Wednesday, January 11, 2006
been getting a lot of shit frm my mum lately...i duno wad to say..smetimes its so ez for me to juz take the penknife n slash myself again cuz the pain im gona feel frm tt definitely cant hurt more than the stuff she has been saying to me...i need an outlet...my eyes burn evrytime i think abt it..n juz today she hurt me so bad..n im in no mood to cry wid my headache...since the start of the yr shit has been happening evry single day..smehow now im happy to go back to CJ whr evrything is more familiar...a bit closer to sme ppl..easier to tok to them...ppl lyk sadia udaya sushma n MICHELLEEEEEE...n thank God for denesh n kohila...its smehow so ez to be myself again..but then once i reach hm...im back to feeling lyk crap..
my mum hasnt been toking to me properly..well she n her moodswings..n im caught in the middle again u kno..evrytime..suse aunty tells me stuff...n then eavesdrop on mum's convo n hear others...i duno wad to do la...i feel i dun deserve to be caught up in this shit...but smehow i always am...
im teaching sunday sch in chris church nxt sun i think...this sun chairing for the kids church...kinda nervous n evrything...but im gona do it...need to choose the songs...haven even checked the cd yet....im hardly in the position to be teaching since im one wid prolly lyk no faith or smth...but i enjoy doing this kinda stuff...i think its really fun n sometimes i feel really peaceful wen i do it...well juz hope tis sun n nxt sun goes well..
this tues n wed has prolly been another one of those memorable days...great fun i had....wid evrybody...esp today..after ICS sitting in the canteen n crapping...i think i was most myself today...im still on a quest to find my IJ self...cuz i lyk tt self the most...hehe...so yea today was great fun...i think i haf stuff sorted out in the dating/guys sector which is pretty good for me...OMG had so much fun wid shanto yest...he was damn funny..n the whole bitching part abt sme asses..
im gona be turning 18 soon...n i dun think i wana go hm after sch..i prolly wana go out by myself or wid chris or smeone i feel comfy wid n juz go hm late..dun really wana see my mum or dad...i duno....the fact tt i actually wana be left alone is kinda funny...smeone asked me 'wads wid the whole u n being alone thing abt?'...i din reply...cuz i got no reply..
n this post is in dribs n drabs cuz my mind isnt exactly here rite now...sorry evryone...
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:25 PM