Sunday, March 20, 2005
hais she has started her usual nonsense again..i duno wads gona happen anymore..i juz hope n pray tt wen sch starts the stuff at sch will distract me frm my family..i dun wana be involved in anymore shit ttz going on here..my mum hasnt spoken to me n i dun wish to start speaking to her again..the talk wid ash really brought up a lot of the shit memories n hurt feelings i went thru thruout sec2 n 4..it sucked big time..n im going thru it again..im not tt strong really to bear tis kinda hurt..im not a strong person as i thot i was..wen it comes to family im a real sucker..i wana harden myself to all this..but i juz cant..i dun haf the willpower to do it..im juz weak..
hais got so much stuff on my mind..sch n family esp..i think i kno y ive been feeling so low..i haven seen mr muthu in a long time..n i kno tt if i meet him i will be ok for awhile..i really need him to sustain my sanity/happiness/evrything else seriously..i will be visiting him on tues n mayb wed after sch..i will need to go thr to relief my stress...hais..n my hp..i feel so lost..it was really my only contact wid the outside world..ughs..i hate evrybody..evrytime i think abt the bloody hp i juz start crying..man y did it even happen to me?..if id juz gone along wid my gut feeling tt day i wld haf got it back..but no..i juz din check the cab tt day..stupid me..hais..n thr were sooooooo many memories in the fone..birthday wishes,Vday wishes,o level results wishes..juz memorable msgs frm ppl i love so much..i dun understand y it happened..really..i mean quite a few bad things happened..n now if i find out tt i din get posted to CJ i will die..really..i duno wad i will do..i will prolly become mad..hais..im so scared tt smth bad is gona happen to me..i juz haf this feeling tt im not spared yet..a series of unfortunate events..oh fuck it..im such an ass..mourning over the loss of my hp..
i dun want wed to come..i really haf no idea y im feeling so scared..i juz duno..n im hoping n praying tt ash will appeal n tt she gets it..im gona pray n pray..peeps reading my blog PLEASE pray tt she appeals n gets it..at least if she comes it wun be so bad..hais..only thing jay wun be thr..it sux.all 3 of us r gona be separated..so fast..hais..im really in depression..if tis continues i might as well be admitted to IMH..
i //young of the butterfly// you 10:16 PM