Sunday, July 31, 2005
right now im juz terrified and scared n confused.
the monk came over juz now..did sme prayer stuff n ihad to be present..n now im made to wear this chain..which to me is satanic..i was so freaked out during the prayers juz now i juz kept praying so hard to God to save me frm these evil forces..im juz really so scared..my mum is so scraed for all of us..n she is ALWAYS worried abt us..paranoid...blah blah blah..n she so badly wants me to wear the chain supposedly to protect me..but i feel lyk the chain will only harm me further..i duno wad to do at all..n the monk was saying a lot abt me juz now..how i shldnt take any rtshps/frenships seriously..how my slp is being affected by my slping position..how my life is gona really propser..gosh i duno wad to do at all la....wad shit man..im juz so scared right now cuz tonight im supposed to slp in a different position..i dun want to..but im supposed to..n my dad's leg is suddenly starting to hurt vry badly now..juz now i almost cldnt control the tears..my mum is really so affected by her work..she cant go overseas at all..nothing..i duno wad to do..
monan left without me n him clearing things up.....i was juz so fcking pissed wid him wen he said tt abt my dad..he fcking knows how sensitive i am abt my family..i suddenly feel this need to protect my family cuz of evrything ttz been going on..n he cld still say tt..i kno chris takes evrything he says lightly but im not lyk tt..n i juz really scolded him n din pick up any of his calls..but the not picking up his calls part is cuz i really din hear any of em..i mean im really sorry tt he left without us toking..it sux..but i cant help it..i really cant...
right now im juz thinking abt wad the monk said abt my social life...abt not taking rtshps/frenships seriously..i think i alrdy starting doing tt in jun..wen evrything fell apart..almost evrybody walked away frm my life..well i duno whether to say im fine or not cuz honestly i do need frens oso...but i think right now i dun really give two shits abt ppl...i think my mind is juz too occupied wid family..n frens..pls la..evrybody is juz fake..so am i...juz tell me...they only come to u wen they need smth or wen they suddenly feel sympathy for u or smth..other than tt they dun care..at least the frens i had were lyk tt...so many ppl let me down..but i dun wana give a damn abt those ppl anymore..i honestly cant be bothered wid all the idiots who left me alone..so yea..whatever..
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:48 PM