Sunday, August 14, 2005
been slipping in n out of loneliness,sadness,anger,confusion..n i duno wad else..
n im juz feeling so vulnerable right now..
feeling vry vry left out..i mean not cuz half my frens r lost or smth...more lyk im still the same old ugly duckling...yes my appearance,how i look..fat / thin...cant figure out..i wana be lyk evry othr girl..wearing a spag top.looking nice in jeans even...wearing pretty skirts n pretty tops...but i cant...cuz i feel ugly in them..even today wen i was wearing tt skirt...felt so so so conscious of myself...thought i was fat n felt miserable..hais..i feel lyk becoming bulimic...yea i kno its bad n stuff..but i juz so badly wana lose weight..i juz wana be the swan...cuz evrybody around me seems to be so beautiful..but i guess i will juz die a duckling or smth..
im gona go gelare wid chris..soon..duno wen..but i will..i badly need to pig out on ice cream..missing her n monan..
really proud priya for getting her A1..n denesh n kohila also..a gd batch tis one..
went out wid ash on sat..finally after a damned long time..toked quite a bit...n she'll vouch too tt we stuffed ourselves...wid pizza hut n mosburgers milkshakes...gawd...it was bad..oh n btw dinner was wid chris joanna joel n uma..kinda uncomfy wid uma cuz i still feel vry inferior to her...mans...n ash tol me smth vry shocking n if tt person gets into my hands tt person is oh so fcking dead...fcker..
n im juz brooding over a lot of stuff..i duno if im completely over it.i dun think i am..ttz y im juz sitting here n thinking abt it n making myself depressed..it sux..i swear it does..n i duno y i cried abt it juz now...fck it..i mean its so not worth it so y cry?..freaking shit man..it juz sux..evrything EVRYTHING was juz too much to take..i am not over it..i duno how long more its gona take..its either tt or my pms is making it a whole lot worse...
purple dinosaur..her falling down..him banging his head..DOT DOT DOT.........................................................................................................nvm..u wun understand...
was talking to miss chia tt day..n telling her how depressed n shitty im feeling n evrything else...n she tol me i shld haf juz gone to YJ..i mean thinking abt it i prolly wld haf done my maths lit econs thr in JAY'S class or my bio chem maths..i juz needed to tok tt day n she was the best...IJ kakhi..n she has to be a teacher...haha..but she's great...n i mean jay wldnt be feeling so shitty thr oso right?
really need to tok to Ani aunty oso..she hasnt come online..hasnt emailed..hasnt done a single thing..i need her reply..lyk soon..i need to confirm stuff man...hais..miss her too..
i //young of the butterfly// you 11:37 PM