Friday, April 27, 2007
i have been doing invigilation for the past 2 days for my favourite class.and they have just been nothing but plain idiots.well most of them at least.they have been talking during my invigilation.but you see i am not really bothered because i know that they are not talking about the content/answers of their exam papers.they are just crapping like how they do during normal lessons.today they kind of almost got caught.or at least one boy did.i do not know what is going to happen.i just hope he does not fail that paper.well lecture time from me again on monday.
i have got marking to do.4 classes of comprehension,editing and cloze passage.hope to be done by this week so i can help out with niva's marking.i just wish i was marking my normal class one as well.
hope he joins the soccer tournament.
i am dead tired but i do not want to sleep.i do not know why.
shopping with niva again tomorrow.i need to get a few things.so hope i do.besides i need to meet zana to get my mascara.i now own the complete set of LAKME SHEER COLOUR EYESHADOW.i find it fascinating.i want MORE!
i am really at an emotional low.i notice myself being how i was 2 years ago which is not a very good sign.matters of my mother is just getting to my head.my head is feeling more and more painful nowadays.i am totally losing my appetite.
i need anger management classes.or maybe rage management classes.because i cannot control my rage.i have been locked up in my room since 7pm.it is now 11.30pm.i did that because i went fucking mad just now.i needed to 'cage' myself up.both my brothers caused it.and i pretty much cannot hate them though i would love to.
how can you love someone so much,do everything for them,go to the ends of the world for them,protect them,fight for them,defend them, and love them after knowing that they couldn't care less about you?you do all this KNOWING that they are never going to love you back the same way.you do all this IN THE HOPE that someday they will come to realise it.i will say that i am very tired out by it.but people will say this '3 years is no big deal.some even wait for 10 years or more'.so i will still try but i know that with all this crap comes A LOT of tears from my part.i know that when i cannot handle things and i feel like giving up i will break down and cry.and then i will curse myself for not trying and then try harder again.and then give up again and cry.its a cycle for me.and i guess it has become so routine that i just do it anyway.
i told you it is an emotional low.someone help me cut down on my chocolate/sweet/sugar/ice cream in take..i need help.im growing fatter and expanding width-wise.im turning to this junk for comfort.im dead.
have i ever ended with a sad face?here goes.
): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ):
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:44 PM