im a lil butterfly (:

Thursday, May 25, 2006

sat
spent the day wid my darling JAY..i think ttz wad made my day..cant recall anything else...

sun
i did the stupidest thing ever again..i forfeited a $67+++ driving lesson...which i SWEAR to God i will NEVER EVER do again..NEVER...its juz tt day i REALLY cldnt bring myself to go driving..i duno y..but i juz COULDNT at all...felt totally lyk fuck..really lyk shit...
in the afternoon went cwp...cuz i had to meet chris...met char as well...wid jay..jan cldnt make it cuz she had to go for sme SINDA thingie..well yea..but then wen me n jay were sitting at the shelter n toking n we saw jan walking home..haha..looking so pretty n hot.. (: haha..jan jan...sucha nut..n she was playing wid the umbrella lyk it was her gun..see she is mad!

mon
omg omg the whole day i was SO fricking happy..u kno why u kno why??..i was so damn excited at the thought of meeting clare n jolene n mel..mans...n the whole 2/1 gathering thing..OMG...so damn exciting..haha..2/1 kaes...our sec 2 class..hais...well not many came..say abt 15 i think..yea...it was so fun..i juz missed evryone SO damn much..esp JOLENE PINKS N CLARE...tho i see pinks in sch evryday in sch.. (: i missed LENE so damn bloody much man..since lyk last yr we din tok..n CLARE MY DEAREST HUSBAND...missed her oso.. hais..n then thr was this annoying bloody bitchy waitress...i really hope they sacked her alrdy...judith went to make a complaint..or isit complain...mel help pls...haha...anyways yea..stupid bitch la...but then we girls still had fun...im SO DAMN BLOODY HAPPY...haha...took photos...haven uploaded them yet tho..sorry ppl..soon..
then after tt went to jo's hse before meeting sara n udaya n going home together...went to wdlds to meet monan..(: ...yea..haha...was wid him till 3++...went home called him..n ended up slping at lyk 4++...n ya la as usual felt super tired n drained the nxt day..n so sorry to udaya...cuz she got home late cuz of me i think..sorry girl...

tues
was fri's timetable..played B-ball again..haha..i enjoyed myself..but really tired myself today..n was fricking rough..haha..as usual..sorry people..no hard feelings kaes.. (:
then today i din stay back for night study..instead left wid udaya n went novena..then met my darling zana.. (: went home wid her..n toked...cuz i really needed to..i was feeling damn bloody upset on tues cuz of mon night...n OMG staying up till 4+++ was damn bloody tiring man...the nxt day i was DEAD..
but the highlight was GELARE..omg...it was meant to be a class outing..but in the end me michelle yijie audrey pearl n bryan went...gosh it was fun toking..haha..i got to kno SO much of stuff...quite interesting...i realise im lyk damn outdated la..haha..but it was fun toking..tho i was SUPER tired..hais...

wed
stayed back for night study..tho today i was super tired oso...managed to do a bit of work..left early again to meet zana dearest...anyway udaya left early again so yea...nothing much happened today..k yea.
.i kno ms chok's really concerned for me..she spoke to me again today..i really dun lyk ppl being concerned for/abt me really..i get scared by it...dun ask..even my own mum doesnt really give a damn abt me u see..so yea..but i juz hope ms chok doesnt call my mum up..really..hais.

thurs
BLESSED BIRTHDAY GRACE PRIYA JOESPH!!...went for dinner wid her...finally after lyk how many months im meeting her...lil jeba came along n so did shobana...haha..missed ruby tho..but yea...it was juz nice being thr...cuz i missed priya so much..hais..
morn had econs tuition in udaya's hse..then slacked in udaya's hse...slept for quite a bit too..goodness i never knew i was tt tired..well anyway read sme GP stuff...thot abt sme essay questions..then rushed home so i cld meet priya..

freaking out for tmw...SO BADLY..n this is the first time..hais..i duno..

im waiting for this sun..cuz im gona go back wid jay jan kart n fariha most prolly to see mr muthu..miss him SO much..been lyk HOW long since we met him...go n celebrate his bday..juz a small one i guess.. (: ..cant wait..n MR JEFF refuses to reply my sms..hope he din change no really..n i hope ash skips tuition or postpones it to come on sun..or at least come lata..

duno if we r going for movie tmw after the GP paper..but dun think i will go anyway...cuz of the GM play..dun feel lyk going for the damn play anymore..so rush..n its so fcking early la..bloody hell..

fought wid my bros juz now..im hurt so badly..but i duno wad to do or how to help myself..but i juz wana try n not think abt it anymore for now..im the one who always gets it in the end..so wad can i do abt it..i think i AM truly the black sheep of the family..i ought to do smth to me.......hais...forget it la..evryday i come home to nobody...i mean its not my fault tt i wana stay for night study really..i need to..cuz i CANT study at hm...n wen i come home evrybody's slping..it makes me feel lyk a stranger in the family..then come wkends..i still dun tok to anybody cuz they all juz avoid me..esp my parents...i dun think ive ever said tis publicly but i honestly think im deprived of love...say whatever u want..think whatever u want...but this is wad i feel..n even at 18 yrs of age i feel lyk my family life has been vry unsatisfactory/unfulfilling..it sucks...i duno...i need to let evrything out cuz i cannot keep the hurt anymore...i really cannot..

i din go back to IJ in the end..i miss tt place so damned much..esp susa n mrs alex..i so need to go back thr one day..

btw im missing jay lyk hell..i juz duno why..i think its the realisation tt june is coming n tt she will be leaving..God..i duno...im at a loss now..i cant stop her frm going...but i juz hope we dun distance..jay i really love u tho we haf got practically no time to spend wid each othr now..i promise i will try to meet u as much as possible frm now till u leave k..cuz i love u A LOT...n i juz miss u i duno y...i think wad we talked abt on sun really made me feel closer to u...thanks for opening up even tt lil bit of u..

n monan will be leaving at the end of the month..im gona miss him lyk hell again.. :(

n im looking forward to CIP on mon..but now..the J1s are all lyk backing out cuz of make up lects n all tt shit...hais..i really hope they'll skip the lects n come for the CIP instead..im looking forward to it truly..n i hope they do not let us down...

im feeling the need to distance frm sme ppl again..n i do not lyk tt feeling..i will kill myself if i do it again..

26thmay06
on this day we were supposed to do RUTHRA 06...smth tt we were looking forward to since dec..but got rejected MANY times by fcking bastard of a teacher..i juz wished we WERE doing it..it wld haf been great fun n it wld haf been a REALLY good experience too..but sadly it aint happening.. :(

i //young of the butterfly// you 11:47 PM