Monday, April 02, 2007
i am lucky to seriously have God's angel by my side.God's angel equals to zana.
you know what mother of mine?you are so fucking lucky that zana is the world's most understanding person.you are so fucking lucky that zana is not a guy.you are so fucking lucky that zana ALWAYS looks on the bright side of things.you seriously are fucking lucky that she is the only thing that is stopping me from killing you.you are seriously fucking lucky that she is the only thing that is stopping me from even hurting you.
listen up world.today 2nd april 2007.my mother told my auntie im lesbian.HAHAHAHAH.joke.wait the best is yet to come.she told my auntie that zana is using black magic to make me so close to her.Oh silly little mother of mine.don't you understand what is pure love for a friend?don't you understand what is trust?don't you understand what is friendship?i sit down here and cry and laugh at the same time.you know why?you will never know how sorry i feel for you and how much i want to hate you for this.
understand this mother.I LOVE ZANA.period.i don't treat her as my lesbian partner.as a matter of fact she is the only one who seems to understand me perfectly.the one who loves me for who i am.the one who will always be there no matter what.the one who helps me out of things.the one who is willing to listen.the one who shares her home with me.the one whose family treats me with love and respect.the one who is MY EVERYTHING.something that YOU are supposed to be and you are not but make noise when someone else takes over the role.but let me get this straight.my mind is on the right track.i have no 'weird' feelings for zana.i so totally cannot think of zana as my lesbian partner and vice versa.we're just really good friends.i treat her like my angel from God.i don't know if she thinks of me the same but i know she loves me a lot.
after i told zana what you thought this is what she said "hahaha tell your mum that i don't need black magic.just that you have given me your trust and friendship willingly.by the way tell her she is lucky i ain't a guy".see mother.see how pure she is?how NOT to love her?
understand this mother.there are MANY MANY MANY different kinds of love.MANY.
mother-daughter.mother-son.father-daughter.father-son.friend-friend.girl-boy.grandmother-grandson.grandmother-granddaughter.auntie-niece.auntie-nephew.
SO MANY la.SO MANY u shit.me and zana.its just friend to friend love.UNDERSTAND that.her mother does not think anything sick of me you know.her mother thinks of me as her own daughter.in fact she has said MANY times 'you and zana are one to me.there is no difference between you two.she is my daughter.you are also my daughter'.she loves me as a daughter.can't you do the fucking same for zana?ok if not love her just fucking accept her as your daughter's friend.
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you know what's the best part?zana laughed.zana's mother will also probably laugh.i should be laughing.i will laugh when i see the humour in this.right now i think you are mad.i want to hate you for thinking in such a way.i want to slap you.i want to knock some sense into you.but you know what?you really are not worth it.not the slightest bit.not at all.i don't even know if i hate you right now.i really don't know.i feel more love for suse auntie and zana's mother than i do for you.that's for sure mother.
right now i am unsure of whether to cry or laugh or not feel anything.
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:58 PM