Sunday, October 07, 2007
the last damn thing you want to do when you come home after two nights in a row of
not being home is to shout at your brother just because you feel 'mood-out'.
which is just what exactly i did.screw me.
it amuses me to know that i actually danced with a primary school sinda friend after a whole decade.he was my primary 3 sinda friend.i remember how me n uma pretty much tortured the hell out of him.or was it the other way round?we 3 just used to irritate the hell out of each other.then after 7 years he got attached to one of my friends.that didn't last and now he met janani on friendster.so me jan and his ex-gf all decided to club together.he had no clue that his ex was going to be there with jan.but it was funny.i saw him like telling jan that clare was his ex and he looked freaked.very funny i tell you.and then all three of us danced with him for a few songs.it was funny.i mean 10 years of not even talking and suddenly one night of clubbing and we actually update each other?weird and funny.
i hope that when you are re-incarnated,you are re-incarnated as a dog.i hope that your owners cage you up day and night.i hope they don't show you any love.i hope they don't ever go near you.BUT i want them to buy you and STILL keep you because i want you to feel it.you bloody motherfucking bitch.or maybe in your old age,i should cage you up.and not ever go near you and don't give two flying fucks about you.when i break finally i will call the SPCA with or without your bloody fucking permission.i cannot tolerate it anymore.you,you fucking mother,you cannot even fucking love your children so obviously how will you love a dog?you can just go and fuck and die for all i fucking care.just fuck and die motherfucking bitch.i realised after all this time i cannot look my aunties in their face or eyes and talk because i feel guilty and ashamed and restricted.i am trying my best not to feel anything.but i cannot.i am not strong enough.after 3 months things are pretty much scattered around.and i guess what we all need is just a small miracle.or perhaps a change of my mother's heart would do the trick.everytime i meet my relatives memories flood my mind and love floods my heart.i cannot control my emotions when it comes to them because i love them all so much.meeting suse auntie in the mornings is fine because it is just a 30-40minutes journey.perhaps why i keep putting off meeting sathesh is because i know spending that time with him is going to leave me with wanting more and for all i know there will be another 3 months gap before i get to see him again.overnight studying with suta and logita just left me wanting to cry because whether they accept it or not i
have grown apart from them.but we still want to study together again next weekend.i don't want them coming here because i cannot deal with the attitude my mother is going to show them.i just hope that next weekend i will be fine.
people misinterpret me a lot and it is funny when that happens.
i //young of the butterfly// you 12:37 PM