to say so much to do....bleahs..k im starting.. (:

fri
today went queensway n bugis wid yijie niva n melvyn...quite fun..was finding for bag la..i really need a new one vry badly cuz mine's currently tearing..i found one tt i lyk...but its cloth..so im kinda scared it might tear fast..but i lyk..n i oso wana get my mum's opinion first..but dun think she will be free tmw.. :( n i wana get a smaller carrying bag oso...k nvm...dun think anyone knows wad im toking...i want smth black tho..both black...n my mum still owes me a JB trip..well we'll see how.. (:
PE today spelt F U N !!!!...haha..i loved today's game...damn crappy..my roughest ever...n i found it amusing even though i was practically DYING...ive got the lowest stamina ever..n sorry jiaying for keep snatching the ball away..hehe..im evil..
after going bugis i went back to sch wid the intention of studying..but we ended up escaping n going wdlds...met chris n joshua for awhile..then after tt met monan...cldnt study la...all the study population decided to go for the concert..n i din wana..so yea..went wdlds n had a bit of fun..then sent udaya to sengkang..n then took 965 home..n toked to someone again.. (: ...hehe...so fun n exciting.. (: happiness happiness... (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

thurs
today was a shitty day..had 3hrs of ms chok..u kno i dun hate her or anything...i dun..n its not tt i wana rebel against her or wad..but really the damned essay i din kno wad to rite...gosh..so during GP she made all those who din complete go down n complete it..i was the 1st to walk out..i duno y but i felt lyk i needed to be alone...i sat at my peaceful place at the foyer n stoned for awhile...n then started work much lata...but managed to produce 1.5 pages of shit la..after tt she came to tok to me abt my sleeping habits....i duno wad to say alrdy la..all i can do is juz hope tt she doesnt call up my mum n suggests i see a doctor..cuz my mum will fricking bring me to one if she ever finds out tt ive not been slping sme nights...aiyah i duno la..ms chok says i haven been myself n been vry grumpy lately...i kno i haf n im really sorry but im juz vry tied down wid many things...
i think j ban's a really nice n funny lady...

wed
supposed to dance for arts week but last min backed out cuz our dancers din haf enuff practice..well nvm..nothing much happened on this day though..at least none tt i can remember..yea n i toked to someone again online...abt smth really shitty ttz really dragging me down..
met zana in the morn (: (: (: (: (: din meet uthaya this morn tho..but met kanages n jeya..

tues
my PE teacher's a real motherfucker i swear..i wana slap n punch his fcking face smetimes...scolded me for going down for brk during PE time..wtf la..nothing was going on during tt time n i was gona stay back n study for night study right..bastard...duno wads his prob..
met zana in the morn (: (: (: (: (: met uthaya oso..then toked to him a bit..then met kanages n jeya oso..been sometime since i saw them..

sun
OMG tis day was SERIOUSLY HAPPENING...the evening at least..it was DARLING JAY'S BDAY...haha...maybe to show my happiness i shld type in caps.. (: well evrything was good...me n jan tried to surprise her but i think she saw thru it but i wonder if she knew thr was a surprise waiting for her at home..did u kno jay?..haha me jan met jay at abt 5+..actually we were supposed to meet earlier but jay cldnt..n i was so scared tt we wld meet her mum at np who was collecting the cake at 5+ as well..but luckily we din...so we juz walked ard aimlessly...lyk wad we always do..then after tt i was wondering how im gona follow her hm n wldnt she lyk suspect n all..but then she knew la..so we juz hecked n followed her home..then her mum was lyk really good at pretending..she was lyk 'hey u guys came over?its nice to haf u guys over'...n wen jay wen to the dining room nanthini n dhanya were thr wid the cake..her grandma was also thr...then after tt we sang her the bday song then ate...omg i telling u her cousins r really funny ppl..n it was after SUCHA long time tt i was meeting jan..well the night was damn bloody entertaining.haha...well i was so happy for her..JAY UR LEGAL!!!..haha..love u..n hope u enjoyed the day..
the afternoon wasnt really so good cuz i had a family gathering right after driving..n my driving lesson left me so physically n mentally drained..i cldnt face anybody..all i wanted to do was lock myself in a room n cry myself to slp..so i was really pulling a long face..got shit frm my mum,grandma and aunty...n i had tis feeling tt my aunty is trying to avoid me..i duno y..since the yr started alrdy..hais..i duno la..im really hurt by wad she's doing..i juz dun understand y she does it..but i guess i oso cant ask her or wad..so yea..i duno how much more of it i can take alrdy la..

well so yea this pretty much sums up my whole week...meeting zana totally made my day cuz i juz felt tt the day started off right..even tho i reached sch lyk a WHOLE lot earlier..but then its worth it for zana.. (: been feeling vry upset lately..but i think its P[post]MS...i duno la..juz haven been feeling good..

i really wana say smth abt this whole issue here..but its not the place..but i swear this is really lyk totally tying me down..im feeling so sick of all this pri/sec sch fuck..i hope it juz clears up real soon..cuz its bloody fucking annoying..

anyhow sme thot crossed my mind smetime back..wad if i were to tell ppl im not straight?...haha..seems quite funny...juz for the fun of it la..k but i wun...i duno it juz crossed my mind...

i had another freaky dream again juz now while napping..stupid shit...it was so freaky...k it was lyk this...i was at the CJ bus stop wid denesh..gona sen her hme..lyk wad i did on wed..sending her to bishan..so we go on the bus n evrything...n then evrything cuts short to the CJ bus stop across the road...i get off thr..but its a VERY deserted bus stop...n then roads werent separated by trees...instead it was those contruction metal kinda things..i duno how to describe...n all of a sudden it started raining VERY heavily...n then wind was SO damn bloody strong n carried me wid it...n i grabbed onto the bus stop pole...n held...n i was almost gona lose grip wen my mum started banging on my door..n so i woke up..but the whole wind carrying me away process was so freaky..cuz i cld actually feel myself TRYING to put my legs down firmly...n in bed i felt tt my hands n legs were so heavy tt i cldnt lift them up even a bit...i really hate dreams lyk tt...

anyways im looking forward to nxt wk somehow...MONDAY 22ND MAY 7.30PM FISH & CO WHEELOCK PLACE 2/1 GATHERING...OMG!!!!!!!!!....im lyk super damn fricking happy..i juz totally CANNOT wait la...n then next day go out wid my class...YAYNESS!!! then maybe thurs or fri go back to IJ..n then fri is GM play..cant wait..haha..

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:57 PM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

man..its been lyk how long since i updated..well all in all even tho i was PMSing damn bloody badly [which i always do] i still managed to haf a pretty good week..n thr r shoutouts for ppl at the bottom..so do go n read..

tues wid chris n a LONG convo wid someone
wed wid my darling class
thurs wid my darling class n monan
fri wid MEL dearest
sat wid JAY darling

haha..

tues
went to meet chris after sch..cldnt wait..as usual our tues gelare date..haha..went wid sinthu n annapoo oso..saw quite a lot of weird things lyk the bull..hehe..goodness wdlds sure is a weird place..yea..then went hm n had a long convo wid someone.. (: am definitely happy..haha..
thr was a small setback on this day..i felt so upset cuz i cldnt do the CRV FA..evrytime it comes to FAs i juz feel tt smetimes i dun haf time to think out those stuff for myself cuz ppl r asking me how to do it..so i juz feel really upset cuz i end up doing the FA badly..so i broke down on tues...yea..cried to miss chia..n im glad tt she was thr..really..n im so thankful tt she is still my teacher..i dun think id haf the strength to actually push myself without her constant encouragement..but she tol me smth upsetting..whilst my econs is improving,my maths is going down the drain..i got even more upset at tt..i duno la..i need to find the balance..mid yrs r juz around the corner..hais..
had my 2.4 run oso on tt day..which i did properly..so i earned my SILVER.. (:

wed
lit evening..quite cool..was quite happy spending time wid the class..tho i wasnt exactly sitting wid them but wid nives..was wid them thr..quite interesting to see evrybody dress up n all..yea me n michelle had to present..i had to do a translation whilst michelle had to do a presentation of her drawing which was so damn nice.. (: then i took a photo wid MY BOLLYWOOD HERO Brother Paul..haha.. (: (: (: ...smiles smiles smiles like mad...yea reached hme pretty late tt day..
yea before tt i saw ruby in the interchange..was really glad to see her after such a long time.. (: no words cld describe tt feeling actually..

thurs
sports day in a way..haha..only spoiler was my jersey..i was really fricking upset abt it cuz mine had a printing error...became gorgeAus instead of gorgeous..n the fact tt i was actually pmsing made it worse cuz i felt even more upset abt it for no reason...felt kinda demoralised during the netball matches tho i duno y..after tt i was having this weird hatred flowing thru me..i seriously duno y..but i juz felt ultimate hatred n anger n ttz y i din wana go out wid the class cuz i din wana be pulling a long face or anything..so went for lunch wid fran n udaya..met jenny n kanages.. (:
after tt went hm slept n then monan came over..toked a bit..then he left n i went out for dinner wid my family...

fri
woke up late as usual..went bugis wid my mum n ended up not buying anything cuz thr juz wasnt anything..its seriously damn fcking irritating trying to find for a bag...bloody hell..n im fussy so yea..juz cldnt find anything..but ended up buying books..then after tt followed them back to yishun n then left to meet mel..i had a GREAT time wid mel really..toking crapping buying BUTTERFLY stuff..bought new earrings..haha..i LOVE n i intend to buy somemore btw.. (: (: yea anyways after tt followed mel hme n then took 965..toked to somebody again (: (: (: (: ...haha..happiness..

sat
morn went for brekkie wid jay tho it was last min n evrything..n it was wonderful catching up wid her after SO DAMN BLOODY long...consistent inconsistency...no one will get it except me n jay cuz its an inside joke...hehe..n jay u look GREAT wid ur hair now..even my mum said so..so dun think lowly of urself k..YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL..
stupid monan promised to follow me n my mum go JB in the end he cldnt make it..tho i think he juz din wana go..anyways yea..so plans to go JB got cancelled..then after brekkie came hm..kohila came for dance prac..finally managed to teach her the whole dance..now we juz need sme prac wid the hats..then evrything shld be fine..
so after tt watched TV all the way..cuz they played vijays movie on sun tv then after tt watched vasantham n they played m kumaran..the movie which touched/touches/will touch my heart the MOST..hais..so sad..felt lyk crying so much...

im missing zana so badly..been so long since i toked to her..wanted to visit her on sun but family going out for lunch so yea..n in this 4 days of hols i NEVER did a single hw or work...neither did i clean up my room lyk i promised to..n i owe some people thanks

JAY : BLESSED 18th BDAY TO YOU..i love u a lot a lot..ur really a great person..beautiful inside out..we've had plenty of ups n downs n im sure we still will but we'll pull thru kaes..i love u SO much..well i hope we can go out more often kaes..cuz its gona be a mth more n then ur gona leave..im gona be sad all over again..so we must spend more time together k..LOVE U BABE.. (:

NAIR [JAN] : eh pandi u still alive?..duno how to call sms or anything isis..pandi..hope ur doing well anyway..missing u girl..

MEL : thanks for tt wonderful fri evening..i really enjoyed my time wid u..it was good updating u n catching up wid u..n letting u read those smses (: ..haha..well well i will definitely keep u updated abt things k..I LOVE U SO MUCH MEL..

MARIANNE YIJIE N WILLIAM : hey guys..i kno marianne n yijie wld prolly read this..duno abt will..anyways i juz wana thank u guys SO much...cuz i felt tt tis yr i cld really open up n be myself ard the class cuz u guys made things much easier..i felt tt smehow tis yr u guys opened up A LOT to me n it really made me feel a whole lot comfier..so i juz wana thank u guys so much..LOVES (:

YIJIE : hello yijie..hope u read tis..thank u SO much for running wid me on tues..it meant alot to me..a great source of encouragement...thanks so much kaes..n i will definitely treat u to lunch soon..

MICHELLE : how do i ever thank u for ALWAYS being thr giving me sane advice..well u oso definitely made things much easier this yr in sch n i oso hafta thank u for always being nice.. LOVES (:

RUBY : hey girl it was nice seeing u tt day..n im glad to haf given u tt hug wen u needed it..LOVE U girl (:

PRIYA : duno y but ur sms juz put a smile on my face..well evrything related to u always puts a smile on my face n tugs at my heart.. (: LOVE U always girl...always..

UDAYA : thanks for running wid me..i'll treat u to gelare soon k..after ur SYF..n all the best..

i //young of the butterfly// you 2:34 AM

Thursday, May 04, 2006

MONAN'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!.....n his morn greeting of 'morning little sunshine!' totally made my day..i was juz so happy thruout the morn n day oso actually but i was kinda tired tho.. (: (: ..but he is back!!!!..YAY YAY YAY!!!!!!!!!

k so on tues i went to meet chris after sch...went wid chris annapoo sinthu n elbina to gelare..haha..after sucha long time im eating thr..wafflessss (:(: ...haha..tried the honey malt crunch which was damn shiok..went to buy my earphones after tt...well despite the fella saying tt its a VERY VERY gd brand,the earphones r a bit spoilt..i hate this fcking earphones business i swear..went hm wid sinthu after tt..n i showed her the foto..haha..goodness im really quite a nut..

anyways on wed after sch went wid yijie n aud to print class tees..i REALLY hope the guy gets it done by tues n we can get out jerseys on wed itself..then yijie bought corn...u kno they really put SO much butter..n it was so funny to see his reaction cuz he kept saying can die can die..haha yijie FYI i put more butter than tt really...so after tt i headed back to sch for studying..n i was productive...drank coffee..hehe..makes me happy.. (: at abt 8.40 me n udaya went to the benches opp SC...it was vry dark n all but damn nice...juz to be alone..n we toked abt our insect phobia then headed back to studying a bit..haha...after tt went mrt stn sat down n toked..came hm was super tired but still ended up toking to zana..i juz had to tok to her..n felt much better after tt..but she is having attachment now so she wun really be free much.. :(

thurs after sch went tuition..after tt came hm n slacked till now..actually been reading the papers la..the GE is soooo lyk covered..i cant find a word..lyk too much coverage...hais...getting so boring..anyways this morn saw joyce neo li yun in the bus..haha..she called n was lyk 'look to ur left'...i wld haf moved back if only the bus wasnt crowded..sorry joyce..n besides nowadays the bus timings r getting more bloody screwed up..damn irritating la..so im reaching sch lata n lata.. :( n i really hate double GP periods cuz i feel so bad after tt...i slept in the first period..so really tried my best to stay awake for the 2nd period..hais..its so diff for ms chok n i feel bad cuz im the fcked up GP rep la..feel really bad u kno..hais..n ms ban was quite nice n funny today..well it was a good day (:

-arae baba...you are afraid
-Very normal considering the people around you are making you feel that way
-I mean you are a person who gives importance to what pple say .....
-So it will take time to heal from all the hurt you have been through
-And time is the Best Medicine
-you need to approach this in a different angle...
-You will learn....give ur self sum chances darling
-I know you must be saying that it is easier to be said
-But i know you da....you will pull through

its at times lyk this i thank God for zana..yea had pretty much a heart to heart tok wid her last night..actually wanted to tok to chris but i think she is busy wid sch...yea told zana evrything..well i really cant do anything abt this fear la..its been thr ALL along..ALWAYS..n i really duno how to overcome it..so lyk wad zana says im juz gona give it time i guess..wad can i do?..im really juz gona take things n my stride n try not to feel so low..

saw priya juz now at the 806 stand..wanted to call her but kinda far rite..so i thot nvm..then wanted to wave but she din see.. :( well if u read this..HI PRIYA :)

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:30 PM

Monday, May 01, 2006

k first lemme blog abt going out on sat wid mel n jo.. (: (: ..smiles smiles smiles RETARDEDLY..was so damn fricking happy to see them..haha went for lunch at Thai Express...never ate thr before so trusted mel n jo to order for me...PINEAPPLE RICE..was fricking nice n sweet..n by the way i only found one tiny piece of fish in tt big serving of rice..so sad...really had no room for more after tt..tho mel n jo actually ordered another plate for themselves after eating their meals..im fascinated..then alan joined us for lunch as well n ate 3 bowls of rice..god..how do ppl do tt??..k i kno im an ass..anyways..yea..after tt took neos..haha..had plenty of fun..din take pics wid cam tho..i bought 2 new tops which im in love wid..n i bought tis pink spag top..for the colour..its a bit tight...actually REALLY tight..but i juz love looking at it..i wana frame it up n hang it on the wall..n NO im NOT kidding..

after tt went hm..udaya came over..cousins came over..haha..was damn bloody funny la..esp after dinner..we played tt number game n the forfeit thingie of eating whatever's left on the plate..n tt consisted of onions chilli cucumber n lettuce..sick rite??...n udaya din kenna la..until the END..haha..but thr was nothing much left..i was damn sway..kenna lyk nobodys business..haha..the 2nd time i ate i spat it out..cldnt eat it no more..it sucked..haha..then after tt ard 9++ went to send udaya off..then bought banana..went hm..n attemtped to stay up till late..at 2 i cldnt take it anymore..been feeling bloody tired these past few days..God...SERIOUS SERIOUS lack of slp man..quite bad actually..

been missing monan SO badly these few wks...i duno..im over the whole liking thing..n i think im glad we fought last yr nov n only strted toking recently..it changed things smehow...n the fact tt we're both older now...n i juz miss him..miss having his presence..i duno..he can do the stupidest things to make me laugh..to make me feel better..its juz a fren lvl now..thank God.. (: ...i miss him..n he promised to come back asap.. (:

went for driving the past 2 days..n Jamal took me on sat again..was so fricking happy to see him..haha..n he let me go on the roads..used upto gear 4..YAY-NESS...haha..but was pretty much scared..drove along thomson.. (: it was juz damn damn damn fun la really..but sun's lesson another guy took me n refused to let me on the roads..n i almost killed the gardener of SSDC..i swear i HATE inner lanes..i really do..n driving in the ciruit is sucha pain..cuz i hafta go really slow..n it doesnt help wen ur stupid accelerator pedal is STIFF...bloody hell..the car was jerking n rattling lyk mad today..so irritating..todays's lesson was draining again..i duno whether its juz the side effects of wakin up early after slping late or really driving in the circuit is juz tiring...i juz hope nxt fri's lesson isnt lyk tt..God PLEASE let it be good..

ive been thinking abt so much stuff lately..mind's really really clogged up..i duno la..juz yest i was going smewhr or coming hm frm smewhr...n i thot abt evrything...n i realised tt i cld pick out specific incidents tt contributed to my attitudes/behaviour/manner/whatever la..i duno..its juz suddenly things dawned on me yest...it was quite enlightening but unfortunately tt enlightening moment has left me..so i cant really rem anything..but i kno tt it shed a lot of light on things..y i want certain things to happened..y i detest sme ppl..y i easily love ppl i get to kno[not meet]...y hate is difficult for me esp if ive alrdy loved the person..y i easily get hurt..smetimes i think im too absorbed in my 'non existent' probs..i rem someone telling me this once 'ur really funny..u kno y..cuz all ur probs r self induced'..n the same person said this as well 'ur juz immune rite..ur lyk a stone u kno..no reaction..no feelings..no emotions..no nothing'...am i really feelingless??or do i portray myself to be lyk tt??..

k i REALLY haf to stop now im having sucha damned splitting headache n i cannot take it anymore..its the lack of sleep i swear..the more i think abt wad i wana rite the more i feel lyk my head's gona explode n my eyes r gona pop out of their sockets...

i //young of the butterfly// you 1:36 AM