Friday, May 20, 2005
EDIT at 1.10 am
ok right now im feeling so fucking fucking fucking pissed..i kno for a fact its cuz of my period..evrytime i get im juz in sucha crappy mood..n of all times he chose to add her to the convo..thanks a lot..im in no mood to fucking tok to her whatsoever..i dun even fucking kno her..fuck..im pissed..seriously pissed..n she was so fucking rude..bitch..it took evry bit of niceness i had in me to be a bit nice to her..fuck u..ok fuck u..i need to vent my frustration on smth but i duno wad..n no one wants to tok abt it..so im gona ramble here..yes im a bitch a loser..evrything ok..i think im dying cuz ive been having my period evry wk..im fucking worried here..cuz i haf this terrible feeling smth bad has happened..im worried..fcking worried..n guess wad??nobody gives a damn..even my mum doesnt care..lemme die..better still..more money to spend on my bros..whatever ok..i feel lyk shit..im not gona teach tuition anymore..ive been given the sack yes..n im worried abt how im gona pay my mum back..n wad dya guys say??..no need la..she will forget..fuck..u kno i haf a fucking conscience??..i do..being the fucking bitch,asshole,loser i am i haf a goddamn fucking conscience ok...i wana pay her back..but i cant..im fucking worried abt so many things...i cant tok to anybody now..its PAST mindnight..gona be PAST one am..actually it is..n wad am i doing??..feeling pissed for NO reason..i swear thrs no goddamn reason to be pissed..i juz am..im pissed wid him wid sch wid me getting the sack...ughs..evrything..evrything is bringin me down..i wana sit here n cry..im sick of being alone..i hate ervrything..i feel lyk running away..been a long time since i said tt..
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today had sports carnival shit..was fine la..cuz i was wid fran,michelle n jy most of the time..din feel bonded wid the class or anything..n i was itching to play fcking netball k..u kno i wasnt informed abt tis whole shit..i mean i din even kno we were getting a class shirt n tt thr was a design..nothing la..n i din even kno the sports we were taking part in..n they din even ask me to play..i juz so badly wanted to play..u haf no idea..smehow netball juz connects me to IJ n tt was y i so badly wanted to play ok..but nobody asked..i almost cried la..hais..it sux..u kno i think the class is better cuz i can be more myself around them..but im juz still keeping the barrier between us cuz i smehow DUN wana let myself get involved them..i kno its my prob alrdy la now..its either i juz mix wid them n feel happier or dun n feel worse..i really duno..they still leave ppl out yes..during recess the class is damn separated..ttz y i HATE going for brks..n wen i dun go i feel bad for leaving mich n jy alone..i only look forward to certain brks only cuz jo's class or nives's class is thr..but then again they sit together as a class n i feel lyk a fucking intruder la..it sux u kno..i mean now i tok more in class n all..i feel happier n stuff..lyk i look forward to going to class n sitting wid laureen n cephas but wen it comes to brk.................[go infer urself frm the punctuation]...dot dot dot..hais..im sucha pathetic asshole..but u kno wad??..i cant blame the class or anybody else for it..cuz actually its only my fault..right??..hais..im sucha shit..
saw karthini tis morn..was quite happy..haha..she met sara n fran..hope to see her again soon..mr muthu's mug is done..went to get it today..looks nice..our hansome baby..haha..i hope he doesnt mind us nxt fri..need to remind ash to get the cake..met priya also today..n met jay..felt sooooo good..cuz i cld be MYSELF..tho priya wasnt in a really gd mood..but still felt happy to see her..n jay..omg..haha..we did so much of rubbish today..OUR CHOCO-CRAPUCINO..haha..u dun wana kno wad shit we did..but i miss u jay..hais..its fucking sad cuz she is being terrorised by sharon martha lesbian charles..n jay is scared la..haha..warned jay abt her..haha..gosh leave my alone la..ass...sun am prolly gona stayover in sme hotel wid jay cuz of her sis wedding reception..wow..my mum actually allowed it..haha..cuz its jay....haha..but yea i will be going..juz tt i duno wad to wear for the reception..
told my mum abt my period..its lyk the only thing ive confided in her..she's gona bring me to doctor..duno wen la..aiyoh..feel so troubled n disturbed..i think ttz the main reason y ive been feeling so weak..n craving for weird things n eating so much..aiyah wen i tol her also she din really seem lyk she bothered..duno la..heck her anyway..today went to get card wid her n u kno after making it she juz left herself..n left me to go hm myself..lyk hello???..we stay in the same fucking hse la..i was so hurt..juz took a bus back myself..ughs..i was damn hurt la.ARGHS..was so hurt..y does she do this to me??..confided in mich abt my family also..mich is a great person..ttz wad i think..she is really nice n she can make anybody feel better..
the wound is getting bad..i seem to have problems bending my knee n smetimes even walking cuz i gotta limp...sux man..MEL HAF YA SEEN MY WOUND??..
tmw gona study econs wid jay n then go out wid edrea..needing to get priya's bday present..n we r prolly gona go down on wed to collect our cert n then celebrate for priya also la..get a cake or smth..hope she wil be in a gd mood..n i need to beg my mum so tt she'll allow me to stayover on sat..
i //young of the butterfly// you 9:58 PM