Sunday, January 07, 2007
dya kno wad it feels lyk to haf hatred and fucking rage coursing thru ur veins instead of blood?u dun?juz be me for one day n live wid my mum..juz one day..it'll be enuff to leave u wid hatred n rage flowing thru u for ur entire life n maybe 7 generations after tt..
NOW..wad she does..is..tell me..she doesnt want..me n my bros..to attend..my cousins ROM!..fucking shit..BITCH..BITCH..BITCH..my auntie told me to come cuz apparently all the cousins r gona go..u DO NOT COME N FUCKING TELL ME NOT TO ATTEND THE ROM!!!!..bitch..how many fucking times u gona fucking do this?the first time my grandauntie fell ill u called me n FUCKING SCOLDED me for WANTING to go visit her..n the only reason why u let us go tt day was cuz evrybody said she was gona die tt night..bitch wad the bloody fuck is wrong wid u..seriously?..how abt this k..if all the aunties told their children NOT to come for my ROM?..ud obviously be happier cuz then the fucking money tt u saved wldnt fucking go to waste..then how abt this..wen YOU are dying i DUN allow my children to see u?..how wld u feel?..nice feeling huh?..this is how much i bloody hate u..
why the fuck are u trying to drive me crazy?..u want me fucking out of the hse..lemme fucking kno..i will leave..gosh..dya kno ur seriously torturing me in evry serious way possible..i feel lyk im seriously going MAD..actually i dun even kno mad's the word for it..evrytime u shout or nag i feel lyk taking u n juz throwing u against the wall so tt u'd shut up FOREVER...evrytime u tell me NOT to do smth i wish i had the fucking courage to tell u to shut ur fucking trap..
actually i juz wish i had the courage to tell u how i feel abt living in this hse..i wish i had the courage to tell u shld lessen ur naggings cuz its driving me crazy bit by bit..
ARGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSssss..i wish id die..so tt i will stop cursing her..cuz as long as i live i will be hating her n cursing her..n i wana stop it..
now i wonder whr this hatred came frm..wen 2 or 3 yrs ago i realised tt i loved her..i duno how the love juz turned into hatred..i kno this is bad cuz im hating her lyk how i used to hate her in sec2..which was juz plain bad..instead of wishing her to die,now id rather i die..cuz if i die nobody wld care..my family wldnt even realise someone's missing..whereas if she died..the family prolly wldnt run n my dad wld e extremely hurt..so i juz wish long lives for them..for all of them..n i wish i wld die soon enuff..car accident..suicide..fire..drown..whatever..let me fucking juz die ok..
sunday morning..the Holy Sabbath Day..ppl r supposed to be holy..im trying to change..praying..n reading the teens bible evryday..im trying to get God back into my life..but i think Satan seriously has a hold over me alrdy..n at 1109 hrs im sitting at the com..cursing n swearing at my mum..half the fucking day isnt even over yet..God is so putting me in the lowest most bottom level of hell..n burning me so badly for eternity..
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:48 AM