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THE RANTS AND THE RAVES


Flashbacks.

March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008

Sunday, March 20, 2005

hais she has started her usual nonsense again..i duno wads gona happen anymore..i juz hope n pray tt wen sch starts the stuff at sch will distract me frm my family..i dun wana be involved in anymore shit ttz going on here..my mum hasnt spoken to me n i dun wish to start speaking to her again..the talk wid ash really brought up a lot of the shit memories n hurt feelings i went thru thruout sec2 n 4..it sucked big time..n im going thru it again..im not tt strong really to bear tis kinda hurt..im not a strong person as i thot i was..wen it comes to family im a real sucker..i wana harden myself to all this..but i juz cant..i dun haf the willpower to do it..im juz weak..

hais got so much stuff on my mind..sch n family esp..i think i kno y ive been feeling so low..i haven seen mr muthu in a long time..n i kno tt if i meet him i will be ok for awhile..i really need him to sustain my sanity/happiness/evrything else seriously..i will be visiting him on tues n mayb wed after sch..i will need to go thr to relief my stress...hais..n my hp..i feel so lost..it was really my only contact wid the outside world..ughs..i hate evrybody..evrytime i think abt the bloody hp i juz start crying..man y did it even happen to me?..if id juz gone along wid my gut feeling tt day i wld haf got it back..but no..i juz din check the cab tt day..stupid me..hais..n thr were sooooooo many memories in the fone..birthday wishes,Vday wishes,o level results wishes..juz memorable msgs frm ppl i love so much..i dun understand y it happened..really..i mean quite a few bad things happened..n now if i find out tt i din get posted to CJ i will die..really..i duno wad i will do..i will prolly become mad..hais..im so scared tt smth bad is gona happen to me..i juz haf this feeling tt im not spared yet..a series of unfortunate events..oh fuck it..im such an ass..mourning over the loss of my hp..

i dun want wed to come..i really haf no idea y im feeling so scared..i juz duno..n im hoping n praying tt ash will appeal n tt she gets it..im gona pray n pray..peeps reading my blog PLEASE pray tt she appeals n gets it..at least if she comes it wun be so bad..hais..only thing jay wun be thr..it sux.all 3 of us r gona be separated..so fast..hais..im really in depression..if tis continues i might as well be admitted to IMH..

i //young of the butterfly// you 10:16 PM