Saturday, April 22, 2006
the feeling of hatred was so goddamn fcking strong today..God...PE today juz sucked..i wanted to throw the fcking basketball in his fcking face..i wanted to punch him so bad...i wanted to SPIT at him..n i wanted to call him a FCKING BASTARD...wtf is wrong wid his fcking shitface...u kno 'failing' my napfa once again makes me feel lyk the biggest fcking loer on the face of tis earth..n i guess i will CONTINUE being a failure...i mean i juz wanted a silver for my NAPFA..nothing else..n juz cuz of pull ups i cldnt get it..well fine..if ttz the case then so be it...im juz a fcking failure n a fcking loser...n its juz me i cannot accept the failing n losing part...esp wen i set a proper standard for myself...i still cant achieve it..im a fcking loser...i went to the toilet n cried...i shld haf juz rebelled n stayed thr the whole PE lesson...motherfucker..i hate him i swear..i juz hate him..
after sch had to go for my BTT...i swear i panicked the whole time...tt was another reason y i broke down earlier on in the day...but then haha..i PASSED it miraculously...was so happy tt i forgot to be happy..but anyway yea..i need to apply for my PDL asap...but dun think i'll be allowed on the roads anyway..hehe..cuz i might cause an accident..
anyway been spending PLENTY of time wid niva tis wk..u kno after wad i heard frm her being wid her gives me a sense of security..n we've had LOADS of catching up to do..well now tt things r bit clearer i guess im a bit clearer as well..but anyhow im still a bit confused n messed up..im scared...its a bit hard to let go wen uve lyk put almost evrything in it...it is difficult..n i guess ttz how it is for me..i knew i wld be hurt but i din kno tis soon...haha..quite funny actually..but im not hurt to the pnt of depression..not worth it..but yea..thank God nives caught me before i fell..thankful for tt really..
went out wid my class girls yest...was really fun..haha...i enjoyed myself i did...n we toked abt quite a lot of stuff esp 1T09..n i found out tt they knew abt my old blog add..quite funny u kno actually..i duno..i hated the class so much last yr..but tis yr suddenly evrything is so much better..i was really so so surprised..n even now wen i think abt it i find it pretty funny tt i hated it so much last yr..maybe its the overall environment..evrything's changed tis yr honestly...but i think maybe the biggest change was having denesh n kohila here..it makes me really VERY happy to see them in sch evryday..i guess ttz y things in CJ changed..
looking forward to the band concert tmw..seeing nives n sara play..needing to buy them chocs n flowers...n im toking to ish online now..he is damn entertaining seriously...n ohoh the convo juz got deep.... ):
i //young of the butterfly// you 12:18 AM