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another screw up juz happened..my BT trial has expired so i HAFTA retake the BT trial in order to take my BTT...so now i hafta re-study my theory ALL over again..my goodness..im really gona brk down..tis whole driving thing SUCKS really...its draining me so badly...the theory part esp..oh man..how fcked up can tis get?..n anybody willing to follow me for my BTTs??...i think im gona need the support...
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had my 2nd driving today...good Lord...u haf ANY idea how goddamn fricking demoralised i was after driving..i wanted to juz throw myself in front of a car n knock myself down or smth..i felt SO SO SO stupid..i stalled the car EIGHT-FUCKING-TEEN times today..18!!!!! on the goddamn 2nd lesson wen i only stalled it 4-5 times the 1st lesson...its seriously the damned fear ttz stopping me frm progressing...n i swear if they bring me on the roads,im gona be the FIRST student to make history by causing an accident..I SWEAR...i felt so damn physically-emotionally-mentally drained after tt..i wanted to CRY my eyes out for torturing myself..i wasnt even paying attn to wad the instructor was saying..i was TOO focused on the road...i din even kno tt he was actually asking me questions...could u believe tt?...hello praveena wad the HELL is wrong wid u?..seriously..u haf no damned idea how STUPID i felt..i really wanted to cry so badly cuz i felt so useless...n i hate the DAMNED clutch...fck tt shit man..seriously...my left thigh HURTS frm pressing it ALL the time..n the instructor today made me feel demoralised n stupid...he said tt i had no initiative cuz i din change gear myself unless he told me to..DUH!...i was too frightened to even use the 2nd gear ok...do u haf any idea how nervous i am?..i mean seriously u can fcking change to 2nd gear within lyk 3 secs...im SLOW n NERVOUS n SCARED n evrything else ok..i CANT do it yet...god driving SERIOUSLY scares the shit out of me esp wen i see the othr cars around me..i mean im scared of being the one who causes the accident...n he made me change lanes today..myself..tt one made me PANIC lyk hell kaes..cuz i was supposed to check ALL the mirrors to make sure i wasnt gona hit any cars...but tt seriously slipped my mind so i din..n he was telling me in an impatient voice..GOODNESS pls be patient wid me i beg of u...i REALLY wana learn driving but i AM stupid n slow so pls be patient...seriously DUN use tt tone on me cuz it makes me feel SO damn bloody stupid,useless n demoralised..ARGHS!!!..how am i EVER gona learn?..my auntie's really nice..she says tt one day she is gona lend me her car n my uncle knows whr we can prac so he is gona bring me thr one day n help me..cuz he knows how to drive a lorry,van,bike,car,EVERYTHING ok...so he is gona help me..thank God..
so grandma's back..am really SOOOOOOOOOO happy...got NEW saris too..but UNFORTUNATELY they're green..i HATE green..bloody hell..mother la...HELLOOOO...PRAVEENA'S LYK IN LOVE WID PINK...GET ME A PINK SARI WILL U??....anyways yea..n my grandma's staying for long long...which is really good.. (: anyway yest bday's celebration was ok..but i was hurt by wad they all said abt me...well...the ones u love the MOST haf the power to hurt u the MOST as well..n wad they said made my self esteem go even lower than the lower it alrdy is...so yea..i feel lyk fuck once again..i feel ugly n fat n stupid n useless..
my biological clock is ALL screwed up..not enough rest AT ALL...eating WAY too much..stressed out again..migraines...cough n phlegm still NOT going away..really feeling SO stressed up...duno whether to stay for night study anymore...
finally kart came online after SO long...n
~*SlAcKeR*~...r u mad?? haha sounds familiar?...omg i cant believe she sed tt!! says:
y shld u hav a low self esteem
~*SlAcKeR*~...r u mad?? haha sounds familiar?...omg i cant believe she sed tt!! says:
ur're pretty...
~*SlAcKeR*~...r u mad?? haha sounds familiar?...omg i cant believe she sed tt!! says:
ur're funny.....cute... great fren hu'll b ther wen no one else is...
~*SlAcKeR*~...r u mad?? haha sounds familiar?...omg i cant believe she sed tt!! says:
u approach evrything in a mindset tt u cn do it n u r gonna do it...
im so touched she said all tt cuz it made me feel happier...n sara really made my day last night..how ironic but at least tt sad mood was lifted...im glad tt thr are SOME ppl who actually haf tt small bit of faith in me..n yea ive been hurt again by ppl...haha..i duno y i bother wid them...kart said they cld be faking it or maybe they were judging me based on 1 incident..i really duno wad it is n y they said all those shit abt me...but im juz trying to ignore it..i mean after all they are NOT tt impt to me...n now i kno wad shits they are so y bother heeding them?.
well anyways back to sch tmw.. :(
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:27 PM