u kno tis kinda stupid cuz i kno why im feeling this way but its kinda impossible for me to say it out..n wen i tell ppl they laugh it off or tell me to juz forget it..i duno but im starting to feel depressed again..its not a vry nice feeling really..i oso duno...i feel lyk i need to cry but i juz feel tt i cant anymore..n im starting to distance myself frm ppl somemore...its horrible..but im doing it again..back to square one again i guess...
u kno at this time again i feel lost..so lost..but im not changing or doing anything abt it...cuz i really haf no clue wad to do..man..it really sucks...i mean i really dun understand life...its juz so damn bloody complicated..n im really quite sick of it u kno..i mean wtf la im 18 n im still so fricking childish..i really hate it..i mean wen i try to do smth to change i juz end up failing..failing..and failing..so wad the fuck?...i mean to try n try n then keep failing is seriously vry draining...
n family situation isnt exactly helping...got a lot of shit frm parents..i juz feel so disgustd by wad they said..i feel so worthless n screwed up..i feel lyk im the biggest mess in the whole world...n my bro said smth vry insulting to me last wk..tt hurt so bad...n yea it juz keeps ringing in my head..kinda stupid rite..but yea..its juz thr...maybe i juz shldnt bother at all..but then again its not the first time my bro's saying it to me..
well anyway..its kinda freaky..was checking my email halfway while typing this post...i got this email smetime ago titled SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU?...well i juz opened it now...n i guess it did 'speak' to me..n i rem was hafiz tol me last wk..'always look at ppl who r inferior than u..ppl who haf lesser than u do..then in tt way u'll realise how fortunate u actually are..'..i guess its true in evry way possible..i mean yea wen i see ppl ard me who r inferior n all tt...i appreciate my stuff for awhile..then after smetime evrything goes wrong again...i seriously duno how to cope wid tt..
i think the bottomline is tt if u dun believe in a GOD,its gona be very difficult to live ur life..i mean since young i always believed tt God existed..i did stray away frm religion but i still somehow believed...but now at this age i truly dun believe tt a God exists..n even if He does,He doesnt lyk me..but then again i believe in nothing..i seriously cant find anything to believe in...so maybe i understand y im so lost..well coming to terms wid it sure isnt easy..but i guess i'll live..
n i think i juz gotta stop bugging ppl..n anyways i hope wad im doing is right...
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:40 PM