Wednesday, December 27, 2006
so christmas sucked..or rather going to chris's hse sucked..ive given up..ive prolly broken a new record n ttz to haf 'broken up' wid 3 friends...3 really wonderful great friends..ive done this in a span of 1 yr..initially i didnt feel the loss..but now i am..cuz its definitely NOT coincidence wen jay's in spore currently,priya smses me abt smth n chris riting me a letter..
i made plans..for my 19th bday n for chris's 20th bday..since id be earning nxt yr onwards i thot id bring chris out on my bday..celebrate wid her..treat her to lunch in an expensive place then bring her shopping after tt n get her stuff..n id spend the whole day wid her n tt wld be juz perfect..then i planned tt on her bday id give her a REALLY great surprise since she always wanted one but never got it..n i planned tt id make things perfect for her..but no these plans juz went down the drain..n lemme juz say these r juz 2 of the MANY plans id had in store for us..
but i guess its time for me to realise tt i really am not the top priority for chris unlike how much she is for me..i would die for her if need be..n trust me it does not at all sound cliched to me..but well things turned out wrong i guess..i gave zana the letter to keep cuz i kno tt if its in my hse,id MAKE myself read it n cry n do shit to myself..nothing has happened so far..well its only been lyk wad a day or 2?..so wad the hell..u cant say rite..thrs still my whole life to go on..only maybe without her..
n i really cannot be bothered if ppl r gona think tt my life is prolly gona stop or be put on hold cuz of her..it is definitely gona be vry badly affected..id haf lost a dear fren..someone i do ALL my shopping wid..someone i watch movies wid..someone whom i confide in a lot..someone whom i trust wid my faith..someone whom i love so bloody much i juz duno how to show it to her..of course life wld prolly stop or be put on hold..but lets juz say im too stunned or shocked or maybe disgusted to even react rite now..i kno the tears n stuff will come later..prolly on the eve of new year wen i realise no one's gona be wid me..n prolly on my bday which i was really looking forward to cuz i had smth perfect planned out..
wads prolly funny is the fact tt chris prolly would never understand how much this has affected n will affect me..she prolly would never realise how lost i feel..cuz for her life hasnt been stopped or put on hold..cuz i was prolly never one of her top priorities..cuz she wldnt feel anything as long as she has her ppl wid her..i kno tt for a fact..
but for now as long as i dun cry n do stupid things to myself i shall be contented..i will try my vry best to overcome all this myself..its high time i do it myself..
i really really could do wid a fren rite now..
n i really really could do wid some cheering up..
anybody?
i //young of the butterfly// you 2:29 AM