Friday, September 23, 2005
im juz pissed rite now...gosh...u kno today ive been sick since the time i woke up..i din eat brkfast or lunch...kno how weak ive been feeling the whole day??...only at 8.30 wen my mum came hm n cooked dinner...felt so so so nervous b4 my GP paper even tho i acted lyk i wasnt..feeling fucked up thinking abt the promos...i came home to find the hse NOT cleaned up...NOTHING was done..u kno how fricking mad i was?...im not becoming lyk my mother...i juz want things cleaned cuz i DO NOT want her to come back n start shouting...n wads worst after i came hme NO ONE was hm...whr were they?....e two stupid IDIOTS had gone down to PLAY...fcking play..isit impt??....i had to do evrything..mum called n asked me to do evrything...heck im alrdy not feeling well n i hafta do evrything...n they come back so much lata n wen asked to do a small work they grumble....n my mum made me do them...OMG......fcking hell....im not feeling well...leave me ALONE...n they still got the nerve to come n tok to me...i DUN wish to tok to ANY of them...im pissed irritated hurt n upset....im sick of living in a hsehold whr im not appreciated or loved....i wana run away...does anybody kno wads even going on in my life..do they kno???do they fcking kno im having my damned promos..do they kno how scared i am...do they kno i dun wana let them down by retaining...do they kno???do they??...NO they FUCKING dun....god im so sick...i dun want material love..enough of it cuz its killing me bit by bit evrytime...u kno how guilty i feel evrytime i get smth new...i dun want it..id rather be loved than them getting me all this stuff....gosh....i wana cry now..i wana die now...i wana juz vent my anger on smth....
its crazy how even after evrything i love them so much...i cant believe it dun wana believe it either...somehow they r all so special to me in their own way..whether im mad at them or not...i juz love all of them...i love the short times we all spend together as a family...im dying evryday bit by bit...
this is for my family.
i //young of the butterfly// you 8:41 PM