Sunday, July 31, 2005
right now im juz terrified and scared n confused.
the monk came over juz now..did sme prayer stuff n ihad to be present..n now im made to wear this chain..which to me is satanic..i was so freaked out during the prayers juz now i juz kept praying so hard to God to save me frm these evil forces..im juz really so scared..my mum is so scraed for all of us..n she is ALWAYS worried abt us..paranoid...blah blah blah..n she so badly wants me to wear the chain supposedly to protect me..but i feel lyk the chain will only harm me further..i duno wad to do at all..n the monk was saying a lot abt me juz now..how i shldnt take any rtshps/frenships seriously..how my slp is being affected by my slping position..how my life is gona really propser..gosh i duno wad to do at all la....wad shit man..im juz so scared right now cuz tonight im supposed to slp in a different position..i dun want to..but im supposed to..n my dad's leg is suddenly starting to hurt vry badly now..juz now i almost cldnt control the tears..my mum is really so affected by her work..she cant go overseas at all..nothing..i duno wad to do..
monan left without me n him clearing things up.....i was juz so fcking pissed wid him wen he said tt abt my dad..he fcking knows how sensitive i am abt my family..i suddenly feel this need to protect my family cuz of evrything ttz been going on..n he cld still say tt..i kno chris takes evrything he says lightly but im not lyk tt..n i juz really scolded him n din pick up any of his calls..but the not picking up his calls part is cuz i really din hear any of em..i mean im really sorry tt he left without us toking..it sux..but i cant help it..i really cant...
right now im juz thinking abt wad the monk said abt my social life...abt not taking rtshps/frenships seriously..i think i alrdy starting doing tt in jun..wen evrything fell apart..almost evrybody walked away frm my life..well i duno whether to say im fine or not cuz honestly i do need frens oso...but i think right now i dun really give two shits abt ppl...i think my mind is juz too occupied wid family..n frens..pls la..evrybody is juz fake..so am i...juz tell me...they only come to u wen they need smth or wen they suddenly feel sympathy for u or smth..other than tt they dun care..at least the frens i had were lyk tt...so many ppl let me down..but i dun wana give a damn abt those ppl anymore..i honestly cant be bothered wid all the idiots who left me alone..so yea..whatever..
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:48 PM
Sunday, July 24, 2005
well first of all im not going to india at the end of the yr..2nd it was MY decision even tho my mum allowed me to go..n 3rdly im vry vry upset..
im juz feeling so down n empty right now..im on lots of medication...n i might as well go take sme anti depressants cuz im really losing my mind...n once again its my family...esp my parents..i duno wad to do anymore...cuz of one monk........evrything changed...my mum thinks she is gona die anytime soon..my mum keeps saying tt she wun b living for long..things haf changed ard my hse..more prayers n going to temple..mum isnt going to work much anymore...i really duno if i shld burden them by still insisting tt i wana go aussie..i duno anymore...my mum says 'u think i will be living for tt long???u count my days i got not much time left'...she keeps worrying abt hell n heaven..whr she will end up...DUH she is scared of death n yea i got it too...so cuz of this monk my mum CANNOT leave the country..nope..not even to msia...so india is OUT of the ques...n wen i claimed it was all rubbish..my auntie pointed out sme stuff to me....so i had to believe it..gosh i duno wad to do anymore u kno..i wana cry yet i cant..i wana die yet if i do i duno wad will happen..i juz duno wad to do..monan will be leaving tis wk...chris is having sch...i juz got not one thr anymore..jay is in OBS...i duno wad to do u kno...i wish thr was smeone who wld tok to me n help me thru this but unfortunately thrs no one....i really duno how im gona pull thru all of this i really really duno..
ive got an econs test which i totally forgot abt..im gona go ask mrs tan to push the test to a lata date..cannot study at all..too occupied wid things..my mind's really really clogged up u kno...i cant i cant cope wid evrything..not right now..cuz my family is on my mind..
i think i demand too much..
i think im a bitch..
i think im a screw up..
i think im a mess...
i think im a burden..
i think im irresponsible..
i think im juz so unfair..
i think im unreasonable..
i think im judgemental..
maybe i dun think at all..maybe i juz AM...n i kno ive been horrible to evrybody juz not giving them a chance..but i feel so upset cuz evryone in my life is missing..its lyk i cant even go to my FRENS for help..i duno..i juz got no more courage,guts,strength to approach them cuz im really vry vry lost..i cant even think abt wads right n wads wrong n wad to do...i duno anything...i duno how to approach them n tell them all tt ive been going thru..its juz so much easier to tok to the ones who haf been thr frm the strt...n i feel so helpless cuz i dun wana lose my frens juz cuz of smth tt is MY fault..i duno..im losing evrybody n evrything n i duno wad to do or how to get it back..do i even want it back??...
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:11 PM
Thursday, July 21, 2005
vry pissed off wid racist fuckers in CJ..hey go fuck n die la ok...all the chinese who also love making fun of indians can go fuck n die oso..cuz u guys juz piss me off...sorry if im being racist myself...dun see why i cant be one wen thr r MANY out thr being racists..........
had a not so gd day today..was the only one wearing costume in my class...felt so so so weird...lyk an xtra...i duno juz din feel in..then oso the ICS thing anothr one...wasnt really included in the ICS stuff..not pissed la..juz confused tt those not even in ICs were involved but those in ICS din kno nothing...n thr was one DOG who gave me MAJOR attitude..was damn anrgy la..i mean he was the one who din hold the garbage bag properly n so the bowl ended up on the floor...n even wen i apologised he gave me this fck face..gawd..grow up la bastard..took fotos wid sme indian girls n wid renu oso...a memory..a beautiful memory..well she has grown into sucha beatiful lady..of course im jealous...well lucky for me sara was at the ICS booth..luckily k..then he juz kept me company through out.....he thinks im always drunk..i duno y...n he says i cant walk in a straight line..n i think my migraine is really getting to me..cuz he asked me a ques n i cldnt ans it n a few secs lata i was asking him wad he asked me..i duno..i freaked myself out la..i was juz so blur....n in monan's hse i took so long to understand wadever he was saying...
after sch went to monan's hse even tho i was so freaking tired...been going to his hse evryday this whole wk except on wed...tmw dun think i will go..but mite meet him or smth...gosh i went thr n slept...hais...then he sent me hm n went out...n thank god this morn he called me or not i wld haf missed the CJ bus stop..sara forgot n took the earlier bus...anyways yea...was talking to monan...was telling him how messed up n all i feel..n he keeps telling me i need a brk..i duno how to take a brk anymore..thrs no more space for brks or relaxation in my life...but then again i go to his hse rite...isnt tt a form of relaxation...i duno..im not making sense anymore am i?...well yea...duno la..dun care..he is leaving nxt wk..it sux la..wish he wldnt leave but he has to..n after he finishes his diploma he prolly has to stay on to do his degree n his dad will prolly lay down lotsa conditions.....i will die if he is unable to come down to spore anymore...n hopefully wen i leave for india n by the time i come back he is still here..n aussie..i think im gona let my mum read the email soon...
had a freaking nightmare last night..woke up crying...not gona say who isit abt....but its lyk ppl in CJ...hais..scary...n i better get back my sari n punjabi suit in one piece...
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:24 PM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SATHESH N SANTHI AUNTIE....
THIS ENTRY CONTAINS A LOT OF SENTENCE STURCTURE ERRORS N WRONG VOCABS SO PARDON ME....[even tis sentence doesnt sound right]
ok today to get away frm the stress...after sch i went monan's hse n slacked thr..then went for the doctor's appointment..ARGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSs....medication is casuing me to lose hair oso..so wad else am i gona lose man???...im screwed..so so so screwed...my mum says i need to SAYANG my hair..by touching it,combing it,brushing it,loving it..my mum is mad i tol u...aiyoooooooo..die la..mum gona buy shitloads of vitamins,fruits n rubbish for me..i mean its all in the name of good health n good hair growth..............ughsssss.....i hate pills...
cephas is moving to front row..im left alone wid a fcking space between me n timothy..which i haf a feeling timothy will fill up one day soon...sentence structure is so rubbish..i duno im feeling more n more n more shitty...i juz want him AWAY frm me...AWAY...ughs.....tol monan n as usual he was LAUGHING over the fone....ok i mean not the mean laughter but a i-duno-how-to-help-u laugh....he is disgusted too....u see which guy actually behaves lyk tt man???im so gona die..i duno y me of all ppl...n u kno wad???..NO GUY NO GUY i repeat has ever come on msn n said HELLO PRAV...saying hello is fine...saying hello praveena is fine..saying hey is fine..saying hello PRAV is WRONG WRONG WRONG..only my girlfrens n DECENT guys haf the right to use tt...n fck u timothy u rnt one of the decent guys..u understand??????n y does he need to tok to me on MSN???for wad???..ive half a mind to delete him frm my list...im stressed la ok..n DISGUSTED by him..really...i never knew such a pervert guy...n i DUN feel comfy wid guys staring at me..NOT AT ALL..i feel lyk im being eye raped...fcking hell..monan tol me to go tok to MsChok..laureen also said tt.....RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....i want to..
mum n me were having a tok abt my GIRLY side juz now..gawd..dun ask man..we started off toking ended up in a quarrel...then tok then quarrel...yea it repeats itself till i reach hm.........can die la....she is complaining abt my hair loss......i kno mum i kno........
tired as hell right now..had a crisis juz now..cuz bro grabbed onto the window grille n it erm....came off....so the whole window grille thingie was out...yea but we fixed it...hopefully it doesnt fall on me while im sleeping..gosh i will die..
got AQ to complete...n im gona compete wid Bose for maths..aint letting him beat me...haha..Professor Bose...crap man....today sch was fine...gd actually...othr than tt one small part whr cephas tol me he was moving front...n din tok much to michelle today oso..hais...
im still wondering wads my longest frenship wid a person...wen im 19 my oldest fren wld be 6 yrs worth of frenship..PRIYA has tt honour........but monan has a frenship 10 yrs long la...do u understand wad im saying n he is 19??...gosh i must be sucha loser..anyway ya....duno la..was juz thinking wen he mentioned it today...whoa im confused la...my mind is foggy right now..cuz im really tired..sorry im not making sense..
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:00 PM
Monday, July 18, 2005
im juz going mad...
my dad came hm wid a sprained/swollen ankle...as it is he alrdy limps..y is God so unfair?...im juz blaming God cuz i need to blame someone to juz vent my anger..i kno how unfair i am..but its at times lyk this i lose all my faith n i juz start blaming God for everything..is He really tt unhappy wid me n my family?..is He?..does He really hate us tt much?..first was my mum then dad then mum then dad again..wad is He trying to do?..i really cant take this anymore..wen i came hm n saw his leg bandaged..i din kno wad to do..i juz suddenly felt so empty n hurt..n i immediately juz started blaming God for it...wen juz a while agao Vasan tol me tt any type of sickness doenst come frm God..i duno..i juz duno wad to do..wen i met monan juz now n tol him abt this..i juz almost cried..but i held evrything in till i was coming hm..n i cried in the fcking bus..he tol me to juz tok to my dad..he said this..'u kno ur worrying n u love him so juz go n tok to him..y let ur fcking ego n pride take over u?for wad?'..n then both of us juz kept quiet for 15mins..u kno how tt suckeD?...i felt so rotten inside..i cldnt even think properly..i was banging into evrybody n not apologising..does anybody kno wad im going thru..u kno im juz so worried abt my family evryday tt i always think abt them..i start to think wad if my parents die today or wad if my bros die today..or wad if..or wad if..then i start getting scared n panicky...i duno y..i juz dun feel safe anymore...my mum keeps falling sick..dad either dislocating his shoulder or spraining his ankle..i duno y God punishes us so...n u juz look at my mum..how haggard n tired she looks..my dad the same..i juz feel useless here..i feel lyk i cant do anything..im juz a failure..my mum will prolly get a heart attack or smth wen she comes for PTM..n i duno how to face her..i juz feel so empty n yet im going thru an inner turmoil..monan keeps telling me PRIORITISE...wen studying only STUDIES...after tt worry abt family frens whoever...but i cant..i fcking cant..im emtional so emtional..i fear death..i love my family so much tt im so scared God will take them away frm me soon..i got no strength to face death seriously..i dun..now suddenly i feel so lost...i need to tok to someone..thr r ppl around but i duno who to tok to..n i feel if i do tok im burdening tt person...im really a mess..if i cld i wld really really take over evrything n provide for the family..i wld..i wld get my mum n dad to stop working n do EVERYTHING myself cuz i dun wana see them hurt...but i cant do it now...cuz i dun even kno wad to do..evrytime i do my hw my mind juz keeps going back to them..it keeps going back to the time i came hm n saw my dad...n he has been doing OT lyk 3times a wk..n my mum tells me its a part time job..wth..he is doing 2jobs juz to support the family..i cant take this kinda things u kno..how many nights i thot abt this n cried myself to slp..i cannot..i juz cant handle all this..i got no more strength really...i cannot face all this...im till trying to take evrything bit by bit but things r happening too fast..its lyk i cant go thru this on my own n i cant maybe dun wana find smeone to go thru this wid me...it is juz so difficult..ive juz been so upset the whole day..i cldnt be myself..juz now wen i left to go pass sadia her stuff i cldnt stop thinking abt my dad n bros at hm..i cldnt..n after i met monan i wasnt even my happy crappy self..i was juz so quiet..he knew n he toned down...until i tol him wad was bothering me..i haven tol chris anything yet cuz she's having her exams now..dun want her to worry abt me..its juz not ez for me..ive been trying to pray evryday but wen small things lyk this happen i lose all faith...n i juz need smeone to blame..i mean who else is thr to blame..the devil??....i duno..im really so confused...i juz wana cry evrything out..i juz want smeone to comfort me n juz listen..juz listen..i juz wana take a brk frm evrything n absorb evrything tt has happened cuz i dun think im ok at all...im not...i duno wad i need...but i juz wana be strong again for myself first...
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:01 PM
Saturday, July 16, 2005
din go sch today..i was having diarrhea n im telling u..it SUCKED having to run to the toilet 101 times n feeling so weak n exhausted..n my mum wasnt helping at all..man u shld see the diary entry i juz wrote..the whole page is filled wid Fs n Bs n MFs..sorry but yea.i juz had to get it all out..was feeling so angry..PMS PMS..VERY bad PMS..very very bad...
tmw gotta follow priya bras basah..come hm..then go michelle's hse for cell..not really ready to go..i mean the whole sharing/playing games part..im not ready for it yet..but i will juz go once..
monan's MIA..duno wad he is doing..called him yest he din pick up..hope he calls lata at least..
was having a nervous brkdown last night while talking to chris..juz suddenly felt vulnerable n depressed n lonely..gosh..i was juz lyk experiencing a whole rush of emtions..it was juz so sudden..i lyk cldnt handle it..n i wanted to blow up at chris for no rhyme or reason...thank God i controlled myself...cried after tt..n was feeling so tired oso cuz i kept going to the bloody toilet..sucked man..really sucked...n today was lyk sucha beautiful day cuz of the beautiful rainy weather which wasnt too heavy or anything..juz nice weather today..
been thinking abt too many things lately..n i got no time to rite them here or in my diary..really need to spend sme time riting in my diary..need to do my maths n study econs oso..tests r coming up alrdy..need to buck up for GP..to me i failed..so tt sucked..it sux real bad..n lit oso..hais..duno la..feeling vry lost confused at the moment..am trying to lyk comfort myself..trying..
n yea i lyk this skin..PLAIN N SIMPLE..
i //young of the butterfly// you 12:06 AM
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
pms sux..cuz im pmsing badly..wid cramps n gastric n headache..wana pon tmw..but dun think i will..am juz sleep deprived..but ttz only wad i think..but i dun think im sleep deprived..i cant be sleep deprived..r u mad??..gosh..ive been studying lately n its freaking me out..did maths differentiation tutorial..well it was fun..n lso did a bit of econs n lit..gosh..scary man..bu ti hafta fricking buck up..i think im gona tell my mum to put a password for the com..so i wun haf anything to do..i really need to start mugging..promos r in lyk sept..n i need my A for maths n A/B for lit..n a bloody B/C for ec ons..i will cry if i fail econs again..n im gona take ananthi's tuition..ive made up my mind..will go ahead wid it whether mum allows or not..am not exactly happy wid my mid yr results..cuz niva beat me in EVERY single fcking subject..so im pissed..yea i may be niva's fren but dya kno wad??..her dad loves to BULLSHIT..n he BULLSHITS to my uncle..n MY uncle MY BLOOD believes him rather than me..so i gotta juz prove it to them tt im juz smarter..way way smarter..musnt let her beat me anymore..im gona make sure i do better than her for promos..i WILL do it..VISUALISE...
anyway yea..PE i hafta start my conditioning alrdy..well tt sux..think my thighs haf grown fatter over the hols..am gona push myself for running..n i will fcking kill mr foo if i haf big thighs by the 2 yrs in CJ..cuz he is making me do the GS..fck man..arghsssssssssss....i hate this..y am i a fat pig who cant jump n do inclined??Y?Y?Y?Y?Y?Y?Y?Y?Y?Y?...........................BLEAHS...not fair..
tuition boys r pissing mr muthu off..n u kno wad...fariha is a bitch..she only cares for herself n herself..bitch..all these bangla ppl r juz the same u kno...fariha..shanto..sadia n nafis..they're all shits..i mean they distract evrybody in tuition n then go hm n MUG..go hm n seriously study..its horrible u kno..n wen sadia found out i got higher than her for maths..gosh u shld haf seen her face..n bloody fariha comes crying wen she gets an A2 for emaths..gosh shut the fuck up bitch..i mean she is fcking gona end up wid 6pnts..so wth?????i dun fcking care abt fariha..the onyl 2 ppl im concerned for this yr is jan n kart..i dun care abt fariha..evrytime i come for tuition the standard ques she'll ask is 'is JC fun?'..fck u la..come n see for urself la..maybe u shld go to NJ then u can haf PLENTY of fun wid AHEM....pisses me off man..n she freaked out for her Os last yr itself..gosh these ppl r sickening man..juz plain irritating..
gastric is really becoming vry vry bad..feel lyk dying man..met priya juz now..haha..n we were both so tired tt we started toking shit in the bus..more lyk I started toking shit..gosh n we were so loud tt the lady sitting in front of us got pissed n moved front..n rpiya was lyk 'this is spore get used to it'..n we burst out laughing for tt..u see we haf no life..yea n all of a sudden she was lyk 'parna imagine YOU being married n having kids...gosh wad a horrible thought'..n i din say anything cuz i was super blur i started whning cuz i din understand wad was going on..then lyk minutes lata lata i understood evrything..haha..i duno la..im really tired n been feeling vry cold lately too..
i realised sme of my blog entries dun exactly reflect my thoughts..maybe ttz cuz evrything goes into my diary..all my thoughts on love,rtshps,frens,frenships,ppl i meet..juz abt evrything..maybe the blog is here to help me keep sme happy memories..lyk evrytime wen i meet ppl n wad happens..
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:56 PM
Sunday, July 10, 2005
YIPIN MY DARLING HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U..I LOVE U SO MUCH N AM MISSING U LOADS!!!!!!!
ok quite a few things haf happened
-MONAN'S BACK!!!!!!!
-CHRIS IS ALSO BACK FRM CAMP
-mid yrs r over
-waiting for results
-failed econs MCQ
-thought abt SO much of stuff
haha..yea..MONAN is back..im so freaking happy..n guess wad??its his bday tmw..YAY..hopefully chris follows me..then maybe we can go over n get him a small cupcake or smth..haha..we love doing tt..(:(:(:..well yea..i think he is leaving soon..n prolly coming back again evry month..gosh miss him so much..n chris also..haven spoke to her in one wk..n hafta update her on the class situation..chris im missing u..arghs i love the both of them i miss them so much..
went to priya's chruch today..i LOVED the worship man...it was really good..but the service i was super lost cuz it was all in tamil..gosh ttz how bad my tamil is...might go nxt wk..cuz her dad is giving the testimony on his trip to china..well..see how first..
n yea mid yrs...wad to do..wads done is done..will study hard for promos..lyk wad monan said prioritise..so im gona do it..n make sure i get wad i want..n i think i will be taking up ananthi's offer for econs tuition..need it badly..since i dun even understand DD n SS..i think..i duno i juz cant use it to ans essay ques..duno la..need a min B for econs for promos..hope i get it..n lit is gona be lyk 3 bks or 4 i think..BUT i WILL do well..
going to india on 20th nov..duno wen im coming back..but yea evrything's confirmed alrdy so yea..duno la..wid the fcking tension in my family right now..duno how it will be..n my aunties are lyk distancing frm each othr..so its bad i guess..i duno wads gona happen by nov..hais..n i din speak to logita AT ALL tt day wen we went for anniyan...im really disgusted by her behaviour la..i mean she dresses lyk a TYPICAL mangamma..BLACK BLACK..two STUPID feelers...the walk oso one kind..lyk catwalking lyk tt..gosh..nvm..she is my cousin..i shall try my vry best to overlook all this..
after my period medication..am prolly gona try doing the esther fast..maybe on a fri sat sun..see how it goes..n ive decided to work on my abs..n my arms..u kno tt day wen i went out wid mel, i tried on the baleno Vneck i wanted to get..u kno i cld wear an S..but its cuz my arms cant fit ttz y i hafta get a bigger size..n pls do not gimme crap lyk 'no ur arms r not fat'.....i kno how it looks lyk..n i kno it is fat..well will get my abs first..cuz after wad monan said im so motivated..haha..
met him juz now for abt 3 hrs..n well his frens still think i lyk him..hais..duno la..esp michael n joshua..well nvm..met him n juz talked n talked n talked n talked at the void deck..tol him abt the timothy thing n he laughed la..well yea i kno he doesnt kno wad to do..BAHHHH...but i need to kno wad to do..but yea haf i said i miss him..i think wad me chris n him share is really smth to be treasured..i mean at anywhr anytime we juz manage to understand each othr..n even tho he is in msia...he is thr for us u kno..evrytime i needed to tok he's juz put aside his studies juz to make me feel better..same goes for chris..n also chris does tt for me..i thank God for ppl lyk them..
n my beloved charles n keith sandals tore..gosh..im so heartbroken..i think its been lyk 2 yrs..ARGHS...well mum gave me 50 to buy 2 new ones..am gona get the butterfly one..n prolly jay's one..then maybe save up my money n get my old ones..cuz they were juz so so so comfy..i miss them..i hate the slippers im using..irritating..
watched mr n mrs smith oso today..n nxt movies are
// CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
// HARRY POTTER 4
// BEWITCHED
but priya wants to watch dark water..i'll juz DIE..u kno im not scared but after tt i juz start imagining things..its lyk i start to remember scary scenes frm the movies..then i get scared..ok i duno whether u get it but nvm..n im gona make sure one of these movies im gona watch wid my cousins..n me n chris still got a movie date but i think she is bz studying..gosh how i hate poly terms...poly sux cuz of the weird terms..n tis yr she will also be having sch during christmas..so will i..i mean during deepavali tt is..bleahs..duno if we will be celebrating..but im in a baking mood so maybe tis yr i mite make all the titbits..
oh yea abt the class thing..its tis timothy who is pissing me off..i kno wad type of a girl i am..n to be very honest..yes i HATE all of u guys out thr..i DUN trust ANY of u..i dun at all...the only guy i trust n trust wholeheartedly is monan..no one else..i tol chris abt how i feel abt all this rtshp stuff..i tol her y i hate guys..y im also scared of them..gosh u kno guys r juz liable to molest a girl anytime..n yea im not afraid to admit im freaking scared of tt..yea i dun wana feel cheap or used..but even wen a guy juz comes too close to me n its smeone whom i fcking hate i start feeling used..n i tol vasan so many times..i dun feel angry..i feel so fcking down tt i juz wana brk down at tt pnt in time..it sux u kno..no one will ever kno how i feel..n ttz exactly wad timothy has been doing..he sickens/disgusts me..he is juz gross..ive never known a guy lyk him man..never..n its PLAINLY disgusting..ok yea maybe ALL guys watch porn..whatever..but timothy is sick..wid the ques he has asked a few girls in the class its no fricking wonder y most of them dun lyk him..n same goes..i dun lyk him cuz of his sorta pervertedness..but u kno wad i juz try to be nice..n tis is wad i get in return..lyk wad priya said maybe i shld stop being a mother theresa..im juz gona knee him in his groin one of these days n make him lose his manhood..i swear..bastard..i was juz cursing n swearing at him..n i kno monan was kinda pissed off too..but he din kno wad to do..he was lyk 'im really sorry da..i duno wad to say'..fuck man..im not gona scold monan for tt..i wun..but im juz so scared..tt one day he will molest me or touch me whr i feel uncomfortable..i hate it wen guys juz touch me for nothing..esp guys whom i hate n feel uncomfy wid..i really dun lyk it..but im juz so frightened it will happen wid the way he has been behaving..n its freaking me out..i really feel lyk juz crying..cuz i feel lyk a loser..does anyone haf any idea wad to do??
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:46 PM