Sunday, March 06, 2005
haha..today..my dinner got cancelled..as usual..mum's plans are ALWAYS screwed up somehow..but mayb it'll be nxt wk then..duno la..
i went to watch lemony snicket today..wid cousins n bros n bro's fren..haha..its a nice movie..wldnt mind watching it again but on vcd tho..not theatre..realise tt i shldnt waste money..haha..anyways i wana watch hitch too..i was thinking mayb we cld all go n watch after thanksgiving mass..all of us..wld be fun..really..lyk the prev time me clare mel jo pinks n all went to watch cheaper by the dozen..haha..i remember squealing in the theatre wid clare cuz dean frm gilmore girls was in the movie..haha..mans n sme more hitch is damn funny la..imagine the noise we'll be making..sme more we'll prolly haf the whole theatre to ourselves..i really really wana go..really really..haha..must make plans wid evrybody..cant wait..
anyways i went to visit suse auntie tis morn..din tell anybody..i feel lyk shit u kno always havin to lie to my mum n go to suse auntie hse..i mean lyk i really feel loved n wanted thr but here its nothing..its so unloving n stuff..i really hate it u kno..anyways felt happy tt i saw her..she gave me a hug n then we juz crapped n crapped n all..n then she read my horoscope n stuff..haha..was damn fun..it said tt im born to be a lecturer..n jay's born to be a lawyer..smth we both wana be.. :)..it was funny..then me n jay also kept making fun of each othr..hahaha..so crappy man we both..hais...
i really hope in the future i can stop lying to my mum..n i mean lyk my mum is totally against me going thr n wen she finds out ive been going esp wen suse auntie is ard she will kill me or prolly not lemme go anywhere else again..i really dun want tt to happen at all..but i cant tell my mum cuz i kno for a fact she wun be happy AT ALL..n if she isnt gona be happy i wun be happy..hais..today suse auntie was toking abt having a gd r/s or rapport wid ur children..n its really true..suse builds a good firm r/s wid evrybody n cuz of tt we all confide in her..but my mum thinks she is juz being a busybody..same goes for radha aunty..my mum also thinks she is a busybody..i really detest my mum for tis u kno..cuz my aunties are the ones providing me wid the love n care i actually need frm a mother..its disgusting n horrible really..i feel sorry for both me n my mum smetimes..worst for me..it juz sux la..the whole feeling..i hate it wen my mum tells me tt my aunties are using me..i for one dun think so..but my mum juz isnt happy wen she sees me being so close to them..well yea im close to them cuz they are vry vry nice unlike my mum..she is juz so quick to look at ppl's faults [ttz whr i got it frm]..n my aunties arent lyk tt..they are patient..i really do tell them evrything..n i mean evrything frm crushes to family probs..even radha aunty tried giving my mum advice..but my mum called her a busybody..omg..she isnt one she is juz tryin to help the damn family la..im juz making myself more angry thinking abt it..n i had to tell the whole of suse auntie family to not tell my mum i came thr in the morn..fuck..it sux..i feel lyk crying now..it really hurts me..cuz i really do love my aunties a lot esp suse auntie n radha auntie..i mean they've always been thr for me..always..suse came for my RI thing even wen my mum din bother at all..she cldnt care less to come..but suse auntie put aside all her family duties,came wid me at lyk 5.45am,helped me wid my make up n evrybody else's make up,then stayed for the whole thing even tho she had to be alone..she was juz thr for me u kno..but my mum fuck man..whr was she??..n also for my results my mum juz smsed me gd luck..but suse auntie she called n she was so anoxious for me n all u kno..i was really feeling so shaky..i mean my auntie bothers more than my mum..n wen i decided to let my mum be the first to kno my results..my mum wasnt happy..but suse auntie was the one who was so elated n she was saying tt she was so proud of me..after tt i cried again..cuz she made me feel lyk id done well..n by giving me the hug today she really affirmed the fact tt she is proud of me..my mum is happy wid my results but she never tol me tt..never..i found out frm my cousins n aunties..i duno wad to do u kno really..n radha auntie.she is truly another angel..evrytime i stay over in chris's hse i always feel tt radha auntie isnt an auntie but actually a mother..she cares so much for me..making sure i eat well,sleep well..n all the minor things which im very very very touched by..really..n she ALWAYS makes it a pnt to come n tok to me also..she always toks..ALWAYS..n i feel lyk i can converse so freely wid her..chris also does the same thing n chris is radha auntie's daughter..lohitha also does the same thing n she is suse auntie's daughter..so y cant my mum tok to me also?..im really puzzled/confused/hurt by this u kno..really..i duno wad to feel at all..radha auntie has always been one person whom i can REALLY open up to cuz she listens..i tell her evrything abt my family..evrything abt sch,crusheds,family..evrything u kno..suse auntie its a bit diff cuz she always stands up for my mum saying i shldnt say such stuff cuz she is my mum..but still both of them are really really impt to me..i juz cant see y my mum cant understand me the same..i feel lyk shit now i really do..im juz gona start crying now..n i dun wana rite anymore..fuck it..really..
i //young of the butterfly// you 1:04 AM