Sunday, January 14, 2007
i've 85% cleaned my room..YAY me!!..finally got down to it..now i juz gotta wipe,sweep n mop..n then i will be able to SLEEP in my blessed room..next job..painting it white..n finding sme space to paint ARIEL on it.. (: ..n hopefully a graffiti wall behind my door..evrybody can scribble stuff on it wen they come on deepavali..or after ive set aside space for tt wall u can drop in anytime n graffiti the wall (: ..
its a gd thing i haven got a car actually..cuz then this whole wkend i wld haf driven myself AWAY frm home..away frm evrybody..esp on sun..but then again i think my dad wldnt ever trust me wid the car..so thr goes ALL my escapades if we ever get a car..
but then i suddenly feel so powerful having the license..weeeeeee.. (: the dream of owning a PINK or PEACOCK GREEN jaguar one day keeps me happy..n evrytime i see a jaguar on the roads i feel lyk im nearer to actually owning one.. (:
k erm today..i accidentally let it slip to my mum wad my auntie said to me..which i WASNT at all supposed to tell my mum..my mum isnt at all happy wid my cousin's ROM/dinner date..which is the eve eve of cny or smth..n e worst shit is tt we hafta go msia for the dinner..my mum doesnt wana go for both cuz she says its too difficult to apply leave..but then my pnt is this..if u dun go for the ROM/dinner wld u be ok if they oso dun turn up for my ROM/dinner..this is my mum AND dad's ans:YEA WE'D BE OK...u guys can go make ANY judgement u want abt my mum but NOT abt my dad..so thr i sat in shock..by the way this was going on at roughly close to ten in the morn..my mum said tt its so unfair for my cousin to haf fixed this on such an inconvenient date/day..ARGHSSSS..my pnt is tt my mum THINKS im BAD for talkin to my aunties 'behind her back'..n then she says stuff lyk 'oh yea of course now im the villain'..'now obviously id be bad to evrybody cuz i dun wana go..im lyk tt wad'..wad dya call this??.her trying to make me feel guilty..i duno if it is but yes it is making me feel COMPLETELY guilty..for wad?..cuz my aunties do seem to think she is bad for not wanting to attend the first wedding among all the cousins..cuz my aunties do seem to think she is bad for not being willing enuff to take leave on tt day..cuz evrybody seems to think tt way..n she feels lyk she is at the losing end..its at times lyk this i realise whr I get MY thinking frm..my beloved crazy mum..its VERY frustrating..cuz i actually do wana go for the ROM n dinner cuz i want to..n partially cuz i DUN want my relatives not turning up at my ROM or wedding dinner..hell no..but i duno how to make my mum see reason..n wads worse my darling brothers taking my mum's side in all of this..shit shit shit..n wads worse-er than worse?...my darling dad is also on my mum's side...so im left all alone..to try n get my pnt across..which my mum still isnt accepting..hais..
n i woke up to hearing my mum on the fone wid HER mum..n both of them arguing i think..or perhaps juz having a 'heated' discussion..in the morn at abt 9+ again i think..its VERY annoying cuz my grandma was SO obviously complaining abt me..more specifically my disgusting dirty pig sty of a room..i wish i could actually tell this to EVERYBODY who dares comment on my prev dirty room..'i wish evry single one of u wld fuck[or to be nicer SOD] off..cuz i live in the fucking room..NOT u..so why dya hafta fucking comment?..no one is asking u to live in it either..n besides its not as if ur concerned abt my health or smth..u juz DUN lyk the sight of my room cuz its dirty..juz shut up n piss off'..yes fucking hell..its my room why does anybody else bother dammit?..my grandma was complaining abt my room to my mum while she was in BUKIT PANJANG at tt precise time..wad the bloody fucking fuck?...i was so annoyed i wish i cld haf shouted at my grandma..n the best part she wasnt even toking to me..why oh why did she hafta bring up the subject of my room?..it is VERY annoying..it juz pisses me off..its been pissing me off cuz almost EVERYBODY nags me abt my room.u wana kno the goddamn fucking truth..lemme tell u the goddamn fucking truth..the state of my room ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS reflects my mind..the only reason why i was ok enuff to clean up the room this wkend was BECAUSE i had smth to genuinely be happy abt..i felt happy n not messed up or once..because id got my license..because i got it in one attempt..because i can laugh at EVERYBODY who said tt i drive at 20km/h or EVERYBODY who said tt i wun pass it the first time around..my room is always in a bloody fucking mess wen i feel fucking messed up..ALWAYS..i noticed..zana noticed..chris noticed..ttz more than enuff so shut ur traps all those who wana comment on my room..god..the room has been lyk a pig sty eversince the start of the As..n it remained lyk tt all the way till this wkend..n trust me if i hadnt gotten my license i wldnt haf bothered..well yea juz had to get tt anger out..n then yea my grandma comments on our dressing n our hairstyles..n she practically cries wen she sees my hair cuz its so fucking thin..wad can i do?..she makes noise even wen we spend money..i duno how long im gona be able to keep my trap shut n not say anything against her..cuz really a lot of things abt the family is wearing me out..
oh yea n the highlight of the day was wen i told my mum how she is exactly lyk her mum n my mum COMPLETELY denied..i laughed in her face n told her in my best cracked up voice possible 'wad a joke'..wad a total fucking joke..obsession wid money?..her GRUMPINESS?..her moodswings?..her CONSTANT nagging?..please tell me again tt u r NOT at all lyk ur mum..accept the fact tt ur at least 75% lyk ur mum dammit..at least i accept it..in fact im ALMOST 100% lyk u..i WAS in denial but wad the hell..its fucking true man..k i shall not force a woman who is going thru menopause to believe tt she is exactly lyk her mum cuz she prolly has issues wid her mum juz lyk how i do..'
its 9 on sun...im going to sch tmw wid 15 grammar ws n 80 summaries to greet me..GREAT..n ive got abt 12 grammar ws here to mark..n i haven marked them..n i haven planned my wkly lessons..n i haven picked out wad to wear tmw..cuz all my pants r too ugly..im waiting to taper them..
i haven written in my diary for a long time..i almost feel guilty for giving my blog more attention than i do to my diary..im weird i kno..
my mum brought up the topic of my A level results for the first time this yr..n for the first time this yr i got reminded tt i haf yet to receive the results..ive kinda been on cloud 9 since fri n this brought me down to cloud 7..hopefully my bday will push it up to cloud 9 again...k anyway i told my mum of my plans of not going to collect the results n asking my teacher to msg my mum..my mum told me not to give her diarrhea whilst she is working..k anyway thrs this nagging feeling tt if i do manage to get into a uni i will never be able to fit in properly..it scares me..im not even matured or smart enuff to get into a uni..but say i do?..then how..im juz really really scared..u kno my 1st yr in CJ was hell cuz i was so alone..i guess im juz scared tt it will happen again wen i enter uni..n thrs othr stuff which i got totally no guts to say here..i shall juz keep it all in for awhile..
n smehow rite now i feel lyk crying..not cuz of this..but smth else..thanks a lot man..
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:20 PM