Saturday, August 06, 2005
right now im juz feeling so damn fcking upset wid the fcking ICS ppl..i duno its lyk i try to involve myself in tt cca..but somehow smth's against me..its really sickening u kno..i mean...juz now i smsed sushma cuz i wanted to go for the NYP thing...n then she said she sent in the form alrdy..i dun blame her la..its ok..but i juz duno y i suddenly felt so fcking upset..n even tt day on mon wen i was giving my ideas for the farewell this thad fcking asshole kept lyk refusing my ideas..if u DUN want me at the meeting fcking say it..if u DUN want me suggesting anything tell me to shut my fcking mouth at the start of the meeting ok??...im not interested in hearing UR fcking suggestions or idea..n ive got a good mind to slap thad or kick him wen i see him...fcking asshole..he called me n sadia lesbians cuz we wanted to work together for the farewell...well sorry if we r lesbians r u n hafiz gays??...i think so..cuz u n him spend more time together in council N in ICS than me sadia do together...fcking bastard...go get ur meaning of lesbians right first...im juz fcking pissed...n on top of tt sadia is lyk fcking insensitive...she keeps harping on the fact tt we planned the farewell n we r not in the com...honestly thank God im not in the com cuz i can only work wid a certain 2 persons in the com...gosh...now i kno wad ppl meant wen they said ICS was all abt POLITICS...fck it la..im juz so pissed u kno..n ive got no CIP hrs..i dun even kno wads going on...n lyk wen i see the ICS ppl's profile on frenster, i juz get more n more pissed..honestly i duno y.im juz so so so upset...
i look around at evrybody they at least SEEM to be enjoying their JC lives....but im not at all..i dun haf plans on mon..n i duno y but im freaking out juz cuz i got no plans on mon...suddenly i feel so pathetic..dun ask me y...n i wana spend this time wid my IJ frens but dun feel lyk or maybe im juz to scared to ask them..i juz haf this feeling they prolly got plans on their own..n yea im finally gona say it cuz it has been bugging me for so long..
JOLENE THANX A LOT FOR BEING A GREAT WONDERFUL FREN ALL THOSE 4 YRS IN SEC SCH BUT RIGHT NOW IM VRY VRY VRY VRY BITTER CUZ U'VE BEEN PROMISING ME A LETTA FOR OVER HALF A YR BUT NOT GIVING ME ONE N I CANT BELIEVE I WAS SO FCKING STUPID TO RITE U ONE N POST IT U N I CANT BELIEVE I ACTUALLY BOUGHT TEN FCKING STAMPS CUZ I FCKING THOT WE WERE GONA RITE FREQUENTLY N I DUN UNDERSTAND Y U CANT POST THE LETTA N I DUNO Y U CLDNT HAF PUT IT IN THE SARI BAG CUZ I KNO N U KNO PINKS WLDNT HAF READ THE LETTA...SO ALL I GOTTA SAY TO U IS THANX...N IF U READ THIS DUN BOTHER TAGGING N YEA IF I ACTUALLY RECEIVE A LETTA I KNO U READ THIS BUT U KNO WAD????I DUN THINK U WLD EVEN BOTHER CUZ EVERY SINGLE TIME IN UR LIFE STUDIES WAS UR TOP PRIORITY N IT WILL BE NOW TOO SINCE UR DOING 4AS...SO IM GONA DO U A GREAT FAVOUR BY GETTING OUT OF UR LIFE N STOP BUGGING U FOR A LETTA...
finally got tt out...
right now im feeling so so so fcking low i dun understand y...i feel me n mel haf drifted apart again...i haven spoken to ash in ages but at least i kno she misses me cuz she called me the othr day..i really fcking miss her badly....haven spoken to clare in ages too..n fran doesnt seem to haf time for me...haven been spending enough time wid chris...miss having monan in spore.....im juz so upset..
wen to chris hse juz now to borrow a skirt for church n i felt so guilty cuz im always taking stuff frm her..n i dun even kno how to repay her n her family..im juz always lyk thr an extra a pest...but wen i go thr i dun feel so lonely anymore..juz now i went to swensens for prakash birthday n stuff...fair enuff i enjoyed myself cuz we were all crapping a lot..then lyk suddenly wen i reached hm i realised for my 17th bday wen i wanted a nice party my mum REFUSED...n i went to KFC for dinner..din even eat cuz i hated KFC...n my dad din even come...but for prakash bday they went to SWENSENS..n my dad took half day leave juz for tt...n i felt so so so upset again not angry but so upset...cuz i never had a birthday party...at least no nice one whr all my relatives come n enjoy...gosh im so sad la..i so badly want a party nxt yr but dun even wana suggest it to my mum cuz i kno she prolly wldnt approve...n i dun even want my bday to come cuz i dun think anyone wld remember...n on tt day i juz wana spend it wid the ppl who actually do care for me...not ppl who juz wana spend tt day wid me cuz its my bday...i want the true honest ppl ard me...n thru out the whole time i was out wid my family i was juz praying to God to take care of my dad n mum cuz i suddednly became scared tt anything cld happen....i was praying lyk a mad fcking dog...cuz i juz became so worried n scared..n i kept praying for my dad esp cuz his leg was painful n i din want him to walk so much..my god...im juz freaking out so badly...i cant take it anymore...n i was mad k...i was telling radha aunty abt how i predicted my death..n lyk i was telling her if i do go overseas my mum is gona be using all her life savings n wad if i suddenly die or smth thr??...n then all the money wld be wasted n prakash n prasaanth wun haf any education..n u haf no idea wad big dreams i haf for prasaanth...man u got no idea...no one actually except GOd..omg...i feel so disturbed..i wana whine n bitch n cry n bury myself in so much of ice cream WID someone...but who???
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:24 PM