Thursday, November 16, 2006
And Hansel said to Gretel, let us drop these breadcrumbs so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. This year I lost my way.
And losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.
The journey lasted eight months. Sometimes I travelled alone. Sometimes, there were others
who took the wheel and took my heart. But when the destination was reached...it wasn't me who arrived. It wasn't me at all.
And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: find the person you used to be...or...lose that person completely.
Because, sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. And remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be.
There are two tragedies in life: one is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
I lost myself this year. And what I did, I lost the people I truly care about.
Suddenly, it felt wrong that you weren't there.
I realise now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are, and that pain you feel...it's life. The confusion and fear...that's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.
As we strain to grasp the things we desire. The things we think will make our lives better...money, popularity, fame. We ignore what truly matters...the simple things like friendship, family, love. The things we probably already had.
Yeah, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire...It's all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic...then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.
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im learning a lot of things as e yr comes to an end..it really opens up my eyes to a lot of things..initially this yr i thot i was matured..i wld be able to defend myself from anything..but unfortunately LIL MISS DEFENSIVE was juz wrong..i realise tt i may have made MANY foolish mistakes this yr..but i wonder were they really mistakes or blessings in disguise?cuz wen i think abt it more n more i feel they're all actually blessings..
then everthing hits me again..how STUPID ive been this past yr..happiness...its smth tt belongs to evrybody..nobody has a right to deprive ppl of their happiness..but very unfortunately in this cruel world ppl do tt all the time..so all this while ive been letting ppl deprive me of my happiness..making me think they're all impt..but im learning tt after all they arent..learning it the real hard way..not ALL are worth ur happiness n love..zana told me tt i easily let ppl deprive me of my happiness..so i make a promise to find at least 10 minutes in a day to be happy..10 minutes out of 1440 minutes are a day..i will..n niva says they'll learn the hard way..well i guess karma works its way into evrybody's live as well huh?
i dun lyk being a fake..i dun lyk being a hypocrite..but i kno n believe tt evrybody has their good n bad pnts..n in a way evrybody's a hypocrite,fake n what nots as well..but i try my best to not show tt side of me..n i dun lyk doing things wen i dun do it whole heartedly..really dun lyk it..n im not exactly MISS SOCIAL BUTTERFLY either..n perhaps u guys haven noticed but my social circle nowadays has really shrunk a lot..smehow it doesnt matter to me..as long as i still got myself i think i shld be ok..n wen i dun lyk a person i duno if i actually show it but if i do im sorry..but well i juz cant hide it..
n this yr ive 'lost' [well in a sense] a few ppl..those whom ive held dearly to my heart..but right now..wen i think of those ppl..ive got no feelings..maybe i juz live in the moment..if u happen to be thr in the moment - good..if u dun happen to be thr in the moment - take it whatever way u want to cuz i aint gona say bad...but i duno..maybe deep down inside it all hurts a lot..i juz haven let it out yet..i kno i haven..n wen i break i juz hope its not in front of ppl or not at ppl..
guys..they're complex creatures..juz lyk how they think girls r complex..yea well..in a certain sense i'll never understand guys..cuz of a lot of reasons..n im starting to think maybe guys not being perceptive enuff is a gd thing cuz then they get along wid ppl pretty well...lyk smebody once said 'guys can BOND over a soccer ball'..in a sense its gd i think..but recently its got me wondering abt lotsa stuff..e guys ive met..all range frm bastardly fuckers[literally] to real precious gems..but im confused cuz even the precious gems seem a bit not 'gem-mish'..a bit off..i duno..im not blaming them..i still think they're precious gems..but its juz tt when my perception n their perception dun match it kinda ruins/hurts/complicates the frenship..n thing is im not one who talks it out esp wid guys..so its difficult for me..n ive decided tt i will let it go..i will..eventually..n i guess after As wld be a gd time..
i //young of the butterfly// you 2:36 AM