Wednesday, February 01, 2006
right now im feeling juz a sense of loss n emptiness...its really bad...i duno y..its vry upsetting...
i wana meet the devil n congratulate him on how much of a hold he has over my life..i wana meet God n thank Him for being thr whenever He was...which wasnt much but nonetheless deserves the thanks...
right now im lost in life...wid no sense of purpose whatsoever n i really dun care anymore...ive adopted this fuckcare attitude...or maybe its been wid me all along...today i realised how much of hatred thr is in me..i realised maybe i will NEVER learn to love...i realised im juz not wad evrybody makes me out to be...
i see the same thing happening this yr again juz lyk last...well i duno...i expected things to be much better...but after 2005 things dun seem to be good AT ALL...well its not in my hands i guess..duno whose hands its in..but yea wonder wen thr'll be a turning pnt..maybe thr wun be one..
suse auntie thinks thrs smth seriously wrong wid me for hating life at sucha young age.....i think so too...but i dun wana get help...i need to go see a counsellor/psychiatrist...i kno...but i dun wana...well lemme do smth drastic first before i realise how fricking bad the situation is ok...
i really feel so shitty..jays gona be leaving soon n almost evryday after sch i haf practice for dance n for the impersonation shit...its so tiring man...hais...dance is starting tmw...n tis means i will prolly not haf enuff time to spend wid her...as it is i dun even haf the energy to stay awake during sch...
18 more days for Jay to leave.....
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:05 PM