Sunday, October 28, 2007
3 years 8 months and 12 days.i love you to death.i love you so much.i just love you.
God for the past few days or rather weeks i have asked you for only one thing.2 things for this weekend actually.but once my brother comes back safely from sarawak you know i still have that only one prayer.and God please just fulfill this prayer of mine.you know how much i have cried and prayed and cried and prayed.please help me this once God.
it has only been 2 days and it is unbearable for me really.my brother also feels it.my brothers says we should go check it out next tuesday once my brother is home.i think ultimately i just will.
and throughout this period i really needed my friends.but then again as usual they all just go missing.i didn't need you telling me to just cry OR to just let go OR it is ok.because when you tell me to just cry it feels like an obligation.because when you tell me to just let go you so don't know what you are saying.because when you tell me it is ok it totally isn't.it is not!what you could have done was come over on thursday and just stayed with me till it was done.and then after that just mourn with me or let me mourn till i am fine.what scares me is that no one here seems to be mourning or crying whereas i keep tearing and crying every time i think about it.
right now i really do want to move away from my family.if i had my own house,car and my own dogs,things would be fine.
and God i always thought people would think i am crazy if i ever said that i just want a hug only from you.from up above.but God i don't care anymore.i need it really.
can someone along the way of his/her life lose the capacity to love?i mean seriously?because i am 100% sure my mum has lost it.
i know i will cry again tonight.and i will cry until my wounds are healed and i find that i have got someone behind me once again.i have lost hope.i am disgusted by my mother.i feel loneliness.i feel my heart wrenching every time i think of him.i just want him back.to give him one more hug and one more kiss.actually i want him back for good.
God really take away the pain,worry and guilt.please God.
i //young of the butterfly// you 12:31 AM